七种最土的求婚方式（打印版）

Being engaged is all about going to cake tastings, being forced to have an opinion on centerpieces, and answering “how did you propose” about one billion times. Women expect to hear something romantic, like you swooped down on a flying unicorn and popped the question as you flew past the sunset. No one wants to hear that you asked her during halftime to order some more wings and/or marry you. Avoid looking like a completely douchebag by not proposing in any of the following ways.

订婚了就要到处张罗：品尝蛋糕，发表订婚感言，还得不厌其烦地无数次回答：“你是怎么求婚的？” 这个问题。女人喜欢听到很浪漫的求婚戏码，比方说你在夕阳的背景下骑着飞行的独角兽，突然冲到她面前向她求婚。没人会喜欢你在去订鸡翅的半路上问她要不要嫁给你。不想做个讨厌鬼，就别像下面这几种方式求婚：

Since it’s not the 1950′s anymore and out-of-wedlock mothers aren’t required to wear the scarlet letter, there’s no reason to pop the question just because she’s pregnant. Getting married won’t change the fact that a baby is coming and all your beer money is now going to be going into the diaper fund. Do the gentleman-like thing, ask for the kid to be named after you, write her a check for 18 years of child support, and get a vasectomy.

现在已经不是20世纪50年代了，未婚先孕的妈妈也不会被钉上耻辱柱受世俗的指责，所以不用在她怀孕的时候突然求婚。结婚不会改变孩子马上要出生而你的零花钱得全部用作奶粉钱的事实。有点绅士风度，真诚地请求让这个孩子跟你姓，给她写张支票支付孩子未来18年的抚养费，然后去做结扎绝育手术。

Despite what Hollywood may tell you, brides do not want you barging into their wedding, stopping the vows, and proclaiming your love for them. And I’ll tell you what, there are extremely high odds that she will say no. So have some class and save the big, romantic movie gestures for moments when they’re needed — such as when you ask your girlfriend to choose you over her wildly successful job.

别管好莱坞电影是怎么演的，任何新娘都不会想让你闯入她的婚礼现场，阻止宣誓仪式，向她和她的新郎宣告你对她的爱。跟你说实话吧，她十有八九会拒绝你。所以拜托你长点脑子，那些宏大浪漫的电影桥段留到需要的时候吧：比方说你要求女朋友在你和她的成功事业间做选择的时候。

It sounds romantically-cliche to propose via an engagement ring hidden at the bottom of chocolate mousse. In reality, it’s a subconscious death wish for your significant other. After all, if you were caught placing choke-able objects in someone’s food in any other situation, you would be arrested for attempted murder.

把订婚戒指藏在巧克力蛋糕里求婚，听起来似乎是很浪漫，但其实已经老掉牙了。实际上，这种求婚方式可能给你的另一半带来潜在的死亡危险。毕竟在任何情形下你把可能会噎死人的东西放在别人的食物里，你都可能因为意图谋杀罪被捕。

Going to a funeral naturally makes you freak out about your future. You’re wondering if you’ve done anything worthwhile with your life besides that 9 minute keg stand junior year of college. But your mid-life crisis is no reason to reach out to last week’s one-night stand and ask them to marry you. Instead of putting yourself on the fast track for a divorce, ask out the hottest girl at the funeral, and pray like hell you’re not related.

参加葬礼一般都会让你对未来感到崩溃。你会反思人生，觉得自己除了在大三的时候玩游戏外，人生再也没啥有价值的事情了。不过中年危机并不能成为你的借口，让你向上周跟你一夜情的姑娘伸出魔掌让她们嫁给你。别自己搭上闪电离婚的快车，不如邀请葬礼上身材最火辣的姑娘跟你约会吧，而且最好祈祷你们没啥关系。

Deciding to get married is kind of a big deal. It’s up there with deciding what you should do for a living and what secret file name you should hide your porn under. So why put your girlfriend on the spot by popping the question in front of family and friends? Odds are she won’t want to say “let’s talk about this later” in front of everyone. Instead you’ll get an awkward silence while she contemplates the question followed by a half-assed yes.

决定要结婚是件大事，和考虑要靠什么谋生还有该把成人电影藏在哪个秘密文件下一样重要。所以在大庭广众亲朋好友面前突然当场求婚？有可能她不会当着大家的面说“我们晚点再说吧”，但是她在思考这个问题的时候，你得经历一段尴尬的沉默，而她的回答也多半会是不情不愿的“好吧”。

Just because everyone communicates in 140 characters or less these days doesn’t mean that you should propose via Facebook status. Nothing says I’m too lazy to get offline like an e-mail with the subject line “will you marry me.” And please don’t think adding in a clever kissy smiley face will help matters at all.

虽然现在每个人都在用140字限制的社交网络来相互联系，但这并不意味着你就应该通过facebook求婚。懒到发一份主题为“你愿意嫁给我吗”的求婚邮件就匆匆下线，你别以为加个可爱的亲吻笑脸就能一切搞定了。

Isn’t there enough going on with women carrying around carnations and adult men dressed as giant baby cupids? There’s no need to add to the corniness of the holiday by throwing in a wedding proposal. The only exception to this cliche proposal is if you forget to get a gift and need to think of something in a hurry.

拜托，情人节的大街上抱着康乃馨的女人和穿成巨婴丘比特的成年男人还少吗？没必要再老土到在这天提出求婚。不过这种老土的求婚戏码也可以有例外：要是你忘了买情人节礼物得马上想出点什么惊喜的话。

七种最土的求婚方式（在线收听）