It's not that big a deal.

　　你只要周四去法院

　　You just go down to the court on Thursday

　　交罚金就行

　　and you pay the fine.

　　我才不去交罚金

　　I'm not going to pay a fine.

　　那就说明我有罪

　　That would imply I'm guilty.

　　你确实有罪

　　You are guilty.

　　[《法律与秩序》的主题曲]

　　这个我喜欢

　　That one I liked.

　　我是无罪的

　　I am not guilty.

　　我只有实习驾照

　　I only have a learner's permit.

　　佩妮教我的

　　Penny was the teacher.

　　转黄灯时  她就说"快快快"

　　When the light turned yellow she said "Go,go,go."

　　于是我就"开开开"

　　So I went,went,went.

　　谢尔顿  对不起

　　Sheldon,I'm sorry.

　　我会还你罚金的钱

　　I'll be happy to reimburse you for the fine.

　　只要我能参演一部电影

　　You know,as soon as I get a part in a movie

　　或者自己拍个电视剧

　　or my own TV series.

　　不用你还  因为我不会交的

　　You don't need to reimburse me because I'm not paying.

　　周四那天  我会去法院

　　On Thursday,I will have my day in court

　　正义会得到伸张

　　and justice will be done.

　　我现在就着手准备辩护

　　In fact,I'm going to begin preparing my defense right now.

　　他坐定牢了

　　Okay,he's going to jail.

　　对哦

　　Oh,that's right.

　　周四是斯坦?李签名日

　　Thursday is Stan Lee Day.

　　看到你做的好事了吧

　　Now you see what you've done?

　　就因为你  我们都见不到斯坦?李了

　　Because of you,we're all going to miss Stan Lee.

　　你说"都"是什么意思

　　What do you mean "all?"

　　你们是我朋友啊

　　Well,you're my friends.

　　你们要站在我旁边  支持我

　　You'll be standing by my side,supporting me,

　　为我提供案例

　　feeding me legal precedents,

　　你们上身要是够壮

　　and if you had the upper body strength,

　　我胜诉时  可以把我搁肩膀上扛出去

　　carrying me out on your shoulders when I'm victorious.

　　这个嘛  不行

　　Yeah,okay. No.

　　你是说我为自己辩护时

　　Are you saying that you will not stand beside me

　　你不会来站在我身边吗

　　as I plead my case?

　　是这个意思

　　That's what I'm saying.

　　霍华德

　　Howard?

　　斯坦?李  法庭上的你

　　Uh,Stan Lee,or you in court.

　　要是《苏菲的选择》有这么简单

　　Uh,if this was Sophie's Choice

　　电影就不会那么长了  不行

　　it would've been a much shorter movie. No.

　　拉杰

　　Raj?

　　你会来吧

　　You'll be there,won't you?

　　那好吧

　　All right,then.

　　我所谓的朋友都抛弃了我

　　My so-called friends have forsaken me.

　　看来只剩我和目击证人了

　　So,I guess it'll just be me and my eyewitness.

　　晕死

　　Oh,balls.

　　请着装得体一点

　　Please try to wear something appropriate.

　　要是法官只顾着想

　　It won't help my case

　　你屁股上'美味多汁'的意思

　　if the judge is busy trying to read the word "Juicy"

　　对我的案子没好处

　　scrawled across your buttocks.

　　佩妮

　　Penny.

　　佩妮

　　Penny.

　　佩妮

　　Penny.

　　节奏不对

　　That's just wrong.

　　好了  走吧

　　All right,let's go.

　　等一下

　　Wait,hold on.

　　去法院之前

　　Before we get to the courthouse,

　　我想看一下你的演技

　　I'd like to call on your skills as an actress.

　　这是什么

　　What is this?

　　我冒昧地

　　I've taken the liberty

　　为你起草了出庭作证的剧本

　　of scripting your appearance on the witness stand

　　面对现实  你有点我行我素

　　because,let's face it,you're somewhat of a loose cannon.

　　别担心  都是用你的方言写的

　　{\c it's written in your vernacular.

　　我们排练一下如何

　　So shall we rehearse?

　　我有得选吗

　　Do I have a choice?

　　你当然有选择权

　　Well,of course you have a choice.

　　虽然我们生活在宿命里

　　Although we live in a deterministic universe,

　　但每个人都有自由选择的权力

　　each individual has free will.

　　给我坐下

　　Now,sit down.

　　请你回忆下

　　I call your attention

　　11月16日发生的事

　　to the events of November 16.

　　你记得那天吗

　　Do you remember that date?

　　废话  我记得

　　"Darn tootin',I do.

　　请法官原谅我家乡内布拉斯加

　　"If the court will excuse my homespun,

　　粗俗简朴的语言

　　corn-fed Nebraskan turn of phrase."

　　很好  继续

　　Excellent. Go on.

　　我记得那天

　　"The reason that date is,like,

　　而且铭记在我的脑子里

　　"so totally fixed in my memory

　　是因为我有幸目睹了

　　"is that I had the privilege to be witness

　　毕生从未见过的英勇行为

　　to one of the most heroic acts I've ever seen in,like,ever."

　　谁的英勇行为

　　"And who performed that heroic act?"

　　您的啊  阁下

　　"Why,you did,sir.

　　您  谢尔顿?库珀博士

　　"You. Dr. Sheldon Cooper.

　　而且我想说  我很荣幸认识您

　　And may I add,it is a privilege to know you."

　　不必称赞我

　　"There's no need for compliments.

　　法庭只看重事实

　　This court is only interested in the facts."

　　但感觉很荣幸能认识您啊也是个事实啊

　　"But it is a fact that it's a privilege to know you.

　　真的

　　Totally."

　　一滴泪从我面颊流下

　　A teardrop rolls down my cheek?!

　　纯属建议

　　Only a suggestion.

　　喉咙哽咽一下也可以

　　A catch in your throat would work just as well.

　　但我感觉

　　"But it is a fact

　　很荣幸能认识您啊也是个事实啊

　　"that it's a privilege to know you.

　　真的

　　Totally."

　　你还是穿"美味多汁"的裤子吧

　　Maybe you should put on your "Juicy" pants again.

　　去交罚金

　　Pay the cashier.

　　谢尔顿?库珀

　　Sheldon Cooper.

　　早上好  法官大人

　　Good morning,Your Honor.

　　我是谢尔顿?库珀博士

　　Dr. Sheldon Cooper

　　自我辩护

　　appearing in pro se.

　　也就是说  代表我自己

　　That is to say,representing himself.

　　我知道什么意思

　　I know what it means.

　　我读过法律学校

　　I went to law school.

　　结果却在审理交通法庭

　　And yet you wound up in traffic court.

　　不管怎样

　　Anyway,

　　法官允许的话

　　if it would please the court,

　　我想做个开庭陈述

　　I'd like to begin with an opening statement.

　　法官会建议你简短点

　　The court would advise you to make it quick,

　　因为法官早上吃了可能馊了的玉米煎饼

　　as the court had a dicey-looking breakfast burrito this morning

　　而且刚吃了易蒙停(止泻药)

　　and just took an Imodium.

　　快速的开场陈述

　　A quick opening statement.

　　如同一个挤奶凳

　　Like a milking stool,

　　本案有三个

　　my case rests on

　　立足点

　　three legs.

　　我要论证的是

　　I will demonstrate

　　我在驾驶过程中  受到一个女人的误导

　　that I was improperly instructed in driving

　　这个女人缺乏社会上

　　by a woman whose lack of respect for society

　　对反社会界定的基本认识

　　borders on the sociopathic.

　　我要争辩的是

　　I will argue

　　紧急情况下的法律原理

　　that the emergency met the legal doctrine

　　是需要即合法[拉丁文]

　　of quod est necessarium est licitum--

　　也就是需要即合法

　　that which is necessary is legal.

　　但首先

　　But first,

　　我要提出第六条修正案[美国权利法案]

　　I will raise a Sixth Amendment issue.

　　我无法与控方对峙

　　I'm unable to confront my accuser,

　　因为控方是一台非人类机器

　　a non-human entity,to wit,

　　也就是摄像机

　　a camera.

　　所以  综上所述

　　So,to sum up:

　　错误指导

　　{\c

　　加上"需要即合法"的原理

　　{\c

　　还有第六条修正案

　　Sixth Amendment.

　　我的挤奶凳辨述完毕

　　My milk stool is complete.

　　佩服佩服

　　Impressive.

　　谢谢

　　Thank you.

　　罪名成立

　　Guilty.

　　去付钱吧

　　Pay the cashier.

　　我反对

　　I object.

　　你这是在无视法律

　　You're completely ignoring the law.

　　不  我遵守法律

　　No,I'm following the law.

　　只是在无视你

　　I'm ignoring you.

　　是吗

　　Really?

　　提醒你一下  我可是业内顶尖人士

　　I would point out that I am at the top of my profession,

　　你却坐在桌子后面过家家

　　while you preside over the kiddy table of yours.

　　库珀博士  我给你个机会为你最后的言论道歉

　　Dr. Cooper,before I find you in contempt

　　不然我要视你为蔑视法庭

　　and throw you in jail,I'm going to give you a chance

　　把你扔进监狱

　　to apologize for that last remark.

　　我可是个科学家

　　I am a scientist.

　　我才不会为陈述事实而道歉

　　I never apologize for the truth.

　　那是我的位置

　　That's my spot.

　　我等不及要问斯坦?李

　　I can't wait to ask Stan Lee

　　为什么他笔下每个角色的姓和名

　　why he insists on giving all his characters first and last names

　　开头字母都是一样的

　　that start with the same letter.

　　[以下均为惊奇漫画人物]

　　得了  你这是何必

　　Oh,come on. Why would you do that?

　　分别出自《绿巨人》和《神奇四侠》

　　布鲁斯?班纳  里德?理查

　　Bruce Banner,Reed Richards,

　　分别出自《神奇四侠》和《怪谈故事》

　　后者为惊奇的系列漫画

　　苏珊?斯汤  斯蒂芬?史催博士

　　Sue Storm,Stephen Strange,

　　分别出自《蜘蛛侠》和《神奇四侠》

　　奥拓?八爪博士和银影侠

　　Otto Octavius,Silver Surfer,

　　出自《蜘蛛侠》

　　彼得?帕克  还有最夸张的

　　Peter Parker,oh,and worst of all,

　　出自《神奇的蜘蛛侠》

　　小约翰?约拿?詹姆森

　　J. Jonah Jameson,Jr.

　　好吧  我要插在你前面

　　Okay,I'm cutting.

　　免得斯坦?李被你惹毛了我遭殃

　　I'm not gonna talk to Stan Lee after you cheese him off.