大胆地说"No"

The Book of" No", 250 ways to say it and mean it and stop people-pleasing foreve, are detailed¹ strategies² that will help you take charge of your life. The author is social-psychologist Susan Newman. Susan, good to have you here this morning. Thank you. (Good to be here. ) Such is one of my new year's resolutions, to be able to say "no" more often , but really when we think of no, really is, it, to many of us, it sounds like such a negative thing. But you say, / doesn't have to be, why?

Well, it really isn't an negative. It's the exact opposite. It's a positive because you get to take back your time and do things for the people that you really care about. (en-en) We get to start doing things for friends of friends and then we say what happened to me? I have no time for the people who are important to me.

And you say that when people say yes often, they are falling into that people-pleaser trap. What can we do to break that pattern?

They fall into the trap because they are afraid that people will think they are lazy, uncaring, selfish, at worst they think they'll leave their job, they'll lose their job. So we, we have all these negatives that have come from childhood and they pop back into our heads and it just doesn't work that way.

So when you're saying no to people you're really saying yes to yourself and you actually have some good points in the book to help people take charge of their lives-being able to say no more often. Then let's go through 5 other steps you say: make a list of your yeses, make your time well managed, get your priorities³ straight, know your limits and give control to others. So, tell us how we can put these into practice.

I think that giving control to others is the key because we all think we can do something better when in fact there are other people can do then (delegate, then) . . . Yeah, you wind up president of the PTA, you don't have to do that. Somebody else can do that. Somebody else can car pool and then you can go get your nails done. And saying no doesn't make you a terrible person.

What do you mean by making a list of your yeses though , I mean how is that, how should that be taken into consideration with your decision-making?

Because you will be shocked how many times and how many people you say yes to. And you don't save any time for yourself and the people who are important to you.

So that allow you to kinda set your priorities based on, you know, and when, knowing when you can say no.

Figure out who has the first crack at you. Is it your boss? Is it your husband? Is it your children?

What about, you know, a lot of us fear the effects of saying no. Will it destroy my relationship? Will people remember this? Will this be. . er. . held against to me at work? (en-en) How do you get over that and even some of the guilt⁴ that goes along with saying no?

The one of the alerts⁵ in the book is , and I think this is key, is that people don't think about you as much as you think and worry that they are. They're moving on to the next person. You won't water my plants. You won't (do,) drive car pool. You won't take this job upon the work. They are looking for the next person. They are really not thinking about you.

And roll quickly, you have (that) which you call the "no credo" and you say it should be your bill of right to say, make feelings known, guard personal boundaries, exercise your choice to say no, postpone⁶ an answer, withhold⁷ explanations and you can change your mind . So again, bottom line, here roll quickly.

Bottom line is to think yes before you think no. I think no before you

Think yes to , Yes, Yes to yourself though.

Yes to yourself and no to everyone else.

Susan Newman, thank you so much. Nice to talk with you.

1 detailed   

adj.详细的，详尽的，极注意细节的，完全的

参考例句：

• He had made a detailed study of the terrain.他对地形作了缜密的研究。
• A detailed list of our publications is available on request.我们的出版物有一份详细的目录备索。

2 strategies   

n.策略( strategy的名词复数 )；战略；战略学；对策

参考例句：

• Several steps and strategies have been developed to minimize these risks. 有关人士发展了若干措施和方法以减少这些风险。 来自英汉非文学 - 行政法
• Different threats require different strategies. 对付不同的威胁需要不同的策略。 来自英汉非文学 - 政府文件

3 priorities   

n.先( priority的名词复数 )；优先；优先权；优先考虑的事

参考例句：

• The document provided a revealing insight into the government's priorities. 这份文件使人看出政府的轻重缓急是怎样安排的。
• We must work together to fund only our most important priorities. 我们必须共同努力，只为最重要的项目提供资金。 来自英汉非文学 - 政府文件

4 guilt   

n.犯罪；内疚；过失，罪责

参考例句：

• She tried to cover up her guilt by lying.她企图用谎言掩饰自己的罪行。
• Don't lay a guilt trip on your child about schoolwork.别因为功课责备孩子而使他觉得很内疚。

5 alerts   

n.警戒( alert的名词复数 )；警报期间；警戒状态；报警信号v.使（某人）保持警觉( alert的第三人称单数 )；使意识到；提醒（某人）注意（某事）；使（部队）处于待命状态

参考例句：

• Folder level alerts are not available on this server. 此服务器上不支持文件夹级的通知。 来自互联网
• Monitor daily customer FTP site for Compatibility Matrix & Quality Alerts. 实时注意客户FTP上的兼容性列表和质量警报。 来自互联网

6 postpone   

v.延期，推迟

参考例句：

• I shall postpone making a decision till I learn full particulars.在未获悉详情之前我得从缓作出决定。
• She decided to postpone the converastion for that evening.她决定当天晚上把谈话搁一搁。

7 withhold   

v.拒绝，不给；使停止，阻挡

参考例句：

• It was unscrupulous of their lawyer to withhold evidence.他们的律师隐瞒证据是不道德的。
• I couldn't withhold giving some loose to my indignation.我忍不住要发泄一点我的愤怒。