The 10 Most Depressing "My Life iS Twilight" Entries

The 10 Most Depressing "My Life iS Twilight¹" Entries

(Homemade Bella womb, remember that?  It’s broken because there’s a telepathic vampire² fetus³ inside.)

Some sick bastard⁴ out there started a site called “My Life is Twilight“, where obsessed⁵ “Twihards” could anonymously⁶ post their most retarded⁷ musings, similar to F my life. I didn’t want to look at it but I couldn’t resist, and of course it was like a train wreck⁸ filled with hermaphrodite genitals and chimps⁹ masturbating. Here are 10 of the worst entries.

10. Today I realized that since I started reading the Twilight books, every time my husband and I argue or he says something mean to me, all I can think of is “Edward would never say that/ treat me like that.” MLIT

9. I had a dream I was having sex with Edward, then the alarm clock went off and when I rolled over I seen my boyfriend next to me and I frowned. Then he looked at me and asked “Why are you stairing at me?” I replied “your not edward” then he jumped up and said “Edward? Who’s Edward?” -MLIT

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8. Today I was sunbathingand my bf came out shirtless to join me. I looked over at him and his chest was sparkling. When I asked him what he was doing he just smiled and said “I wanted to sparkle because I know how sexy you you think that Edward guy is”. He used a whole tube of body glitter. MLIT

7. Today I came home from watching ‘NM’, [New Moon] for the 3rd time. My bf waiting 4 me outside my house, asked that we go for a walk. Still in the ‘NM’ trance I said “Oh No buddy¹⁰ ur not breaking up w/ me that easily” The look on his face was confusion, he then smiled and said that he is smarter than Edward XD MLIT

6. Went to the New Moon midnight showing, asked my bf if he would be willing to wear a shirt that said LION to match mine that said LAMB…. He agreed. MLIT

5. Yesterday night I couldnt go to sleep because my crush had denied me so I grabbed my Eclipse book and read where Edward said “You are the only one who has touched my heart, It will always be yours, sleep my only love.” and I pretended I was Bella and cried myself to sleep. Edward is perfect. MLIT

4. In Geography we were learning about native Indians. We learned about reserves and treaties and naturally, the only thing that came to my mind was Jacob and La Push. When my teacher asked the class if we could name any reserves, my friend and I both responded by shouting out ‘LA PUSH BABY. LA PUSH.”

3. Yesterday morning, I told my boyfriend that he should come into my house through my window like Edward to watch me sleep. He did. MLIT!!

2. I love Twilight SOOOO much I can’t wait until I turn 18! Then I can FINALLY get an Edward tattoo¹¹ with the word obsession¹² written under it. My life really will be Twilight!

1.  My friend gave me a perfume for my birthday. and it said “TWILIGHT” on it. I started screaming up and down, thinking she bought me the actual trademark¹³ perfume, but then I noticed the smaller print “By Sarah Jessica Parker.” I stopped screaming and said “Oh.” I really hurt her feelings. MLIT.

Awesome¹⁴.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go scream into my pillow for an hour.

1 twilight   

n.暮光，黄昏；暮年，晚期，衰落时期

参考例句：

• Twilight merged into darkness.夕阳的光辉融于黑暗中。
• Twilight was sweet with the smell of lilac and freshly turned earth.薄暮充满紫丁香和新翻耕的泥土的香味。

2 vampire   

n.吸血鬼

参考例句：

• It wasn't a wife waiting there for him but a blood sucking vampire!家里的不是个老婆，而是个吸人血的妖精！
• Children were afraid to go to sleep at night because of the many legends of vampire.由于听过许多有关吸血鬼的传说，孩子们晚上不敢去睡觉。

3 fetus   

n.胎，胎儿

参考例句：

• In the fetus,blood cells are formed in different sites at different ages.胎儿的血细胞在不同时期生成在不同的部位。
• No one knows why a fetus is not automatically rejected by the mother's immune system. 没有人知道为什么母亲的免疫系统不会自动排斥胎儿。

4 bastard   

n.坏蛋，混蛋；私生子

参考例句：

• He was never concerned about being born a bastard.他从不介意自己是私生子。
• There was supposed to be no way to get at the bastard.据说没有办法买通那个混蛋。

5 obsessed   

adj.心神不宁的,鬼迷心窍的,沉迷的

参考例句：

• He's obsessed by computers. 他迷上了电脑。
• The fear of death obsessed him throughout his old life. 他晚年一直受着死亡恐惧的困扰。

6 anonymously   

ad.用匿名的方式

参考例句：

• The manuscripts were submitted anonymously. 原稿是匿名送交的。
• Methods A self-administered questionnaire was used to survey 536 teachers anonymously. 方法采用自编“中小学教师职业压力问卷”对536名中小学教师进行无记名调查。

7 retarded   

a.智力迟钝的，智力发育迟缓的

参考例句：

• The progression of the disease can be retarded by early surgery. 早期手术可以抑制病情的发展。
• He was so slow that many thought him mentally retarded. 他迟钝得很，许多人以为他智力低下。

8 wreck   

n.失事，遇难；沉船；vt.(船等)失事，遇难

参考例句：

• Weather may have been a factor in the wreck.天气可能是造成这次失事的原因之一。
• No one can wreck the friendship between us.没有人能够破坏我们之间的友谊。

9 chimps   

（非洲）黑猩猩( chimp的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• Chimps are too scarce, and too nearly human, to be routinely slaughtered for spare parts. 黑猩猩又太少，也太接近于人类，不可以作为人器官备用件说杀就杀。 来自英汉非文学 - 生命科学 - 医学的第四次革命
• And as nonprimates, they provoke fewer ethical and safety-related concerns than chimps or baboons. 而且作为非灵长类，就不会产生像用黑猩猩或狒狒那样的伦理和安全方面的顾虑。 来自英汉非文学 - 生命科学 - 医学的第四次革命

10 buddy   

n.（美口）密友，伙伴

参考例句：

• Calm down,buddy.What's the trouble?压压气，老兄。有什么麻烦吗？
• Get out of my way,buddy!别挡道了，你这家伙！

11 tattoo   

n.纹身，(皮肤上的)刺花纹；vt.刺花纹于

参考例句：

• I've decided to get my tattoo removed.我已经决定去掉我身上的纹身。
• He had a tattoo on the back of his hand.他手背上刺有花纹。

12 obsession   

n.困扰，无法摆脱的思想(或情感)

参考例句：

• I was suffering from obsession that my career would be ended.那时的我陷入了我的事业有可能就此终止的困扰当中。
• She would try to forget her obsession with Christopher.她会努力忘记对克里斯托弗的迷恋。

13 trademark   

n.商标；特征；vt.注册的…商标

参考例句：

• The trademark is registered on the book of the Patent Office.该商标已在专利局登记注册。
• The trademark of the pen was changed.这钢笔的商标改了。

14 awesome   

adj.令人惊叹的，难得吓人的，很好的

参考例句：

• The church in Ireland has always exercised an awesome power.爱尔兰的教堂一直掌握着令人敬畏的权力。
• That new white convertible is totally awesome.那辆新的白色折篷汽车简直棒极了.