英语沙龙：怒放的生命

Deciding to Live

I believe I am a climber. Three years ago, a series of medical and personal crises¹ took what was a clinical depression and made it something much darker. I thought of it as falling—as jumping off a bridge on a rainy winter day: three seconds in the air before I hit the water and plunged² deep into the icy cold, my heavy coat pulling me deeper. And the surface far overhead—too far away.

This is the question that kept me from making the image a real one. What if I changed my mind? Jumping into the water, the air in my lungs would fail me before I could swim back to the living world. I would know for those last seconds that I did want to live after all,but it would be too late. I'm not sure why I started climbing. I walked through the door of the local climbing gym one day on a whim³. It was an alien world: strong beautiful men and women, towering walls under sodium⁴ vapor⁵ lights, white dust filling the air. Light instead of dark. Up instead of down.

It was in every way the opposite of what was inside me. The second time I climbed, I got to a move where I was sure I would fall. I was 25 feet up on a rope, but I didn't know yet that I could trust it. I heard my voice say out loud, "I have a choice here: fear or joy. " What I meant was, climb or don't climb, live or die. In the more than two years since then, I have climbed hundreds of days—inside and out, sometimes tied to a rope, often not. I do pay a price here. My body can be so bruised⁶ from hitting walls that people ask me about my home situation.

Nine months ago, I broke my leg and ankle. I healed⁷ fast, but the risk remains⁸. Next time I might not. Climbing requires a cold-blooded decision to live. If I am inattentive or careless, I will fall. Every time I climb at the gym, or rope up for a route outside, or go bouldering—which is climbing without a rope, and often more dangerous—I am taking a risk.

And I am committing to staying alive. Now, I believe in climbing, in not jumping. Jumping would have been easy, just step over the bridge railing and let go. Climbing is harder, but worth it. I believe that deciding to live was the right decision. There's no way to describe the terrible darkness of depression in a way that non-depressed people can understand. Now, I'm less focused on the darkness. Instead, I think about the joy I feel in conquering⁹ it and the tool I used. I am a climber, and I am alive.

1 crises   

n. 危机；危险期

参考例句：

• Economic crises recur periodically. 经济危机周期性地发生。
• Great crises often call forth gifted leaders. 危急存亡之际常能产生天才的领袖。

2 plunged   

v.颠簸( plunge的过去式和过去分词 )；暴跌；骤降；突降

参考例句：

• The train derailed and plunged into the river. 火车脱轨栽进了河里。
• She lost her balance and plunged 100 feet to her death. 她没有站稳，从100英尺的高处跌下摔死了。

3 whim   

n.一时的兴致，突然的念头；奇想，幻想

参考例句：

• I bought the encyclopedia on a whim.我凭一时的兴致买了这本百科全书。
• He had a sudden whim to go sailing today.今天他突然想要去航海。

4 sodium   

n.（化）钠

参考例句：

• Out over the town the sodium lights were lit.在外面，全城的钠光灯都亮了。
• Common salt is a compound of sodium and chlorine.食盐是钠和氯的复合物。

5 vapor   

n.蒸汽，雾气

参考例句：

• The cold wind condenses vapor into rain.冷风使水蒸气凝结成雨。
• This new machine sometimes transpires a lot of hot vapor.这部机器有时排出大量的热气。

6 bruised   

[医]青肿的，瘀紫的

参考例句：

• his bruised and bloodied nose 他沾满血的青肿的鼻子
• She had slipped and badly bruised her face. 她滑了一跤，摔得鼻青脸肿。

7 healed   

v.（使）愈合( heal的过去式和过去分词 )；治愈；（使）结束；较容易忍受

参考例句：

• The surgeon healed the soldier's bullet wound in the leg. 医生治好了那位士兵腿部的枪伤。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• The doctor applied an unguent to the wound,which speedily healed it. 医生给伤口涂了些油膏，伤口很快就愈合了。 来自《简明英汉词典》

8 remains   

n.剩余物，残留物；遗体，遗迹

参考例句：

• He ate the remains of food hungrily.他狼吞虎咽地吃剩余的食物。
• The remains of the meal were fed to the dog.残羹剩饭喂狗了。

9 conquering   

攻克( conquer的现在分词 )； 征服； 破除； 克服

参考例句：

• At last the climbers succeeded in conquering the difficult mountain. 登山队员们终于成功地征服了这座难以攀登的山峰。
• The long-cherished dream of conquering the Huanghe River will become a reality. 征服黄河的梦想将会成为现实。