服务员真是个神奇的职业，什么猛料都能听到

 　　When I was a server in high school I accidentally walked apron-first into a full-fledged breakup with nothing but a pitcher¹ of water and a friendly, naive² smile. There was crying. There was cursing. Napkins were thrown in faces. I backed away and hid in the bathroom for an hour.

　　我上高中的时候，曾当过服务员，那时候我不小心撞见一场正式的分手戏码，而我只是给他们上了一壶水，并投之以友好又天真的微笑。当时，哭泣、咒骂以及把餐巾纸扔到脸上的戏码一起上演。我慢慢地退了回去，然后在洗手间里躲了1个小时。

　　At the time, I had thought this was the most awkward moment that a server could ever invade. Then, I read this recent Reddit thread. Now I know how much worse it could have been. Why don't people have these conversations at home?

　　当时我觉得这可能是一名服务员经历过的最尴尬的瞬间了。然后，我看到了Reddit（一家新闻网站）最近发表的一个话题。现在我知道（服务员会经历）多么糟糕的情况了。人们为什么不在家里谈论这些话题呢？

　　服务员真是个神奇的职业，什么猛料都能听到

　　Here are some of the high (low?) lights.

　　这里有一些高能（尴尬？）的瞬间。

　　The "Everything is really, really bad"

　　“一切都非常、非常糟糕。”

　　The "Sorry, I'm in love with your sister"

　　“对不起，我爱上了你的姐妹。”

　　The "Just to let you know, I had an affair during the Second World War"

　　“只是想让你知道，在二战期间，我曾有过外遇。”

　　The "Mom and dad... I'm gay"

　　“妈妈，爸爸……我是同性恋。”

　　The "I probably shouldn't have shown you that video..."

　　“我可能不该给你看那个视频……”

　　The "Whoops³, we aren't virgins⁴ anymore and I don't know why we are telling you this"

　　“哎呀！我们不再是处女了，我不知道我们为什么会告诉你这些。”

　　The "Please pay your child support... please?!"

　　“请支付子女抚养费……行吗？！”

　　The "Hey I'm pregnant," and "Is this your wife or one of your many girlfriends?"

　　“嗨，我怀孕了，”以及“这是你的妻子还是你众多女友之一？”

　　The "Sorry I ruined your proposal, buddy⁵"

　　“兄弟，对不起我毁了你的求婚。”

　　The "Hey, I know you from the strip club! Wait, is this your dad?"

　　“嗨，我知道你是脱衣舞俱乐部的！等等，这是你爸爸吗？”

1 pitcher   

n.(有嘴和柄的)大水罐；(棒球)投手

参考例句：

• He poured the milk out of the pitcher.他从大罐中倒出牛奶。
• Any pitcher is liable to crack during a tight game.任何投手在紧张的比赛中都可能会失常。

2 naive   

adj.幼稚的，轻信的；天真的

参考例句：

• It's naive of you to believe he'll do what he says.相信他会言行一致，你未免太单纯了。
• Don't be naive.The matter is not so simple.你别傻乎乎的。事情没有那么简单。

3 whoops   

int.呼喊声

参考例句：

• Whoops! Careful, you almost spilt coffee everywhere. 哎哟！小心点，你差点把咖啡洒得到处都是。
• We were awakened by the whoops of the sick baby. 生病婴儿的喘息声把我们弄醒了。

4 virgins   

处女，童男( virgin的名词复数 )； 童贞玛利亚（耶稣之母）

参考例句：

• They were both virgins when they met and married. 他们从相识到结婚前都未曾经历男女之事。
• Men want virgins as concubines. 人家买姨太太的要整货。 来自汉英文学 - 骆驼祥子

5 buddy   

n.（美口）密友，伙伴

参考例句：

• Calm down,buddy.What's the trouble?压压气，老兄。有什么麻烦吗？
• Get out of my way,buddy!别挡道了，你这家伙！