Man of the moment Alan Ayckboun
V-Vick Parks D-Douglas Beechey N-Nerys T-Trudy S-Sharon
(The scene is set at the Spanish holiday villa of VIC PARKS. He is sitting in the garden with DOUGLAS, waiting for the television interview. There are two other people in the garden-the gardener and VIC’s manager. Presently SHARON returns from the swimming pool, carring an armful of the children’s toys)
V: Hey, Sharon…
S: Yes, Mr. Parks?
V: Where are the children?
S: They’re having their tea in the kitchen, Mr. Parks.
V: Sit down, then.
S: I’ve got to go and-
V: Sit down.
S: Yes, Mr. Parks.
(SHARON sits. she is hot and slightly breathless.)
V: Get your breath back.
S: Thank you.
V: Look at her. Puffing like a whale, aren’t you?
S: Yes, Mr. Parks.
V (To the others): Have you ever seen anyone sweating like that? I bet it’s running off you underneath there, isn’t it, eh? Eh? (SHARON doesn’t reply.) Running down your arms? Trickling down your legs? If there’s one thing I hate, it’s to see a woman sweating like that. It’s bad enough on a man, it’s obscene on a woman, don’t you agree? Why you’re sitting there like a great bowl of pork dripping? Do you know the reason why you’re sitting there like a great bowl of pork dripping? Because you are fat.
D: I don’t think that’s fair, she’s just…
V: Here, let her tell you something, just a second. Sharon…
S: Yes, Mr. Parks.
V: Tell them what you ate on your last birthday, Sharon. Tell them.
S (muttering): Twelve rum babas.
V: Come on, say it louder…
S (loudly): Twelve rum babas, Mr. Parks.
V: Twelve rum babas. Can you imagine that? Still, we’re working on you, aren’t we, Sharon? We’re slowly melting you down, aren’t we?
(SHARON suddenly starts to cry very quietly.)
D: Look, I really don’t think you should go on tormenting this girl simply because-
V: You mind your own business-
D (undaunted): -simply because she’s a shade overweight. It is cruel and it is-
V (suddenly yelling at him): I said mind your own bloody business. (A silence. SHARON gets up and runs into the house. She passes TRUDY who is coming out. TRUDY looks at the men and appears to sum up the scene.)
(To DOUGLAS, softly) I hope I don’t have to remind you again that are a guest in this house. And the way I choose to treat my staff is entirely my concern. Ok?
(Douglas is silent.)
T: They were nearly ready.
V: I’ve been waiting here. Patiently.
T (bright to DOUGLAS): I wondered if you wanted to take up my offer and stroll down to the beach, Douglas? While they’re doing their interview?
D: Oh, lovely, yes. Thank you very much.
V (sourly): Yes, you take him down the beach, good idea.
T (faintly sarcastic): Oh, dear. You haven’t been disagreeing with my husband, have you? I hope not.
D: No I –
T: You mustn’t do that, you know. He only likes people who agree with him all the time. It comes of being surrounded by people who nod at him all day at work. He prefers us all to nod at home, too…
V (innocently): What did I do, eh? What am I meant to have done, now?
(DOUGLAS and TRUDY have just returned from their walk along the beach. They begin to discuss what happened in the bank raid seventeen years ago.)
T: You really don’t bear any resentment for what he did? To you? To your wife? It’s like it never mattered to you at all?
D: Oh, it mattered. Of course it did. Only –well, it wasn’t as straightforward as that. Let me try and explain, then. It’s difficult. (Pause.) Working with me in this bank- I was twenty-five at the time- was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my life, anywhere. Before or since. Her name was Nerys Mills. And I was madly in love with her. Some days I couldn’t look at her at all. My hands would shake and my voice used to crack then I spoke and I’d feel sick in my stomach. Anyway, needless to say-Nerys didn’t take notice of me. No, that’s not exactly true. She was generally of the reserves as far as she was concerned. She was actually unofficially engaged to this other man-(darkly.) I forget his name now.
T: Did he work in the bank as well?
D: No, no. He was a salesman. There’s an amusing story to that, I’ll come back to that. Anyway, I sat there and –longed for her-day after day, month after month-fantasized about her a little-nothing unpleasant, you know…
T: No, no.
D: And some mornings she’d have chat with me between customers. And then the sun would shine all day, you know…
(He smiles.)
T (smiling): Yes…
D: And other mornings, she’d come in like thunder-something obviously had gone wrong the night before with her and that man… And then, of course, you never got a smile…
T (sadly): Ah…
D: And as time went by, I was just resigning myself to life without her-when the bank raid occurred. And that did change everything. There’s no doubt about it. I don’t know why I did what I did. Your husband was right, it was madness. It just seemed the only thing to do at the time, that’s all. There was this stranger threatening the woman that I cared more than own life for… I couldn’t help myself, you see?
T: (engrossed) No, I see. I see.
D: Afterwards, I went to see her a lot in hospital. Partly through guilt. Only partly. But, you see, if I hadn’t run at Vic like that, she might never have-Not that she’s ever blamed me. She’s never once, ever-never. Anyway, I went to see her, as soon as they’d let us in to visit. I imagined there’d be so many people round the bed she’d never see me, anyway. And there were, to start with. I was just there waving my daffodils at her from the back of the crowd. And then slowly they all drifted away. Stopped coming to see her.
T: How rotten. Aren’t people rotten, sometimes?
D: Yes, I thought that at first. Then I realized later, of course. She’d been sending them all away. A beautiful woman like she’d been, she couldn’t bear to be seen like-that. She couldn’t stand it. I mean, she wasn’t vain. Not really. But if you’re used all your life to people taking pleasure in looking at you, then it must be very hurtful when they suddenly start instinctively looking away from you.
T: But you didn’t? Look away from her?
D: Well, I think I probably did, yes. But, you see, if I looked away from her, it didn’t matter quite so much because she’d never valued my opinion of her anyway. So it never worried her. And there I was, with her all to myself. Visiting every day. Cheering her up. And over the weeks we got very friendly.
T: And did she fall in love with you?
D: I don’t know.
T: But did she never say to you…
D: No. And I didn’t ask her. It didn’t matter. She liked me. And more important, she needed me. That’s what mattered. And I loved her. (He smiles) I was going to tell you, you know, when I left the bank, I applied for my present job with this double glazing company. I thought it might-you know- increase my standing with her. Since she seemed to have a liking for double glazing men. Ridiculous. We laughed about that later. Anyway, she came out. And we marred quietly. And we got a joint word, I’m happy to report. (Pause.) So what do I say? I hate you, Vic, because of what you did to the most beautiful woman in the world? Or, thank you very much, Vic, for being instrumental in arranging for me to marry the unattainable girl of my dreams? Difficult to know which to say, isn’t it? (pause.) All right. I know you might well say, what about her? What about poor old Nerys? Well, all I can say is, without prejudice, that man she was engaged to originally was really disgusting. He really was. He treated Nerys like-well, there were times when- not just me, you understand… we all could have done-in that bank. This man-he treated her as only a handsome man can treat a beautiful woman. If you know what I mean.
T: Yes, I do. I think I do.
(They listen to the music for a moment.)
D (cheerfully): Well, that’s-that’s my wife. Sorry if I bored you. (pause.) this is very pleasant music, isn’t it? Country and western? Am I right?
T (weakly): Yes. Vic likes it. We used to … when we were … (Her voice tails away.)
(DOUGLAS waits for her to finish the sentence. She doesn’t. She is evidently in some distress. She looks at DOUGLAS. Suddenly and unexpectedly, she kisses him on the mouth. Then pulls away and avoids his look. He, after taking a second to recover, avoids her in turn. They sit, pretending, it hasn’t happened.)
D (at length): Yes, I’m very partial to country and western music. They always manage to come up with a good tune, don’t they?
T (in a little voice): I’m sorry. (Then, pulling herself together.) There’s nothing we can do for you, then? Vic and I? Nothing?
D: Do?
T: Well, to help in any way … money or …
D: No, no …
T: it’s just so rare to meet someone who doesn’t want something from us these days … I suppose that’s called being successful. Or is it because it’s us who are offering?
D: No, it’s not that. I just don’t think there’s anything. Thank you very much. Well, I think I must to back to my hotel. They’ll be serving dinner soon …
T: You’re welcome to stop and have supper with us if you-
D: No, that’s very kind of you, but you’ll see quite enough of me again tomorrow.
T: Well, wait there a second, I’ll fetch the keys and run you back-
D: No, please.
T: It’s no trouble –
D: I’d rather walk, I really would. Really. I don’t get the chance to walk around islands that much.
T (reluctantly): Well …
D: Thank you for all your hospitality today. You’ve been very kind. You really have.
(He starts to move back towards the gate) Straight down the hill, I take it?
T: Yes. Only when you get to the fork that leads to the sea- the one we took-go right instead of left.
D: Simple enough. Well. See you tomorrow, Trudy.
T: Goodnight, Douglas.
D (turning in the gateway): Er … (smiling.) there’s one thing I wouldn’t have minded, I suppose. Not that you could have given it to me. But since you mentioned wanting thing …
T: what’s that? Anything we –
D: No, I was just thinking. I was a hero, I suppose, for all of a year. People wrote to me. Sent for my photograph. Listened to what I had to say. I think it would have been nice to have been a hero for a bit longer …
T: You still are- to people like Nerys. And I bet there are others who still remember …
D: No, I think I’m best remembered now as the idiot who tackled an armed robber and nearly got someone’s head blown off in the process. I think you ended up with the hero, Trudy, not poor old Nerys. You stick with him. You stick with Vic. If you’re looking for heroes. See you in the morning.
(DOUGLAS goes out through the gate. TRUDY stares after him.)
T (faintly): Yes …
(She gets up to go into the house, then she decides that, if she’s going to cry, she’d better cry out here. She sits down again and starts to weep quietly and privately. In a little shile, there is a faint slapping sound from the swimming pool towards the deep end. She carries a weighted diving belt. She is also crying. In fact, she is in a desperate, heart-broken state.)
TRUDY watches her, astonished. SHARON, unaware she is watched, starts to fasten the diving belt about her waist.
(cautiously) Sharon? What are you doing there?
S (between sobs): Mrs. Parks …
T (moving to her, alarmed): You are going to what?
S: I’m sorry, Mrs. Parks. I love him so much, and he doesn’t care about me at all.
T: Sharon …
S (as in one breath): He just says I’m fat and I’ve got to get thin and I’ve tried to get thin but I can’t get thin whatever I do because when he says he doesn’t love me I just keep eating because I’m so unhappy … and I love him so much, Mrs. Parks, I’m ever so sorry …
T: Yes … I’m sorry, Sharon … I don’t know how it is, believe me I do …
S: No, you don’t-you can’t …
T: Yes, I do. Sharon, I do …
S: Nobody knows –
(The music from the house stops as the record comes to an end.)
T: Sharon, it’s a passing thing, I promise. It’s something we all go through. God help us. It’ll pass …
S: No, it won’t pass. I’ve loved Vic for years …
T: Years? But you’ve only been with us two months …
S: I used to watch him on the telly and I used to write to him and he used to write back to me …
T: Sharon, he gets thousands of letters a week. He doesn’t even read them, let alone write back …
S: He did, he wrote to me and it was in his writing. And then when I got this job working for him I just thought it was going to be so wonderful, but he’s just been horrible to me … I don’t know what I’ve done … what I have done wrong, Mrs. Parks?
(VIC comes out of the house and listens, unnoticed.)
T (fiercely): The only thing you did wrong, Sharon, was to love him in the first place … because he is not a man to love. Sharon, I promise you. I speak as one who has tried for eight years, Sharon to keep loving him … I swear to God I have tried. And if you are honestly clinging on to life in the hope of getting one tiny scrap of care or consideration back from that self-centred, selfish man, then all I can say is, you’d better jump in there now, Sharon, and cut your losses.
(SHARON understandably, is a little shaken by this outburst. She stands indecisively. VIC steps out further. Both women see him for the first time.)
V: Well, well. You know what they say. You never hear good about yourself, do you?
T: Tell her, Vic, for God’s sake.
V: Tell her what?
T: I just caught her trying to drown herself …
V (amused): what?
T: Vic, talk to her …
V: What do you want to drown yourself for, Sharon?
T: What do you think … ?
V: I have no idea. I have no idea why this great big girl should want to drown herself …
(SHARON sobs and finishes fastening her belt.)
T: Vic …
V: Why? Just tell me?
T: Because of you’ve said to her. Done to her.
V: What?
T: Whatever you said-whatever you did. I don’t know. I don’t want to know …
V: I’ve never laid a finger on her, have I? Sharon, tell her, I’ve never laid a finger on you … have I? Eh?
S (unhappily): No, Mr. Parks …
V: There you are. No. she confirms that …
T (shouting): You know bloody well what you’ve done to her, Vic, now do something about it …
V: I am not being shouting at. Let her jump …
(He turns to move into the house. SHARON prepares to jump into the pool.)
T (yelling): Vic …
(SHARON jumps into the pool. Weighted down by her diver’s belt, she sinks rapidly under the dark water and vanishes in a trail of bubbles.)
T (screaming): Sharon!
V (surprised SHARON has done it): bloody hell!
(Vic moves towards the pool.)
T: Dive in and get her out, for God’s sake …
V: I’m not diving in there. Not in these clothes.
T: Vic, the girl is drowning.
V: You dive in.
T: I can’t get her out, she’s far too big to me.
V: We could sprinkle rum babas on the surface. That’ll bring her up …
T: You bastard … (desperately.) Oh, dear god. (Running to the gate and yelling.) Douglas! Douglas! Douglas! He’s gone … If she dies, Vic, if that girl dies …
V: Nobody would miss her except the national union of bakers …
T (running at him in fury): You …God, I hate you! I really so hate you! （She attacks him with both her fists.）
V (amused and fending her off easily): Hey, hey, hery!
T (beating at him): I’d so love to … hurt you … like you … hurt … other people, sometimes …
(She lands a blow that VIC doesn’t care for. He takes her a little more seriously.)
V: Qi! Now, Trudy! That’s enough. You’ve had your fun …
(He starts to pinion her arms to protect himself. TRUDY continues to fight and VIC forced to turn her away from him and grab her neck in the crook of his arm. TRUDY is infuriated by her impotence against his superior strength. Barely have they finished struggling when DOUGLAS runs back into the garden through the gate. He is halfway to the house before he sees VIC and TRUDY.)
D (as he enters): What’s the problem? I – (DOUGLAS stops and stares at them in amazement.)
T (weakly, choking in Vic’s grip): Douglas … please!
V (calmly): Now, it’s all right. Don’t get excited and nobody’ll get hurt, all right?
(DOUGLAS reacts like a charger on hearing the bugle call. He gives a sudden wild yell of fury and rushes at VIC head down.)
D: Aaaaarrrrgggghhhh!
V (startled): Jesus!
(VIC pushes TRUDY to one side in order to defend himself – not for the first time in his life-from DOUGLAS’s sudden wild onslaught. DOUGLAS catches VIC in the chest. VIC grunts with pain. Both men lose their balance. VIC topples into the pool. DOUGLAS is left kneeling on the edge.)
T: Douglas? Are you all right?
D: Yes, I … I’m … I’m sorry, I … where’s Vic?
T: He’s in the …
(As she starts to speak, VIC’s hand grips the edge of the pool. He hauls himself up. He looks very dangerous.)
V (breathless): Right. There is about to be some serious damage done, I can tell you … (pointing at DOUGLAS and TRUDY in turn.) To you. And to you/
(DOUGLAS and TRUDY draw back, nervously. VIC seems about to climb out of the pool. Suddenly the waters part and a large black shape, barely recognizable as SHARON, breaks surface and seizes hold of VIC around the neck from behind.) As soon as I’ve … Uurrgghhh! (He is dragged under the water by SHARON’s sheer weight.)
D (genuinely alarmed): Oh, my goodness, what is it, a whale?
T: No, it’s Sharon …
(There is a great deal of frenzied thrashing about under the water. TRUDY and DOUGLAS watch, unable to do much else. The waters finally still. SHARON comes up for air and props herself against the side of the pool, breathlessly and strangely happy. TRUDY and DOUGLAS approach her cautiously.)
T: Sharon …?
D: Sharon …?
T: Are you all right?
S (gathering enough breath to speak): Yes, thank you, Mrs. Parks …
D (trying to calm her desperate breathing): Easy. Easy now …
T (a sudden thought): Sharon, where’s Mr. Parks?
S (apologetically): I’m standing on him, Mrs. Parks.
(TRUDY and DOUGLAS react with alarm.)
D: Sharon, for goodness sake …
T (with DOUGLAS): For God’s sake, get off him …
(Together, they start to haul SHARON out of the water. They land her on the poolside. VIC floats to the surface. SHARON lies panting while TRUDY and DOUGLAS pull VIC floats to the surface. SHARON lies panting while TRUDY and DOUGLAS pull VIC from the water.)
(To DOUGLAS) Turn him over, we must get the water out of him …
D: Right.
(They turn VIC over. DOUGLAS and TRUDY try to work on VIC rather ineffectually.)
T: I don’t know what you do. I think you have to pump his ribs somehow …
D: I’m afraid I don’t really have much of an idea …
S (heaving herself up): Here, let me …
T: No, Sharon, I’d rather you …
S: it’s all right, Mrs. Parks, I’ve got my life-saver’s medal.
(SHARON takes over from TRUDY and DOUGLAS watch her anxiously.)
T: Anything …?
S: No, I don’t think he’s … responding.
T: Oh, God.
S: Hang on.
(She rolls VIC over and tries the kiss of life a couple of times. There is no response.)
T (anxiously): No?
S: No, I’m sorry, Mrs. Parks, I … (starting to cry as the realization finally hits her.) I’m sorry. I’m ever so sorry … |