访谈录[Interview]2007-10-19:爱情能否超越距离?

What we found recently is that about 1 in 33 marriages are commuter¹ marriages. And that works out to about 3.5 million people in the United States. And over the last 5 years we've found that the number of people in commuter marriages has increased about 30%.

Now thankfully you've spent about the last decade deeply investigating the particulars of a long distance relationship. And you've come up with a list of 10 tips that help people get through it. Let's go through these.

First of all , tip number one you say you're no more likely to get divorced.
Right! And in fact that is one of the main reasons that we started the website and I wrote the book ,well it's really got across the point that commuter marriages despite what people think actually do work just fine ,there is a myth² out there that there is going to, they're increasing the rate of divorce if you do that and that is not true.

Well ,let’s chat through some of the others . you say share the boring tedium³ of daily life matters. Don't  just give the creepy love talk over the phone. Get all the boring stuff cleaned out. And do it via/ via a hands-free phone , you think that is also useful.

Right! One of the things we know that commuter married people do is  they tend to share a lot of good emotional stuffs—I love you and so forth⁴.But they don't often share what is going on with them on a day-to-day basis. More trivial⁵ what seems to be trivial kind of things.But that is really what is important in making that connection and feeling like you are part of each others' life. Write Letters, you say.

Yes exactly. Actually after World War Two ,they found that soldiers who wrote letters seem to do much better in terms of their marriage than those who even have face to face visits. And recently there have been two more studies that show exactly the same thing. It is really a/ the paper and pencil letter or a card not email. That really does seem to make a difference. It does seem to help relationship stay together.

And another one which seems logical, set the rules of the relationship, If you are gonna split⁶ apart, and go to different places, get some ground rules in place.

Exactly right. What we found for example is that regardless of what rules people set, and by that I mean, is that ok to go to dinner with somebody else, is that ok to, dating is probably not usual for commuter marriages, though as for premarital relationships it is .But if you don’t talk about it ,people become very nervous, because they do not understand whether their partner understands the grounded rules of what you do . so it is very important to / kind of lay those rules out before hand.

Other ones : do not be a shut-in . Go out make friends ,join clubs .do other things except that some reunions when you do get to meet your loved one again. There may not be great moments.

Right we have found that because people are separated often for career reasons .they tend to get very absorbed in their work. And they can become very isolated⁷ and that is not a good thing when you are under the stresses that can come with a commuter marriage .so they really do need to get out of it and be more involved with other people.

And along the same lines I think we really need to try to push people to get a confidant, an individual they can be with and talk about the problems of the commuter marriage.

1 commuter   

n.(尤指市郊之间)乘公交车辆上下班者

参考例句：

• Police cordoned off the road and diverted commuter traffic. 警察封锁了道路并分流交通。
• She accidentally stepped on his foot on a crowded commuter train. 她在拥挤的通勤列车上不小心踩到了他的脚。

2 myth   

n.神话，神话故事

参考例句：

• The story has points of resemblance to a Hebrew myth.这个故事与某个希伯来神话有相似之处。
• The story is a pure myth.这故事纯属虚构。

3 tedium   

n.单调；烦闷

参考例句：

• We played games to relieve the tedium of the journey.我们玩游戏，来解除旅行的沉闷。
• In myself I could observe the following sources of tedium. 从我自己身上，我所观察到的烦闷的根源有下列一些。

4 forth   

adv.向前；向外，往外

参考例句：

• The wind moved the trees gently back and forth.风吹得树轻轻地来回摇晃。
• He gave forth a series of works in rapid succession.他很快连续发表了一系列的作品。

5 trivial   

adj.琐碎的，不重要的，无价值的

参考例句：

• Be patient.Don't lose your temper over trivial matters.忍着点，别为了一点小事发火。
• It's useless to fire away with such trivial details.喋喋不休地谈这些琐碎细节是无用的。

6 split   

n.劈开，裂片，裂口；adj.分散的；v.分离，分开，劈开

参考例句：

• Who told you that Mary and I had split up?谁告诉你玛丽和我已经离婚了？
• The teacher split the class up into six groups.老师把班级分成6个小组。

7 isolated   

adj.与世隔绝的

参考例句：

• His bad behaviour was just an isolated incident. 他的不良行为只是个别事件。
• Patients with the disease should be isolated. 这种病的患者应予以隔离。