美国国家公共电台 NPR In 'Memory's Last Breath' An Academic Confronts Dementia

 

MELISSA BLOCK, HOST:

Gerda Saunders knew something was wrong. She kept getting confused, losing her place in lessons at the University of Utah where she taught. And then, just before she turned 61, Gerda Saunders was given a diagnosis¹. She has early onset² microvascular dementia. Saunders and her husband Peter are South African. They emigrated to the States back in the 1980s.

Now, at age 67, Gerda Saunders has written a memoir³ titled "Memory's Last Breath: Field Notes On My Dementia." And she remembers vividly⁴ what her rather blunt neurologist said when she gave Saunders the news.

GERDA SAUNDERS: She said, it looks like you may already have been dementing.

BLOCK: Dementing?

SAUNDERS: Dementing. Because I - you know, I'm involved with words. I have always been. It just struck me in that moment really as funny in a way that there is this verb that I never thought could be derived⁵ from the noun dementia. Suddenly, it felt like this was something I was - there's a word for it. You know when you participate in an act - I'm sorry, I can't remember.

BLOCK: Yeah. Yeah.

SAUNDERS: But when you are sort of almost like guilty of participating in an act, I mean, in the way that we speak about it in, you know, in colonialism that you...

BLOCK: Complicit.

SAUNDERS: ...Complicit is the word I'm thinking - I'm complicit in something - yeah? - that my body is - and my head is doing something in a verb form which means, like, I'm actively⁶ engaged in doing this.

BLOCK: You describe throughout the book some of the daily frustrations⁷ or failures with relatively⁸ simple tasks that you're confronting. And one of them is what you call the typical progression of a Gerda phone call. Could you read that progression for us?

SAUNDERS: OK.

BLOCK: On page 81.

SAUNDERS: (Reading) One, find the phone number. I no longer remember any phone numbers except now and then my own. Is it in my electronic or paper address book? Two, if electronic, open email to search contacts. Three, forget why email is open. Start catching⁹ up with unanswered messages. Four, eventually remember the original intention sometimes. Five, retrieve¹⁰ number, go to the phone, hear the message beep. Six, retrieve messages, return urgent calls. Seven, start cleaning the counter where the phone is plugged in. Eight, damn, who was I going to call again?

BLOCK: What do you think the process of writing about your early onset dementia has meant in terms of understanding your identity now and how it's shifting?

SAUNDERS: Certainly, my whole life path was determined¹¹ by the fact that I had a good brain to start with. I was very fortunate. And now, this brain is being eaten away. So what am I now? What will I be? What is my identity? And, you know, what does it mean to live with an identity that's eroding¹² all the time? I felt a strong feeling to understand this disease before the time when I couldn't understand anything anymore.

BLOCK: I'm wondering how your diagnosis of dementia has altered your relationship with your husband, Peter. You've been together for so long, since you were 17.

SAUNDERS: Yes. It really - it has a constant and daily effect on our relationship. And I am more convinced than I've ever been in my life that Peter loves me until the day I die because he is so tender and loving and just always there for me. And it's hard for me to know that I'm not fully¹³ reciprocating¹⁴.

You know, my mind drifts. I'm not good at doing my share of the household, like, I'm getting worse at it every day. His responsibility is mounting. But we do talk about it. And I feel that we are - our relationship is deeper than it's ever been.

BLOCK: I think people listening to you, as eloquent¹⁵ as you are, will have a hard time wrapping themselves around the notion that you have dementia. You do not sound at all impaired¹⁶.

SAUNDERS: Yes. And that is true. If you are in a conversation with me like this where there are no distractions¹⁷, I can hold together, you know, a framework of concepts and speak within that framework. Where you see really some kind of craziness is when I interface¹⁸ with the world. I have severe attention deficit¹⁹ disorder²⁰. So I see something in front of me, and that is the thing I interact with.

You know, we - Peter and I have to go somewhere. We have an appointment, and I have to get ready. And I get sidetracked 10 times in minutes, you know, where I go to fetch something or I go to comb my hair. It's a very exhausting way to get through a physical day. And it's incredibly exhausting for Peter too because he's really thinking for two people. He's the one who reminds me and in - always in the kindest way about what I was supposed to be doing.

BLOCK: You've had many conversations with your family about the end of life and what you want that to be, how you want that to look and go and what they want from that as well. Where have you ended up on that?

SAUNDERS: We worked out a plan for me in my family whereby I would go somewhere where I could find a legal assisted death. At the moment, it does not look as though that will be possible in the United States. So that means we would have to go to another country. And so we have tried to financially provide for that possibility and also emotionally prepare for that possibility with my family.

And we have a plan set up through a lawyer. And my doctors are all aware of this and have my wishes in my advanced medical directives about this. And I ask this gift of them to do this for me. It is such a comfort to me to know that my family love me enough to want to give me this gift.

BLOCK: And it does - it feels like a gift to you to know that?

SAUNDERS: It does. It's a huge gift.

BLOCK: I worry that this has been exhausting for you, this interview.

SAUNDERS: But in a lovely way. I enjoy being able to have these conversations while I can because I know that possibly in a year, I might not be able to do it.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

BLOCK: Gerda Saunders' memoir is titled "Memory's Last Breath: Field Notes On My Dementia." Gerda, thank you so much for talking with us.

SAUNDERS: Thank you, Melissa. It's been wonderful. Thank you for your wonderful questions.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

1 diagnosis   

n.诊断，诊断结果，调查分析，判断

参考例句：

• His symptoms gave no obvious pointer to a possible diagnosis.他的症状无法作出明确的诊断。
• The engineer made a complete diagnosis of the bridge's collapse.工程师对桥的倒塌做一次彻底的调查分析。

2 onset   

n.进攻，袭击，开始，突然开始

参考例句：

• The drug must be taken from the onset of the infection.这种药必须在感染的最初期就开始服用。
• Our troops withstood the onset of the enemy.我们的部队抵挡住了敌人的进攻。

3 memoir   

n.[pl.]回忆录，自传；记事录

参考例句：

• He has just published a memoir in honour of his captain.他刚刚出了一本传记来纪念他的队长。
• In her memoir,the actress wrote about the bittersweet memories of her first love.在那个女演员的自传中，她写到了自己苦乐掺半的初恋。

4 vividly   

adv.清楚地，鲜明地，生动地

参考例句：

• The speaker pictured the suffering of the poor vividly.演讲者很生动地描述了穷人的生活。
• The characters in the book are vividly presented.这本书里的人物写得栩栩如生。

5 derived   

vi.起源；由来；衍生；导出v.得到( derive的过去式和过去分词 )；（从…中）得到获得；源于；（从…中）提取

参考例句：

• Many English words are derived from Latin and Greek. 英语很多词源出于拉丁文和希腊文。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• He derived his enthusiasm for literature from his father. 他对文学的爱好是受他父亲的影响。 来自《简明英汉词典》

6 actively   

adv.积极地，勤奋地

参考例句：

• During this period all the students were actively participating.在这节课中所有的学生都积极参加。
• We are actively intervening to settle a quarrel.我们正在积极调解争执。

7 frustrations   

挫折( frustration的名词复数 )； 失败； 挫败； 失意

参考例句：

• The temptation would grow to take out our frustrations on Saigon. 由于我们遭到挫折而要同西贡算帐的引诱力会增加。
• Aspirations will be raised, but so will frustrations. 人们会产生种种憧憬，但是种种挫折也会随之而来。

8 relatively   

adv.比较...地，相对地

参考例句：

• The rabbit is a relatively recent introduction in Australia.兔子是相对较新引入澳大利亚的物种。
• The operation was relatively painless.手术相对来说不痛。

9 catching   

adj.易传染的，有魅力的，迷人的，接住

参考例句：

• There are those who think eczema is catching.有人就是认为湿疹会传染。
• Enthusiasm is very catching.热情非常富有感染力。

10 retrieve   

vt.重新得到，收回；挽回，补救；检索

参考例句：

• He was determined to retrieve his honor.他决心恢复名誉。
• The men were trying to retrieve weapons left when the army abandoned the island.士兵们正试图找回军队从该岛撤退时留下的武器。

11 determined   

adj.坚定的；有决心的

参考例句：

• I have determined on going to Tibet after graduation.我已决定毕业后去西藏。
• He determined to view the rooms behind the office.他决定查看一下办公室后面的房间。

12 eroding   

侵蚀，腐蚀( erode的现在分词 )； 逐渐毁坏，削弱，损害

参考例句：

• The coast is slowly eroding. 海岸正慢慢地被侵蚀。
• Another new development is eroding the age-old stereotype of the male warrior. 另一个新现象是，久已形成的男人皆武士的形象正逐渐消失。

13 fully   

adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地

参考例句：

• The doctor asked me to breathe in,then to breathe out fully.医生让我先吸气，然后全部呼出。
• They soon became fully integrated into the local community.他们很快就完全融入了当地人的圈子。

14 reciprocating   

adj.往复的；来回的；交替的；摆动的v.报答，酬答( reciprocate的现在分词 )；（机器的部件）直线往复运动

参考例句：

• Dynamic loading is produced by seismic forces, non-steady wind, blast, reciprocating machinery. 动荷载是由于地震力、不稳定的风、冲击波，往复式机器所产生。 来自辞典例句
• The prime mover may be a gas reciprocating engine. 原动机可能是燃气往复式发动机。 来自辞典例句

15 eloquent   

adj.雄辩的，口才流利的；明白显示出的

参考例句：

• He was so eloquent that he cut down the finest orator.他能言善辩，胜过最好的演说家。
• These ruins are an eloquent reminder of the horrors of war.这些废墟形象地提醒人们不要忘记战争的恐怖。

16 impaired   

adj.受损的；出毛病的；有（身体或智力）缺陷的v.损害，削弱( impair的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• Much reading has impaired his vision. 大量读书损害了他的视力。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
• His hearing is somewhat impaired. 他的听觉已受到一定程度的损害。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》

17 distractions   

n.使人分心的事[人]( distraction的名词复数 )；娱乐，消遣；心烦意乱；精神错乱

参考例句：

• I find it hard to work at home because there are too many distractions. 我发觉在家里工作很难，因为使人分心的事太多。
• There are too many distractions here to work properly. 这里叫人分心的事太多，使人无法好好工作。 来自《简明英汉词典》

18 interface   

n.接合部位，分界面；v.(使)互相联系

参考例句：

• My computer has a network interface,which allows me to get to other computers.我的计算机有网络接口可以与其它计算机连在一起。
• This program has perspicuous interface and extensive application. 该程序界面明了，适用范围广。

19 deficit   

n.亏空，亏损；赤字，逆差

参考例句：

• The directors have reported a deficit of 2.5 million dollars.董事们报告赤字为250万美元。
• We have a great deficit this year.我们今年有很大亏损。

20 disorder   

n.紊乱，混乱；骚动，骚乱；疾病，失调

参考例句：

• When returning back,he discovered the room to be in disorder.回家后，他发现屋子里乱七八糟。
• It contained a vast number of letters in great disorder.里面七零八落地装着许多信件。