Sample Outline and Essay

 　　Below you will find a sample outline and the essay written from that outline.

　　OUTLINE

　　Paragraph 1 (Introduction)

　　I. Leading sentence: “It took me eighteen years to realize what an extraordinary influence my mother has been on my life.”

　　II. Summary of main points: “I not only came to love the excitement of learning simply for the sake of knowing something new, but I also came to understand the idea of giving back to the community in exchange for a new sense of life, love, and spirit.”

　　Paragraph 2 (First Supporting Point)

　　I. Transition sentence: “My mother’s enthusiasm for learning is most apparent in travel.”

　　II. Supporting point: Her mother’s enthusiasm for learning.

　　III. Evidence: Learning through travel by using the example of a trip to Greece.

　　Paragraph 3 (Second Supporting Point)

　　I. Transition sentence: “While I treasure the various worlds my mother has opened to me abroad, my life has been equally transformed by what she has shown me just two miles from my house.”

　　II. Supporting point: Her mother’s dedication¹ to the community.

　　III. Evidence: Her multiple volunteer activities such as helping² at the local soup kitchen.

　　Paragraph 4 (Conclusion)

　　I. Transition sentence: “Everything that my mother has ever done has been overshadowed by the thought behind it.”

　　II. Reiteration³ of main points: “She has enriched my life with her passion for learning, and changed it with her devotion to humanity.”

　　III. Taking it one step further: “Next year, I will find a new home miles away. However, my mother will always be by my side.”

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　　COMPLETED ESSAY

　　Note: The below essay was not edited by EssayEdge Editors. It appears as it was initially⁴ reviewed by admissions officers.

　　It took me eighteen years to realize what an extraordinary influence my mother has been on my life. She’s the kind of person who has thoughtful discussions about which artist she would most want to have her portrait painted by (Sargent), the kind of mother who always has time for her four children, and the kind of community leader who has a seat on the board of every major project to assist Washington’s impoverished⁵ citizens. Growing up with such a strong role model, I developed many of her enthusiasms. I not only came to love the excitement of learning simply for the sake of knowing something new, but I also came to understand the idea of giving back to the community in exchange for a new sense of life, love, and spirit.

　　My mother’s enthusiasm for learning is most apparent in travel. I was nine years old when my family visited Greece. Every night for three weeks before the trip, my older brother Peter and I sat with my mother on her bed reading Greek myths and taking notes on the Greek Gods. Despite the fact that we were traveling with fourteen-month-old twins, we managed to be at each ruin when the site opened at sunrise. I vividly⁶ remember standing⁷ in an empty amphitheatre pretending to be an ancient tragedian, picking out my favorite sculpture in the Acropolis museum, and inserting our family into modified tales of the battle at Troy. Eight years and half a dozen passport stamps later I have come to value what I have learned on these journeys about global history, politics and culture, as well as my family and myself.

　　While I treasure the various worlds my mother has opened to me abroad, my life has been equally transformed by what she has shown me just two miles from my house. As a ten year old, I often accompanied my mother to (name deleted), a local soup kitchen and children’s center. While she attended meetings, I helped with the Summer Program by chasing children around the building and performing magic tricks. Having finally perfected the “floating paintbrush” trick, I began work as a full time volunteer with the five and six year old children last June. It is here that I met Jane Doe, an exceptionally strong girl with a vigor⁸ that is contagious⁹. At the end of the summer, I decided¹⁰ to continue my work at (name deleted) as Jane’s tutor. Although the position is often difficult, the personal rewards are beyond articulation¹¹. In the seven years since I first walked through the doors of (name deleted), I have learned not only the idea of giving to others, but also of deriving¹² from them a sense of spirit.

　　Everything that my mother has ever done has been overshadowed by the thought behind it. While the raw experiences I have had at home and abroad have been spectacular, I have learned to truly value them by watching my mother. She has enriched my life with her passion for learning, and changed it with her devotion to humanity. In her endless love of everything and everyone she is touched by, I have seen a hope and life that is truly exceptional. Next year, I will find a new home miles away. However, my mother will always be by my side.

1 dedication   

n.奉献，献身，致力，题献，献辞

参考例句：

• We admire her courage,compassion and dedication.我们钦佩她的勇气、爱心和奉献精神。
• Her dedication to her work was admirable.她对工作的奉献精神可钦可佩。

2 helping   

n.食物的一份&adj.帮助人的，辅助的

参考例句：

• The poor children regularly pony up for a second helping of my hamburger. 那些可怜的孩子们总是要求我把我的汉堡包再给他们一份。
• By doing this, they may at times be helping to restore competition. 这样一来, 他在某些时候,有助于竞争的加强。

3 reiteration   

n. 重覆, 反覆, 重说

参考例句：

• The reiteration of this figure, more than anything else, wrecked the conservative chance of coming back. 重申这数字，比其它任何事情更能打消保守党重新上台的机会。
• The final statement is just a reiteration of U.S. policy on Taiwan. 艾瑞里？最后一个声明只是重复宣读美国对台政策。

4 initially   

adv.最初，开始

参考例句：

• The ban was initially opposed by the US.这一禁令首先遭到美国的反对。
• Feathers initially developed from insect scales.羽毛最初由昆虫的翅瓣演化而来。

5 impoverished   

adj.穷困的，无力的，用尽了的v.使（某人）贫穷( impoverish的过去式和过去分词 )；使（某物）贫瘠或恶化

参考例句：

• the impoverished areas of the city 这个城市的贫民区
• They were impoverished by a prolonged spell of unemployment. 他们因长期失业而一贫如洗。 来自《简明英汉词典》

6 vividly   

adv.清楚地，鲜明地，生动地

参考例句：

• The speaker pictured the suffering of the poor vividly.演讲者很生动地描述了穷人的生活。
• The characters in the book are vividly presented.这本书里的人物写得栩栩如生。

7 standing   

n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的

参考例句：

• After the earthquake only a few houses were left standing.地震过后只有几幢房屋还立着。
• They're standing out against any change in the law.他们坚决反对对法律做任何修改。

8 vigor   

n.活力，精力，元气

参考例句：

• The choir sang the words out with great vigor.合唱团以极大的热情唱出了歌词。
• She didn't want to be reminded of her beauty or her former vigor.现在，她不愿人们提起她昔日的美丽和以前的精力充沛。

9 contagious   

adj.传染性的，有感染力的

参考例句：

• It's a highly contagious infection.这种病极易传染。
• He's got a contagious laugh.他的笑富有感染力。

10 decided   

adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的

参考例句：

• This gave them a decided advantage over their opponents.这使他们比对手具有明显的优势。
• There is a decided difference between British and Chinese way of greeting.英国人和中国人打招呼的方式有很明显的区别。

11 articulation   

n.（清楚的）发音；清晰度，咬合

参考例句：

• His articulation is poor.他发音不清楚。
• She spoke with a lazy articulation.她说话慢吞吞的。

12 deriving   

v.得到( derive的现在分词 )；（从…中）得到获得；源于；（从…中）提取

参考例句：

• I anticipate deriving much instruction from the lecture. 我期望从这演讲中获得很多教益。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• He anticipated his deriving much instruction from the lecture. 他期望从这次演讲中得到很多教益。 来自辞典例句