美国国家公共电台 NPR A Memoir Of An '80s California Childhood — And Being Steve Jobs' Daughter

 

RACHEL MARTIN, HOST:

The book "Small Fry" is a memoir¹ of a girl growing up in 1980s California. She's raised by her single mom, a struggling artist. And the two are always moving from place to place, never able to make ends meet. The author says it's a universal coming-of-age story amid the scent² of eucalyptus³ and West Coast sunlight, except the writer's father is Steve Jobs, the founder⁴ of Apple. Lisa Brennan-Jobs was born when Steve Jobs was really young, focused on his work. And he didn't want to be a father. In her book, though, Lisa Brennan-Jobs is trying not to present herself as a victim.

LISA BRENNAN-JOBS: When I started writing it, there was a lot of self-pity. I would try to get the reader to feel bad for me, and it turned out that it doesn't really work on the page.

MARTIN: Why did you want to do that?

BRENNAN-JOBS: 'Cause I felt bad for myself, and I felt very ashamed, I think. So what I had to do was go back into the stories that weren't working and understand where my part in them was. I mean, a friend said to me, hey, Lisa, I knew you then. You kind of got your way.

MARTIN: (Laughter).

BRENNAN-JOBS: I don't really believe this victim stuff.

MARTIN: Interesting.

BRENNAN-JOBS: For example, I had a lot of pity around the fact that we didn't have working heat in the downstairs part of the house when I lived with my dad.

MARTIN: Right.

BRENNAN-JOBS: And I would sort of use this story to get pity from other people, and it works.

MARTIN: I mean, yeah, even in the book. I read that, and I'm like, he was depriving you of heat in that room?

BRENNAN-JOBS: No, but the truth is Northern California doesn't really get that cold. I could've changed rooms if I'd needed to. It was a stand-in for something else. And I'm not saying that it's not an element of the story. But when I could see underneath⁵ my own stories and sort of was on to myself a bit, it opened the book up for me.

MARTIN: How did you think about Steve Jobs before he admitted that he was your father? How did you think about this guy who would show up and take you roller-skating in your neighborhood?

BRENNAN-JOBS: My mother had kept the fact of my father alive for me in the sense that she knew him well. She knew his better nature. And she knew he was my father (laughter).

MARTIN: Yeah.

BRENNAN-JOBS: So she had, I think, quite skillfully kept him alive for me. So that when he did decide to become more a part of my life, there was a place for him in my heart.

MARTIN: How did you walk through the world knowing that you were the daughter of Steve Jobs? How did you navigate⁶ that part of your identity?

BRENNAN-JOBS: I would use anything I had. I think there's something about being a kid where you don't really have much yet. So maybe you use your tennis shoes 'cause they're nice, or you use your - I don't know - maybe your parents have a pool or something (laughter). And so this is what I had. And I describe this in the book. Like, it was like an itch⁷ sometimes. If I felt badly about myself, I could slyly pull out that I have this famous father. And of course it didn't really work because...

MARTIN: Right, it didn't scratch the itch.

BRENNAN-JOBS: I didn't have a nice - well, also it didn't seem real, right? Like, I didn't have the clothes that a kid with a famous, rich dad would have. I didn't have the house. I didn't have the mannerisms. I didn't have the sense of entitlement. And I don't mean that in a bad way. I just - we didn't have the stuff, so I'd pull it out to try to make myself feel better or feel special. You know, these are things that I might have wanted to hide when I was writing the book. And I kind of just decided⁸ to jump into the points that I was ashamed of and see if it would resonate with other people.

MARTIN: I think it's fair to say that when it came to sharing his financial wealth, Steve Jobs was not necessarily that generous towards you when you were younger. Examples, he rushed to sign a child support agreement just four days before Apple went public, making him worth more than $200 million. You and your mom asked him for help to buy a house in Palo Alto, and he bought it for himself instead. Why do you think he did those things?

BRENNAN-JOBS: I think he knew that he hadn't done right by me, and he was also very young. But then there was something that he did later in my life, which is - a lot of people might have then shoved money at me to try to compensate⁹. But of course money later doesn't compensate for money earlier. Money can be detrimental¹⁰ for kids. And I guess I would say about myself, like, I might've settled for it. I probably shouldn't say that. I might have - I just think, like, if he bought me a pony¹¹ and bought everything I wanted, I think I might have been falsely soothed¹².

MARTIN: It is clear throughout the book that despite all of that, not just the financial deprivation¹³ but also how he kept himself away from you - I mean, there was a distance, a coldness during your childhood. But you loved him throughout. You revered¹⁴ him even throughout, but did you ever allow yourself to be angry at him?

BRENNAN-JOBS: I think both of us went off and on. But there was a time when I was living in London after college. We weren't really in touch. And I - missing him, some misguided attempt to connect with him, I checked his website. And he said he had three children and not four. Oh, and I was so upset. Just this feeling of always wanting to be on the inside but being on the outside. And I guess the thing is if you're in the comfy inner circle, you don't need to write a book to understand your life. But it was very painful to feel this kind of whiplash of being his daughter and then not being his daughter. And I actually called him at work and left a message and asked - and told him about the work bio. And I called my aunts, and I called my mom. And I tried to get him to change it, which of course is a little sad because if someone changes something 'cause you've asked them to...

MARTIN: Right.

BRENNAN-JOBS: ...It's a little different

MARTIN: It's not the same.

(LAUGHTER)

BRENNAN-JOBS: And he changed it for about a week, and then it was changed back. I don't know what happened.

MARTIN: What was your last conversation like with him?

BRENNAN-JOBS: He was apologizing. And he was - we had a kind of Hollywood ending, which I didn't think would happen - so strange. You see these movies where people apologize in the end, and you think there's no way that it will ever happen in life. But it did happen. And he was saying this phrase, I owe you one, I owe you one, which was so confusing to me. But it was soothing¹⁵. But I think, still, I had to go over it in my mind again. And the real resolution for me came more in writing the book, even more than our last conversation.

MARTIN: Lisa Brennan-Jobs. Her new memoir is titled "Small Fry." Thanks so much for talking with us.

BRENNAN-JOBS: Thank you so much.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

MARTIN: "Small Fry" did not sit well with the rest of the Jobs family. Steve's wife, Laurene Powell Jobs, their kids and his sister Mona Simpson put out this statement, saying the book, quote, "differs dramatically from our memories of those times. The portrayal¹⁶ of Steve is not the husband and father we knew. Steve loved Lisa, and he regretted that he was not the father he should have been during her early childhood."

1 memoir   

n.[pl.]回忆录，自传；记事录

参考例句：

• He has just published a memoir in honour of his captain.他刚刚出了一本传记来纪念他的队长。
• In her memoir,the actress wrote about the bittersweet memories of her first love.在那个女演员的自传中，她写到了自己苦乐掺半的初恋。

2 scent   

n.气味，香味，香水，线索，嗅觉；v.嗅，发觉

参考例句：

• The air was filled with the scent of lilac.空气中弥漫着丁香花的芬芳。
• The flowers give off a heady scent at night.这些花晚上散发出醉人的芳香。

3 eucalyptus   

n.桉树，桉属植物

参考例句：

• Eucalyptus oil is good for easing muscular aches and pains.桉树油可以很好地缓解肌肉的疼痛。
• The birds rustled in the eucalyptus trees.鸟在桉树弄出沙沙的响声。

4 Founder   

n.创始者，缔造者

参考例句：

• He was extolled as the founder of their Florentine school.他被称颂为佛罗伦萨画派的鼻祖。
• According to the old tradition,Romulus was the founder of Rome.按照古老的传说，罗穆卢斯是古罗马的建国者。

5 underneath   

adj.在...下面，在...底下；adv.在下面

参考例句：

• Working underneath the car is always a messy job.在汽车底下工作是件脏活。
• She wore a coat with a dress underneath.她穿着一件大衣，里面套着一条连衣裙。

6 navigate   

v.航行，飞行；导航，领航

参考例句：

• He was the first man to navigate the Atlantic by air.他是第一个飞越大西洋的人。
• Such boats can navigate on the Nile.这种船可以在尼罗河上航行。

7 itch   

n.痒，渴望，疥癣；vi.发痒，渴望

参考例句：

• Shylock has an itch for money.夏洛克渴望发财。
• He had an itch on his back.他背部发痒。

8 decided   

adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的

参考例句：

• This gave them a decided advantage over their opponents.这使他们比对手具有明显的优势。
• There is a decided difference between British and Chinese way of greeting.英国人和中国人打招呼的方式有很明显的区别。

9 compensate   

vt.补偿，赔偿；酬报 vi.弥补；补偿；抵消

参考例句：

• She used her good looks to compensate her lack of intelligence. 她利用她漂亮的外表来弥补智力的不足。
• Nothing can compensate for the loss of one's health. 一个人失去了键康是不可弥补的。

10 detrimental   

adj.损害的，造成伤害的

参考例句：

• We know that heat treatment is detrimental to milk.我们知道加热对牛奶是不利的。
• He wouldn't accept that smoking was detrimental to health.他不相信吸烟有害健康。

11 pony   

adj.小型的；n.小马

参考例句：

• His father gave him a pony as a Christmas present.他父亲给了他一匹小马驹作为圣诞礼物。
• They made him pony up the money he owed.他们逼他还债。

12 soothed   

v.安慰( soothe的过去式和过去分词 )；抚慰；使舒服；减轻痛苦

参考例句：

• The music soothed her for a while. 音乐让她稍微安静了一会儿。
• The soft modulation of her voice soothed the infant. 她柔和的声调使婴儿安静了。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》

13 deprivation   

n.匮乏；丧失；夺去，贫困

参考例句：

• Many studies make it clear that sleep deprivation is dangerous.多实验都证实了睡眠被剥夺是危险的。
• Missing the holiday was a great deprivation.错过假日是极大的损失。

14 revered   

v.崇敬，尊崇，敬畏( revere的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• A number of institutions revered and respected in earlier times have become Aunt Sally for the present generation. 一些早年受到尊崇的惯例，现在已经成了这代人嘲弄的对象了。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• The Chinese revered corn as a gift from heaven. 中国人将谷物奉为上天的恩赐。 来自辞典例句

15 soothing   

adj.慰藉的；使人宽心的；镇静的

参考例句：

• Put on some nice soothing music.播放一些柔和舒缓的音乐。
• His casual, relaxed manner was very soothing.他随意而放松的举动让人很快便平静下来。

16 portrayal   

n.饰演；描画

参考例句：

• His novel is a vivid portrayal of life in a mining community.他的小说生动地描绘了矿区的生活。
• The portrayal of the characters in the novel is lifelike.该书中的人物写得有血有肉。