时代周刊 人到中年婚姻陷入危机怎么办

Where even the best marriages are hard: in the middle

最美满的婚姻也难抵挡：中间那段岁月

By Belinda Luscombe

作者：Belinda Luscombe

EVERYONE WHO JUST GOT MARRIED is psyched about it.

刚刚步入婚姻殿堂时，大家都会兴奋不已。

It’s a new adventure with their best friend.

因为他们即将和最要好的朋友开启一段新的旅程。

Everyone who has been married for 50 years or more is psyched about it.

结婚五十年甚至更久的人也会兴奋不已。

They’re living with their closest companion— it’s been a trip, totally worth it.

因为他们的一生是和自己最亲密的伴侣度过的 - 他们的婚姻是一次绝对超值的旅行。

But the people in the middle?

那夹在他们中间的那群人呢？

They’re, you know, they’re fine.

他们……勉勉强强吧，你懂的。

They perhaps didn’t expect marriage to be quite as much work as it is.

或许，他们实际的婚姻比他们想象的要麻烦得多。

Not just the child care and the housekeeping and the paying of the bills,

除了照顾孩子、做家务、支付账单，

but the parts that are supposed to be fun— the talking, the planning, the throwing a leg over.

婚姻还要聊天，制定计划，性爱这些本该很有趣的事情。

They had been led to believe it would feel easier, more natural.

在社会的引导下，他们会以为婚姻应该更轻松、更自然。

The thing about walking off into the sunset together is that then it gets dark and people stumble over each other.

手牵手看落日的结果不过是天黑了，两人还可能被对方绊倒。。

Two new books seek to solve just this midlife marital¹ ennui²:

而下面这两本新书就是来帮助大家解决这种人到中年婚姻陷入无趣的尴尬问题：

The Rough Patch, by San Francisco clinical psychologist Daphne de Marneffe,

旧金山临床心理学家Daphne de Marneffe撰写的《粗糙的补丁》

and Happy Together, by husband-and-wife marital educators Suzann Pileggi Pawelski and James Pawelski.

和夫妻婚姻教育家Suzann Pileggi Pawelski和James Pawelski合著的《幸福生活在一起》。

The midlife crisis is an old cliché, with little support in research,

中年危机这个问题早已不新鲜，这方面的研究寥寥无几，

but when we dismiss the happiness dip that people experience in their middle years,

然而，忽视人到中年经历的幸福感下降这一问题时，

"we are actually trying to disarm³ the intensity⁴ of the forces we are grappling with," de Marneffe writes.

“面对这一问题，我们实际上是在试图瓦解对手的力量，”德马内夫写道。

"The midpoint of life represents the moment of maximal conflict

“在我们的人生中，中年其实代表的是冲突最大化的时刻，

between our drive to seek external solutions to our emotional dilemmas⁵ and our recognition that ultimately they don’t work. "

寻求外部方案来解决我们的情绪问题与我们那最终失效的认识之间的冲突。”

It’s also often the point where our tenacity⁶ falters⁷

这通常也是我们坚韧不拔的品质开始动摇的时间，

and the neat selvages of our certainties about who we are and whom we chose start to fray⁸.

是我们对自我认识的笃定，对我们选择的伴侣的笃定开始动摇的时间。

1 marital   

adj.婚姻的，夫妻的

参考例句：

• Her son had no marital problems.她的儿子没有婚姻问题。
• I regret getting involved with my daughter's marital problems;all its done is to bring trouble about my ears.我后悔干涉我女儿的婚姻问题, 现在我所做的一切将给我带来无穷的烦恼。

2 ennui   

n.怠倦，无聊

参考例句：

• Since losing his job,he has often experienced a profound sense of ennui.他自从失业以来，常觉百无聊赖。
• Took up a hobby to relieve the ennui of retirement.养成一种嗜好以消除退休后的无聊。

3 disarm   

v.解除武装，回复平常的编制，缓和

参考例句：

• The world has waited 12 years for Iraq to disarm. 全世界等待伊拉克解除武装已有12年之久。
• He has rejected every peaceful opportunity offered to him to disarm.他已经拒绝了所有能和平缴械的机会。

4 intensity   

n.强烈，剧烈；强度；烈度

参考例句：

• I didn't realize the intensity of people's feelings on this issue.我没有意识到这一问题能引起群情激奋。
• The strike is growing in intensity.罢工日益加剧。

5 dilemmas   

n.左右为难( dilemma的名词复数 )；窘境，困境

参考例句：

• They dealt with their dilemmas by mixing perhaps unintentionally an explosive brew. 他们――也许是无意地――把爆炸性的佐料混合在一起，以此来应付困难处境。 来自辞典例句
• Ten years later we encountered the same dilemmas in Vietnam. 十年后，我们又在越南遇到了同样进退两难的局面。 来自辞典例句

6 tenacity   

n.坚韧

参考例句：

• Tenacity is the bridge to success.坚韧是通向成功的桥。
• The athletes displayed great tenacity throughout the contest.运动员在比赛中表现出坚韧的斗志。

7 falters   

（嗓音）颤抖( falter的第三人称单数 )； 支吾其词； 蹒跚； 摇晃

参考例句：

• He never falters in his determination. 他的决心从不动摇。
• The plan never falters; the design never changes. It is all ordered. 大自然从不步履蹒跚，从不三心二意，一切都是有条不紊。

8 fray   

v.争吵；打斗；磨损，磨破；n.吵架；打斗

参考例句：

• Why should you get involved in their fray?你为什么要介入他们的争吵呢？
• Tempers began to fray in the hot weather.大热天脾气烦燥。