How to Become a Different Person

How to Become a Different Person

 “Have you seen Joe lately? It’s like he’s a different person.”

What do we mean when we say that? And if you wanted to become a different person – where would you start?

Well, what’s probably happened to Joe is one (or more) of three things.

He’s let go of something that’s been holding him back.

He’s rediscovered, and reclaimed¹, a part of himself that he was denying.

He’s strengthened an existing part of himself that was under-emphasized before.

Let’s look at each of those in turn. How could you or I do that?

Letting go

Joe may have let go of a bad relationship that was dragging him down. He may have let go of part of his self-image that was keeping him from fulfilling his potential. He may have let go of a powerful emotional memory that was distorting his life, or he may have let go of a pattern of behavior that was harmful.

Here’s my three-step approach to letting go.

Connect. One of the ways in which negative thoughts, feelings and behaviors retain power over us is that we keep them from coming fully² into our consciousness, where we can deal with them with all our resources. Sit down and look at the issue head-on – but from the outside, so that the emotions don’t wash you downstream. Observe the sensations in your body and the thoughts in your mind that come along with the issue.

Allow. By this I mean, let the thoughts and feelings be there; don’t try to push them down or away. You’ve been doing that for years. If it was going to work, it would have worked already. Just let them be themselves and acknowledge them.

Release. When you’re ready to do so, just allow the issue to go. I sometimes feel a distinct physical sensation, as if I’ve been holding my breath and I’ve finally let it out, when I do this step. If release doesn’t happen by itself, don’t force it; go back to connecting and allowing.

Connect, Allow, Release gives us the acronym³ CAR. I often use an image of standing⁴ beside a busy road watching the cars (the thoughts and feelings) to demonstrate this process. The cars come and go. You’re not in them, you don’t grab onto them or push them away. You just watch them as they come and go.

Reclaiming⁵

If you’ve spent much time around Jungians you’ll know about the Shadow. The Shadow is a part of ourselves that we deny, because it holds things that we’re afraid of or disgusted by. But it also holds a lot of our personal power. Every aspect of ourselves can be positive or negative, and often the most powerful parts have the greatest potential to both harm and help.

Here’s a three-step approach to regaining⁶ access to those strengths. You need to be ready for this – it’s not something to undertake lightly or in an idle moment, and it may be a process that extends over a long period.

Connect. Yes, just the same as for letting go. You’ve been stuffing power into your Shadow for years because you haven’t paid direct attention to it. Sometimes it takes a powerful dream, or a significant loss or failure in life, to bring us face-to-face with our Shadow so that we can at last connect to it.

Allow. Again, just as for letting go, you look at the Shadow objectively, acknowledge that it’s there, that it’s a part of you, without judging, resisting or rejecting it (or justifying⁷ or excusing it). Just hold it in consideration. This is a skill that takes some time to develop.

Befriend. Rather than letting the Shadow go (because it’s an important part of it), look for ways to bring it into your life in a positive role. For example, you may never have allowed yourself to be angry because in your family, expressing anger was deeply unacceptable (or perhaps because a parent expressed it in a way that you swore you’d never imitate). Your anger is still there, though. How can it be a force of protection, not only for you but also for others who are in need? How can it be a dynamo driving positive change in yourself and your area of influence?

Connect, Allow, Befriend gives us the acronym CAB. This time, instead of just watching the traffic, you’re calling a part of it to you and getting it to take you where you want to go.

Strengthening

I’m training at the moment to increase my physical strength, and it has all kinds of benefits in clarity of mind and confidence. Developing your strengths of mind and personality works the same way.

Here’s a three-step process to develop your strengths. (No clever acronym this time.)

Identify a strength that you want to develop. Write down everything that draws you, everything that you enjoy doing. Pick something that will take you where you want to go.

Exercise. Look for ways to start where you are and exercise that strength as best you currently can. Train that strength.

Build up. One of the things that’s amazed me about strength training is how feasible it is to increase your strength many-fold, just by being persistent⁸ and building up slowly. Always be challenging yourself to further improvement.

You can become a different person in any one of these three ways – by letting go of the past, allowing your hidden and denied parts to become present, or developing your strengths for a better future.

Which one will you choose first?

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1 reclaimed   

adj.再生的；翻造的；收复的；回收的v.开拓( reclaim的过去式和过去分词 )；要求收回；从废料中回收（有用的材料）；挽救

参考例句：

• Many sufferers have been reclaimed from a dependence on alcohol. 许多嗜酒成癖的受害者已经被挽救过来。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• They reclaimed him from his evil ways. 他们把他从邪恶中挽救出来。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》

2 fully   

adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地

参考例句：

• The doctor asked me to breathe in,then to breathe out fully.医生让我先吸气，然后全部呼出。
• They soon became fully integrated into the local community.他们很快就完全融入了当地人的圈子。

3 acronym   

n.首字母简略词，简称

参考例句：

• That's a mouthful of an acronym for a very simple technology.对于一项非常简单的技术来说，这是一个很绕口的缩写词。
• TSDF is an acronym for Treatment, Storage and Disposal Facilities.TSDF是处理，储存和处置设施的一个缩写。

4 standing   

n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的

参考例句：

• After the earthquake only a few houses were left standing.地震过后只有几幢房屋还立着。
• They're standing out against any change in the law.他们坚决反对对法律做任何修改。

5 reclaiming   

v.开拓( reclaim的现在分词 )；要求收回；从废料中回收（有用的材料）；挽救

参考例句：

• People here are reclaiming land from the sea. 这儿的人们正在填海拓地。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• How could such a man need reclaiming? 这么一个了不起的人怎么还需要别人拯救呢？ 来自英汉文学 - 嘉莉妹妹

6 regaining   

复得( regain的现在分词 )； 赢回； 重回； 复至某地

参考例句：

• She was regaining consciousness now, but the fear was coming with her. 现在她正在恢发她的知觉，但是恐怖也就伴随着来了。
• She said briefly, regaining her will with a click. 她干脆地答道，又马上重新振作起精神来。

7 justifying   

证明…有理( justify的现在分词 )； 为…辩护； 对…作出解释； 为…辩解（或辩护）

参考例句：

• He admitted it without justifying it. 他不加辩解地承认这个想法。
• The fellow-travellers'service usually consisted of justifying all the tergiversations of Soviet intenal and foreign policy. 同路人的服务通常包括对苏联国内外政策中一切互相矛盾之处进行辩护。

8 persistent   

adj.坚持不懈的，执意的；持续的

参考例句：

• Albert had a persistent headache that lasted for three days.艾伯特连续头痛了三天。
• She felt embarrassed by his persistent attentions.他不时地向她大献殷勤，使她很难为情。