月亮和六便士 第二十九章(3)

 She couldn't bear the sight of him. 她那么讨厌这个人。

It was more than improbable; it was incredible. 这种事根本不可能，简直不能令人相信。

I thought it was merely jealousy¹. 我本来以为这是我的嫉妒心在作祟。

You see, I've always been jealous, but I trained myself never to show it;  你知道，我一向是非常嫉妒的，但是我训练了自己，从来不表现出来。

I was jealous of every man she knew; I was jealous of you. 她认识的每一个人我都嫉妒，连你我都嫉妒。

I knew she didn't love me as I loved her. That was only natural, wasn't it? 我知道她不象我爱她那样爱我。这是很自然的，不是吗？

But she allowed me to love her, and that was enough to make me happy. 但是她允许我爱她，这样我就觉得幸福了。

I forced myself to go out for hours together in order to leave them by themselves; 我强逼着自己到外面去，一待就是好几个钟头，让他们两人单独在一起。

I wanted to punish myself for suspicions which were unworthy of me; 我认为我这样怀疑她降低了我的人格，我要惩罚自己。

and when I came back I found they didn't want me—not Strickland, he didn't care if I was there or not, but Blanche. 可是当我从外面回来以后我发现他们并不需要我——思特里克兰德需要不需要我倒没关系，我在家不在家对他根本无所谓，我是说我发现勃朗什并不需要我。

She shuddered² when I went to kiss her. 当我走过去吻她的时候，她浑身一颤。

When at last I was certain I didn't know what to do; 最后我对这件事已经知道得千真万确，可是又不知道该怎么办。

I knew they'd only laugh at me if I made a scene. 我知道如果我大吵大闹一场，只能引起他们的嘲笑。

I thought if I held my tongue and pretended not to see, everything would come right. 我认为如果我假装什么都没看到，并不把这件事挑明，也许事情就过去了。

I made up my mind to get him away quietly, without quarrelling. 我打定主意悄悄地把他打发走，用不着吵架。

Oh, if you only knew what I've suffered! 咳，要是我能告诉你我心里那个痛苦劲儿就好了！”

Then he told me again of his asking Strickland to go. 接着他把叫思特里克兰德搬出去的事又说了一遍。

He chose his moment carefully, and tried to make his request sound casual; 他很小心地选择了一个时机，他尽量使自己的语气显得很随便，但是他还是无法克制自己。

and he felt himself that into words that he wished to seem jovial³ and friendly there crept the bitterness of his jealousy. 他的声音颤抖起来，本来想说得亲切、逗笑的话语却流露出嫉妒的怒火。

He had not expected Strickland to take him up on the spot and make his preparations to go there and then; above all,  他没有想到自己一说，思特里克兰德就同意了，而且马上就收拾起东西来。

he had not expected his wife's decision to go with him. 最出乎他意料的是，他的妻子也要同思特里克兰德一起走。

I saw that now he wished with all his heart that he had held his tongue. 看得出来，他非常懊悔，真希望自己继续隐忍下去。

He preferred the anguish⁴ of jealousy to the anguish of separation. 比起分离的痛苦来，他宁愿忍受妒火的煎熬。

1 jealousy   

n.妒忌，嫉妒，猜忌

参考例句：

• Some women have a disposition to jealousy.有些女人生性爱妒忌。
• I can't support your jealousy any longer.我再也无法忍受你的嫉妒了。

2 shuddered   

v.战栗( shudder的过去式和过去分词 )；发抖；（机器、车辆等）突然震动；颤动

参考例句：

• He slammed on the brakes and the car shuddered to a halt. 他猛踩刹车，车颤抖着停住了。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• I shuddered at the sight of the dead body. 我一看见那尸体就战栗。 来自《简明英汉词典》

3 jovial   

adj.快乐的，好交际的

参考例句：

• He seemed jovial,but his eyes avoided ours.他显得很高兴，但他的眼光却避开了我们的眼光。
• Grandma was plump and jovial.祖母身材圆胖，整天乐呵呵的。

4 anguish   

n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼

参考例句：

• She cried out for anguish at parting.分手时，她由于痛苦而失声大哭。
• The unspeakable anguish wrung his heart.难言的痛苦折磨着他的心。