The 3 Mistakes That Keep You Struggling

 The 3 Mistakes That Keep You Struggling

Are you finding your dreams a struggle?

You know that your future could be enjoyable, fulfilling and profitable. You probably even know what you have to do to make it happen.

So why is it that when you start moving in the right direction, you hit a slump¹, fall off of the wagon², and find yourself at a standstill wondering what went wrong.

I know that feeling. I know that frustration³, and I know how it feels to work really hard to achieve something, only to be confronted by the disappointment of not being able to keep it going.

I was watching some geese a few years ago their wings were flapping madly, legs pushing awkwardly, paddling hard across the lake as they tried to get into the air.

And I thought “that’s me”.

We know that take off’s a struggle, but if we can push hard and keep going, then some day – just like the geese – we’ll reach a point where we get free of the water and then we’ll fly. Isn’t that how it feels?

The problem is that it doesn’t happen like that: start struggling now, and you’ll be struggling later; it’s an un-sustainable approach, and that’s why we end up slumping⁴ back into the water rather than climbing into the sky.

Through my consulting work with senior executives I’ve come to realize that the people who do succeed – in all senses of that word – don’t struggle their way to success.

And they don’t struggle, because they aren’t making the same mistakes that most of the population is making, the mistakes that I made.

1) Are you trying to use unhappiness as motivation?

I’ll stop being unhappy when I lose 14lbs; I won’t be satisfied until I get that raise; I’d better not miss the deadline. Yes, it’s the ‘BIG stick’ school of motivation, and it’s the way that most people get themselves out of bed in the morning.

Unfortunately, when thinking about the goals you’re aiming for makes you feel bad, you *will* stop thinking about them so much. It’s just less painful that way.

And if you have to make yourself feel bad in order to get things done, I’ll guarantee that at some point you’ll find some really creative ways to stop that feeling: distractions⁶, denial, busy work, facebook? We all have our favorite ways to avoid cattle-prod motivation.

For success without struggle, we have to be happy with where we are now, while being drawn⁷ forward by a breadcrumb trail of challenges and rewards. Have you seen Steve Kamb’s TEDx talk about how he plays his life like a game?

Only when you can stop using un-happiness and dis-satisfaction as tools, will you be able to enjoy sustained motivation and success.

2) Are you insisting on a ‘direct route’ to success?

The lives and careers of the uber-successful twist and turn in unexpected ways, and that’s fine with them.

They don’t struggle against the powerful currents at play in the world, but equally they don’t abandon the direction they want to go. Like Neil Gaimon, they pick a goal, a distant mountain, and work their way towards it.

They don’t insist on the direct route, or count it as failure when they have to deviate⁸ from ‘the plan’. They take what opportunities came their way, they use the currents, and they move forward. Success without struggle.

3) Are you trying to change everything at once?

“Excellence⁹ is an art won by training and habituation… We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit” – Aristotle

To achieve success without struggle, we need to form really great habits. People who struggle either don’t know this, or try to ignore it.

They believe that they’ll be able to ‘will’ themselves through the day, learning 20 new habits at a time, and making sweeping¹⁰ changes, all while motivating themselves with dis-satisfaction (sounds like a fun life huh?)

Unfortunately, habits aren’t like that, and life isn’t like that. Roy Baumeisters experiments have shown pretty conclusively¹¹ that ‘will power’ – the ability to override¹² our natural default reactions – is a limited resource, a bit like physical strength.

So if we want to change a specific habitual¹³ behavior, we need to focus what little strength we have on that habit, rather than fritter it away across 20 different changes.

People who struggle take on too much in parallel. They try to lift weighty personal changes all day every day, and wonder why they are struggling when it comes to moving the important stuff.

* * * * *

Of course these mistakes are related. Motivating yourself with unhappiness makes you desperate to solve all of your ‘problems’ as quickly as possible. It encourages you to struggle, to force, to push, which in turn leads to planning and clinging to a ‘direct route’ that you’ve created in your imagination. You ignore the real world, ignore the left-field opportunities, and struggle on.

And when the changes don’t come fast enough; the rewards not frequent enough; and the motivational threats get too much to bear; distraction⁵, denial, and deception¹⁴ provide a welcome rest (and a productivity slump) Before you’re ready to start struggling again.

I saw the geese again the other day, and I realized that were no longer struggling. They’re enjoying themselves. They run across the water laughing, focusing on the moment they spread their wings, and catch the wind. It is a game, and I think that they have as much fun running along the lake as they do flying. I wonder if they knew the secret all along?

1 slump   

n.暴跌，意气消沉，（土地）下沉；vi.猛然掉落，坍塌，大幅度下跌

参考例句：

• She is in a slump in her career.她处在事业的低谷。
• Economists are forecasting a slump.经济学家们预言将发生经济衰退。

2 wagon   

n.四轮马车，手推车，面包车；无盖运货列车

参考例句：

• We have to fork the hay into the wagon.我们得把干草用叉子挑进马车里去。
• The muddy road bemired the wagon.马车陷入了泥泞的道路。

3 frustration   

n.挫折，失败，失效，落空

参考例句：

• He had to fight back tears of frustration.他不得不强忍住失意的泪水。
• He beat his hands on the steering wheel in frustration.他沮丧地用手打了几下方向盘。

4 slumping   

大幅度下降，暴跌( slump的现在分词 )； 沉重或突然地落下[倒下]

参考例句：

• Hong Kong's slumping economy also caused a rise in bankruptcy applications. 香港经济低迷，破产申请个案随之上升。
• And as with slumping, over-arching can also be a simple postural habit. 就像弯腰驼背，过度挺直也可能只是一种习惯性姿势。

5 distraction   

n.精神涣散，精神不集中，消遣，娱乐

参考例句：

• Total concentration is required with no distractions.要全神贯注，不能有丝毫分神。
• Their national distraction is going to the disco.他们的全民消遣就是去蹦迪。

6 distractions   

n.使人分心的事[人]( distraction的名词复数 )；娱乐，消遣；心烦意乱；精神错乱

参考例句：

• I find it hard to work at home because there are too many distractions. 我发觉在家里工作很难，因为使人分心的事太多。
• There are too many distractions here to work properly. 这里叫人分心的事太多，使人无法好好工作。 来自《简明英汉词典》

7 drawn   

v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的

参考例句：

• All the characters in the story are drawn from life.故事中的所有人物都取材于生活。
• Her gaze was drawn irresistibly to the scene outside.她的目光禁不住被外面的风景所吸引。

8 deviate   

v.(from)背离，偏离

参考例句：

• Don't deviate from major issues.不要偏离主要问题。
• I will never deviate from what I believe to be right.我绝不背离我自信正确的道路。

9 excellence   

n.优秀，杰出，(pl.)优点，美德

参考例句：

• His art has reached a high degree of excellence.他的艺术已达到炉火纯青的地步。
• My performance is far below excellence.我的表演离优秀还差得远呢。

10 sweeping   

adj.范围广大的，一扫无遗的

参考例句：

• The citizens voted for sweeping reforms.公民投票支持全面的改革。
• Can you hear the wind sweeping through the branches?你能听到风掠过树枝的声音吗？

11 conclusively   

adv.令人信服地，确凿地

参考例句：

• All this proves conclusively that she couldn't have known the truth. 这一切无可置疑地证明她不可能知道真相。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• From the facts,he was able to determine conclusively that the death was not a suicide. 根据这些事实他断定这起死亡事件并非自杀。 来自《简明英汉词典》

12 override   

vt.不顾，不理睬，否决；压倒，优先于

参考例句：

• The welfare of a child should always override the wishes of its parents.孩子的幸福安康应该永远比父母的愿望来得更重要。
• I'm applying in advance for the authority to override him.我提前申请当局对他进行否决。

13 habitual   

adj.习惯性的；通常的，惯常的

参考例句：

• He is a habitual criminal.他是一个惯犯。
• They are habitual visitors to our house.他们是我家的常客。

14 deception   

n.欺骗，欺诈；骗局，诡计

参考例句：

• He admitted conspiring to obtain property by deception.他承认曾与人合谋骗取财产。
• He was jailed for two years for fraud and deception.他因为诈骗和欺诈入狱服刑两年。