蠢哭：你是怎么弄坏你的笔记本的？

 　　We recently asked people to tell us the stupidest ways they have broken their computers. Here are their stories.

　　最近我们请人们讲了讲自己那些弄坏电脑的最蠢行为。下面就是他们讲述的故事。

　　1. Try not to cook your laptop.

　　别用你的笔记本烧菜

　　I used my computer as a plate in the microwave when I was drunk.

　　有一次我喝醉了，把笔记本当成了微波炉用的餐盘。

　　2. Don't whip your hair too enthusiastically.

　　甩头发的时候不要太热情洋溢

　　My sophomore¹ year of college, my roommate and I were making fun of Willow² Smith's song “Whip My Hair”. I whipped a little too hard, and my laptop flew off my lap and crashed onto the floor. Not my proudest moment.

　　我大二的时候，有一次我和室友一起听维罗·史密斯的歌《头发甩甩》。我甩头发用力过猛，以致我的笔记本从腿上飞了出去，砸到地上了。

　　3. Keep in mind that sometimes, even ants can't save you.

　　记住，有时候就算蚂蚁也救不了你

　　I dropped a hot bowl of mashed³ potatoes on my laptop keyboard. The keys all press themselves now. I put the laptop outside to try to save it by letting the ants eat the mashed potatoes, but the damage had already been done. The ants did a good job cleaning it out, though.

　　我不小心把一大碗热乎乎的土豆泥倒在键盘上了。键盘上的按键都开始自行其是了。我把笔记本放在室外，希望蚂蚁来吃掉土豆泥，我的笔记本就得救了，然而这也无济于事。不过蚂蚁还是帮我把键盘清理的蛮干净的。

　　4. Never trust a cleanly infant.

　　绝不要信任有洁癖的宝宝

　　I was babysitting my cousin's son who was 3 or 4 at the time and had an obsession⁴ with cleaning EVERYTHING. Laptop was on the coffee table, glass of water on the end table. I left the room for no more than 3 minutes to use the bathroom. When I re-entered the room, it was already too late; he had dumped the whole glass of water on the laptop. I yelled, “Seth, NO!” and the poor kid burst into tears and said, “I just wanted it clean it for you!”

　　那时我在看护我的侄儿子，他3、4岁的样子，特别喜欢把每件东西都弄得干干净净。我的笔记本放在咖啡桌上，桌角有一杯水。我离开房间去卫生间，用了不到三分钟的时间。当我再回到房间里的时候，我发现一切都太迟了：他已经把一整杯水都倒在了我的笔记本上。我尖叫道：“赛斯，住手！”，而那个可怜的孩子则崩出泪水，说道“我只是想为你把它弄干净！”

　　5. Don't be too whimsy⁵.

　　别太神经质

　　I broke my laptop dancing in the rain. I was waiting for a ride home from class at my university and it was raining and so I jumped in the puddles⁶ like the toddler I am and when I got home I realized my backpack was soaked through and my laptop was dead.

　　我在雨中漫舞的时候弄坏了我的笔记本。那时我上完课准备搭车回家，天上下着雨，我像小孩子一样踩着水洼玩。到家时我才意识到我的背包湿透了，我的笔记本也完蛋了。

　　6. And don't forget that your laptop isn't a cutting board.

　　别忘了你的笔记本不是裁纸板！

　　My desk was overflowing⁷ and I was going to cut some cardboard with a hobby knife. I decided⁸ to use my computer as my cutting board. Needless to say, I pushed that knife a bit too deep into the cardboard.

　　我的书桌上堆满了东西，我想用裁纸刀裁几张纸板。所以我决定用我的笔记本充当裁纸板。不用说你也猜得到，我下刀力道大了些在裁纸板上刺得深了一点。

　　7. Be aware of the dangers of Britney Spears.

　　当心小甜甜布兰妮

　　I was watching Crossroads, with Britney Spears, and I put my glass of wine down on it to dance to “I Love Rock 'n' Roll” and got a little too into it. The wine spilled all over the keyboard and that was the end of that.

　　我在看小甜甜的电影处女作《布兰妮要怎样》，我把一杯红酒放在笔记本上，跟着《我爱摇滚》（I Love Rock 'n' Roll）的乐曲跳起舞来，结果我有点太投入了。酒洒在键盘上，就是这样了！

　　8. Try not to cash in all your bad karma at once.

　　试着阻止那些厄运突然全部应验

　　Leaving school, I put my laptop on the top of my car while loading my backpack into the back seat. While I was driving, I noticed something fly off of my car, and I realized that it was my laptop.

　　我正准备离开学校，我把笔记本放在车顶上，然后把背包放进后备箱。当我把车开起来之后，我发现有什么东西从我的车上飞了出去，然后意识到那是我的笔记本！

　　9. And try not to be too sad.

　　试着别让自己太伤心

　　Not me, but a friend got really homesick her first month of college and cried so much on her MacBook track pad that she gave it water damage.

　　我的一个朋友刚进大学一个月那会儿特别想家，她对着自己的苹果笔记本触摸板不停的哭，结果她的笔记本就受潮了。

1 sophomore   

n.大学二年级生；adj.第二年的

参考例句：

• He is in his sophomore year.他在读二年级。
• I'm a college sophomore majoring in English.我是一名英语专业的大二学生。

2 willow   

n.柳树

参考例句：

• The river was sparsely lined with willow trees.河边疏疏落落有几棵柳树。
• The willow's shadow falls on the lake.垂柳的影子倒映在湖面上。

3 mashed   

a.捣烂的

参考例句：

• two scoops of mashed potato 两勺土豆泥
• Just one scoop of mashed potato for me, please. 请给我盛一勺土豆泥。

4 obsession   

n.困扰，无法摆脱的思想(或情感)

参考例句：

• I was suffering from obsession that my career would be ended.那时的我陷入了我的事业有可能就此终止的困扰当中。
• She would try to forget her obsession with Christopher.她会努力忘记对克里斯托弗的迷恋。

5 whimsy   

n.古怪，异想天开

参考例句：

• They are like oracular messages,but witty-jaunty at times-and sometimes trembling on the edge of whimsy.它们都像神谕，但很机智，有时极其轻快，有时又濒于怪诞。
• He had a whimsy about flying to the moon.他有个想飞上月球的怪念头。

6 puddles   

n.水坑， （尤指道路上的）雨水坑( puddle的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• The puddles had coalesced into a small stream. 地面上水洼子里的水汇流成了一条小溪。
• The road was filled with puddles from the rain. 雨后路面到处是一坑坑的积水。 来自《简明英汉词典》

7 overflowing   

n. 溢出物,溢流 adj. 充沛的，充满的 动词overflow的现在分词形式

参考例句：

• The stands were overflowing with farm and sideline products. 集市上农副产品非常丰富。
• The milk is overflowing. 牛奶溢出来了。

8 decided   

adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的

参考例句：

• This gave them a decided advantage over their opponents.这使他们比对手具有明显的优势。
• There is a decided difference between British and Chinese way of greeting.英国人和中国人打招呼的方式有很明显的区别。