剩男剩女最恨九大问题

 The good thing about being single is that people are usually pretty willing to talk about your romantic life, because, let's face it, it's probably more entertaining than that of your seriously coupled-up friends.

单身的好处之一是人们往往很愿意谈论你浪漫的感情生活，面对现实吧，你的生活显然比那些已经成双成对的朋友来得丰富多彩些。

The bad news? Sometimes, people will want to talk about your love life regardless of whether or not you're in the mood to talk about it. And they will have opinions. And questions. And if you're single for long enough, a lot of these are gonna start sounding the same...

缺点呢？有时候，即便是你不想谈的时候，人们还是会抓着你的感情生活喋喋不休。而且他们总是有说不完的意见和问题。如果你单身的时间长了，就会一直听到下面这些换汤不换药的话：

1. "Are you seeing someone? Why not?"

“你有对象了吗？为什么没有呢？”

Amazingly, I get this question at least once a week. At least once a week! It's fun to turn the question around to the asker. "Why are you in a relationship?" "Because I'm in love!" "Right, well, I'm not." End of discussion!

你可能不相信，但我每周最少都能被问到一次这问题。一周一次还是最少的！想要找点乐子的话，我就会反问提问的人：“那你为什么有对象了呢？” “因为我找到爱情了啊。” “太对了，我就是没找到啊。” 讨论结束！

2. "Have you tried online dating?"

“你试过网恋吗？”

Online dating? What is this new fangled thing you speak of? (Of course we're online dating!)

网恋？你是在说什么新发明新创造吗？（这不是废话嘛！我当然正在网上找啦。）

3. "It'll happen when you least expect it."

“你不想找的时候，真命天子/女就会出现了。”

The problem is, if you're single and actively¹ looking, then you're always kind of expecting it.

但问题是，如果你正单身而且有意结束单身，你很难不期待这种事。

4. "Oh my god, can I wing for you? I am such a good wingman."

“我的天哪，我帮你怎么样？我最擅长帮人牵线了。”

If you're single for long enough, you become sort of a toy, a pet project for your coupled up friends. They like to parade you out to bars and insist on winging for you, which is really just a way for them to vicariously experience the "thrill" of picking someone up at a bar. The problem is that for them, it's all about the hunt, and not at all about finding someone with whom you would actually be compatible in the long term (or even just in daylight). The end result is usually a huffy ride home ("But I set it up perfectly² for you! He was so into you! He was not that bad!") followed by the inevitable³ conclusion that you are single because you're picky and obviously impervious⁴ to even the most nuanced and skillful winging.

如果你单身久了，你就成了身边已经有伴的朋友们眼中的玩具或者宠物什么的。他们总是想带你去酒吧，然后坚持要帮你找人搭讪。但事实上，这只是为了他们自己获得在酒吧帮人找伴的“快感”。对他们而言，最主要的找到一个合适的猎物，而不是找到一个你真的有可能长期交往下去（甚至只是在白天也能看）的人选。结果往往是互相抱怨着开车回家。（他们会说：“我不是给你找了个最好的嘛。他对你又这么有意思。他不错啦。”）然后就会归结到你单身就是因为你太挑剔，即便是他们这种最体贴最有本事的红娘也不能帮你找到心仪的人。

5. "You need to put yourself out there more!"

“你需要多出去接触接触。”

Out where, exactly? Whenever some helpful soul suggests this to me, I immediately picture myself in the middle of some crowded piazza⁵, waving my arms around, saying "yooo-hoooo!"

出去？去哪儿？每次有好心人对我做这种建议的时候，我脑海里就会浮现这样的画面：自己身处一个人山人海广场中，挥动着双臂，声嘶力竭地喊着：“我在这儿呢！”

6. "Why don't you join a group?"

“你为什么不加入什么团体呢？”

It's a common misconception for people to think you're single because you just don't have enough hobbies.

人们常常误解，以为你单身的原因就是你的兴趣太不广泛了。

7. "You just need to ______."

“你只要……就行了。”

Flirt⁶. Make eye-contact. Go out. Wear brighter colors. Tone it down. Talk more. Talk less. Dress sluttier. Act more grown up. Meet more people. Shave your beard. Stop talking about comic books. Stop talking about your cat. Be less self-deprecating. Be lessintimidating. Let them see how awesome⁷ you are. Drink more. Don't get so drunk. Make the move. Don't shy away. Don't be so forward. Don't seem so desperate. Stand up straighter. Cut your hair. Grow out your hair. Be less picky. Be more discerning. Figure out exactly what you want. Make your profile funnier. Make your profile less goofy. Change your profile picture. Smile more. Go to bookstores. Go to coffee shops. Stop bringing up your ex. Stop talking to your ex. Stop thinking about your ex. Stop looking so hard. Stop trying so hard. Put a little more effort into it. Stop being so passive. Stop waiting for it to just happen. Be more confident. Go to grad school. Lower your expectations. Just have fun and date more. Get the rest of your life in order. Move to a smaller city. Move to a bigger city. Move to a different country. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself. Start making this a priority.

调情、眉目传情、多出去、穿些亮色的衣服、低调些、多说话、少说话、穿的暴露点、成熟稳重点、多交点朋友、把胡子剃了、别老谈漫画书了、别谈你的猫、别那么妄自菲薄、别那么居高临下、给他们机会了解你、多喝点酒、别喝醉、主动点、别害羞、别太主动了、别这么饥渴、站直了、剪个新发型、把脸露出来、别那么挑剔、知道自己要找什么样的、把你的资料改得有意思点、别那么神经兮兮的、换个头像、多笑笑、去书店转转、去咖啡馆看看、别老说前任、别跟前任联系了、别想着前任了、别那么高不可攀的样子、积极点、别那么主动、努力点、多点自信、读个研究生吧、降低点要求、轻松点多去约约会、把别的事情都安排好、搬去小点的城市、搬去大点的城市、出国吧、别把自己逼得太紧、把这件事当作头等大事来做。

For some reason, people will be alarmingly frank about what they think is wrong with you as long as they say it within the context of dating.

不知道什么原因，只要以找对象为主题，人们总是可以直言不讳地列举出他们觉得你有问题的地方。

8. "It's better to be single than to be in the wrong relationship."

“单身总比苦恋强。”

Well, yesssssssss...but it's best to be in the right relationship, no?

好吧，话是这么说，可是最好的事情还是甜蜜地恋爱着吧。

9. "Wow, I am so glad I never have to be single again."

“哇，能不再单身实在让我太开心了。”

Yes. Fabulous⁸. I am so happy for your good fortune.

是啊，太美好了。我也为你的幸福开心。

1 actively   

adv.积极地，勤奋地

参考例句：

• During this period all the students were actively participating.在这节课中所有的学生都积极参加。
• We are actively intervening to settle a quarrel.我们正在积极调解争执。

2 perfectly   

adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地

参考例句：

• The witnesses were each perfectly certain of what they said.证人们个个对自己所说的话十分肯定。
• Everything that we're doing is all perfectly above board.我们做的每件事情都是光明正大的。

3 inevitable   

adj.不可避免的，必然发生的

参考例句：

• Mary was wearing her inevitable large hat.玛丽戴着她总是戴的那顶大帽子。
• The defeat had inevitable consequences for British policy.战败对英国政策不可避免地产生了影响。

4 impervious   

adj.不能渗透的，不能穿过的，不易伤害的

参考例句：

• He was completely impervious to criticism.他对批评毫不在乎。
• This material is impervious to gases and liquids.气体和液体都透不过这种物质。

5 piazza   

n.广场；走廊

参考例句：

• Siena's main piazza was one of the sights of Italy.锡耶纳的主要广场是意大利的名胜之一。
• They walked out of the cafeteria,and across the piazzadj.他们走出自助餐厅,穿过广场。

6 flirt   

v.调情，挑逗，调戏；n.调情者，卖俏者

参考例句：

• He used to flirt with every girl he met.过去他总是看到一个姑娘便跟她调情。
• He watched the stranger flirt with his girlfriend and got fighting mad.看着那个陌生人和他女朋友调情，他都要抓狂了。

7 awesome   

adj.令人惊叹的，难得吓人的，很好的

参考例句：

• The church in Ireland has always exercised an awesome power.爱尔兰的教堂一直掌握着令人敬畏的权力。
• That new white convertible is totally awesome.那辆新的白色折篷汽车简直棒极了.

8 fabulous   

adj.极好的；极为巨大的；寓言中的，传说中的

参考例句：

• We had a fabulous time at the party.我们在晚会上玩得很痛快。
• This is a fabulous sum of money.这是一笔巨款。