[00:00.00]TEXT Freedom in Dying
[00:04.10]The process of dying involves fewer and fewer choices available to us.
[00:10.76]Even in dying,however,
[00:14.52]we still have choices concerning how we handle what is happening to us.
[00:21.50]The following account deals with the dying of Jim Morelock,
[00:27.06]a student and close friend of mine.
[00:31.74]Jim is 25 years old.
[00:35.89]He is full of life witty,bright,honest,and actively questioning.
[00:43.15]He had just graduated from college as a human services major
[00:49.08]and seemed to have a bright future when his illness was discovered.
[00:54.73]About a year and a half ago,Jim developed a lump on his forehead
[01:01.07]and underwent surgery to have it removed.
[01:05.75]At that time,his doctors believed that it was not a cancer.
[01:11.39]Later,more tumors appeared,and more surgery followed.
[01:17.45]Several months ago,Jim found out that the tumors had spread throughout his body
[01:23.91]and that even with treatment,he would have a short life.
[01:29.26]Since that time he has steadily grown weaker and has been able do less and less;
[01:36.34]yet he has shown remarkable courage in the way
[01:41.38]he has faced this loss and his dying.
[01:46.34]Some time ago Jim came to California,
[01:51.80]and took part in the weekend seminar that I had with the reviewers of this book.
[01:58.07]On this chapter,he commented that although we may not
[02:03.40]have a choice concerning the losses we suffer in dying,
[02:08.84]we do retain the ability to choose our attitude toward our death.
[02:15.08]Jim has taught me a lot
[02:18.74]during these past few months about this enduring capacity for choice,
[02:25.21]even in extreme circumstances.
[02:30.07]Jim has made many critical choices since being told of his illness.
[02:36.42]He chose to continue taking a course at the university,
[02:41.70]because he liked the contact with the people there.
[02:46.35]He worked hard at a boat dock to support himself.
[02:51.49]He decided to undergo treatment,
[02:55.57]even though he knew that it most likely would not result in his cure,
[03:02.33]because he hoped that it would reduce his pain.
[03:07.38]It did not,and Jim has suffered much agony during the past few months.
[03:14.85]He decided not to undergo chemical treatment
[03:19.71]because he didn't want to prolong his life if he couldn't really live fully.
[03:26.37]He made a choice to accept God in his life,which gave him a full sense of peace.
[03:33.63]Before he became bedridden,
[03:37.76]he decided to go to Hawaii and enjoy his time in luxury.
[03:43.69]Jim has always disliked hospitals,
[03:48.52]so he chose to remain at home,in more personal surroundings.
[03:54.55]As long as he was able,
[03:58.08]he read widely and continued to write in his diary about his thoughts
[04:04.74]and feelings on living and dying.
[04:08.89]With his friends,he played his guitar and sang songs that he had written.
[04:15.06]He maintained an active interest in life and in the things around him,
[04:21.43]without denying the fact that he was dying.
[04:26.40]More than anyone I have known or heard about,
[04:31.67]Jim has taken care of unfinished business.
[04:36.43]He made it a point to gather his family and tell them his wishes,
[04:42.17]he made contact with all his friends
[04:46.62]and said everything he wanted to say to them.
[04:51.16]He clearly stated his desire for cremation:
[04:56.20]he wants to burn those tumors
[05:00.33]and then have his ashes scattered over the sea
[05:05.40]a wish that reflects his love of freedom and movement.
[05:11.33]Jim has very little freedom and movement now,
[05:16.16]for he can do little except lie in his bed and wait for his death to come.
[05:23.21]To this day he is choosing to die with dignity,
[05:28.49]and although his body is getting weaker and weaker,
[05:33.17]his spirit is still very much alive.
[05:38.02]He retains his mental sharpness,his ability to say a lot in a very few words,
[05:45.89]and his sense of humor.He has allowed himself to grieve over his losses.
[05:52.84]As he puts it,
[05:55.89]"I'd sure like to hang around to enjoy all those people that love me!"
[06:01.77]Realizing that this isn't possible,
[06:05.71]Jim is saying good-bye to all those who are close to him.
[06:10.99]Throughout this suffering,Jim's mother has been truly great.
[06:17.16]When she told me how remarkable Jim has been in complaining so rarely
[06:23.71]despite his constant pain,
[06:27.87]I reminded her
[06:31.03]that I'd never heard her complain during her months of caring for him.
[06:36.90]I have been continually amazed by her strength and courage,
[06:43.75]and I have admired her willingness to honor Jim's wishes and accept his beliefs,
[06:51.22]even though at times they have differed from her own.
[06:55.95]She has shown how much she loves him
[07:00.68]without depriving him of his free spirit and independence.
[07:06.34]Her acceptance of Jim's dying and her willingness to hide nothing from him
[07:12.80]have given him the opportunity to express openly whatever he feels.
[07:19.56]Jim has been able to grieve and mourn because she has not objected to this.
[07:26.69]This experience has taught me much about dying and about living.
[07:32.94]Through Jim,
[07:36.10]I have learned that I don't have to do very much for a person who is dying
[07:42.34]except to be with him or her by being myself.
[07:49.21]So often I have felt a sense of helplessness,
[07:54.57]of not knowing what to say or how much to say,
[07:59.71]of not knowing what to ask or not to ask,of feeling unable to speak.
[08:06.97]Jim's oncoming death seems such a loss,
[08:12.54]and it's very difficult for me to accept it.
[08:17.11]Gradually,however,
[08:20.35]I have learned not to be so concerned about what to say or not to say.
[08:26.83]In fact,in my last visit I said very little,
[08:31.97]but I feel that we made significant contact with each other.
[08:37.75]I've also learned to share with him the sadness I feel,
[08:42.89]but there is simply no easy way to say good-bye to a friend.
[08:48.82]Jim is showing me that his style of dying
[08:54.00]will be different from his style of living.
[08:58.96]By his example and by his words,
[09:03.82]Jim has taught me how to evaluate my own life. |