Wait,my laptop.

　　这也太白痴了  一点也没意义了

　　You know,there's a point no when this becomes idiotic.

　　刚我们这样开车的时候你咋不说

　　And it wasn't when we were driving like this?

　　我好心建议你们三个放弃吧

　　I would advise the three of you

　　再怎么死撑也是徒劳

　　that resistance is futile.

　　我的耐性可是出了名的好

　　I have endless patience.

　　我曾和惠普的客服人员

　　I once spent two-and-a-half hours on hold

　　耗了整整两个半小时

　　with Hewlett-Packard customer service

　　就为投诉他们客服态度差劲

　　just to complain about their customer service.

　　你少和我吹嘘耐性

　　You want to talk about endless patience?

　　佩妮逼我看完了整整

　　Penny made me watch all five seasons

　　五季的《欲望都市》

　　of Sex and the City.

　　老兄  那玩意有六季

　　There are six seasons,dude.

　　噢  杯具

　　Oh,crap!

　　别这么说嘛  第六季很赞啊

　　No,no,no,the sixth season is great.

　　凯莉刚分手  伤心地去了巴黎

　　We go to Paris with Carrie and get our heart broken,

　　而大人物又突然出现

　　and then Mr. Big shows up,

　　我们都很好奇  她是否还能再相信他

　　we don't know if we can trust him again.

　　真是跨越地球的爱恋啊

　　It's a wild ride.

　　我要开门

　　Door.

　　同志们  屈膝[法语 芭蕾舞动作]

　　Okay,everybody,and plie?

　　再踮立[法语 芭蕾舞动作]

　　And releve?

　　你们干什么呢

　　Whatcha doin'?

　　谁坚持到最后  魔戒归谁

　　Last one holding the ring decides its fate.

　　我知道这很蠢

　　I know,it sounds silly.

　　才不会呢  你是我男友啊

　　No,no,no,no,no,you are my boyfriend.

　　情人眼里出西施嘛

　　Nothing you do is silly to me.

　　多谢

　　Thank you.

　　顺便说下  这可是维多利亚的秘密内衣

　　FYI-- this is a bag from Victoria's Secret.

　　老子不干了

　　I'm out.

　　抱歉  老妈

　　I'm sorry,Ma,

　　没办法  我要在办公室加班

　　I have to stay late at the office.

　　才没有  他在骗你

　　No,he's doesn't! He's lying to you!

　　你就不能消停点吗

　　Will you be quiet?

　　要隐私的话  放开手就行了啊

　　Well,if you want privacy let go of the ring.

　　真开心

　　I'm so glad

　　终于能来这家异教徒的脱衣舞俱乐部

　　we came to this gentile strip club!

　　霍华德

　　Howard,

　　再给你个培根  塞她们丁字裤里去

　　here's more bacon to tuck into the shiksa's G-string!

　　我再打给你

　　I'll call you back.

　　你实在太贴心了  还特地打电话

　　I think it's lovely you call your mommy

　　告诉你妈  你赶不回去吃晚饭

　　and let her know you're going to be late for dinner.

　　据我所知

　　From what I know about these things,

　　没能按时喂奶的女人

　　if a woman doesn't breast-feed on time,

　　咪咪会很不舒服的

　　it's very uncomfortable for her boobies.

　　别跟我谈我妈的咪咪

　　Don't you talk about my mother's boobies!

　　听着不爽的话  放手啊

　　If you're offended,let go of the ring

　　赶紧回家找你妈吃奶去

　　and go on home to your mother's boobies.

　　太好了  太好了

　　Excellent,excellent.

　　你们俩耗吧  我就能笑到最后

　　Tire each other out,the ring will be mine.

　　霍华德  何不谈谈拉杰他妈

　　Howard,why don't you go after Raj's mother?

　　不然咱谈谈你妈

　　Why don't we go after your mother?

　　尽管谈

　　Go ahead.

　　我又没有恋母情结

　　I have no illusions about my mother.

　　她就一个和蔼可亲

　　She is a kind,loving,

　　笃信上帝  极端右翼的德州人

　　religiously fanatical right-wing Texan

　　头长得有点不合比例

　　with a slightly out-of-scale head

　　还对佩珀汽水有点上瘾

　　and a mild Dr. Pepper addiction.

　　还有什么要补充的吗

　　Anything you'd like to add?

　　这样说根本没用

　　That's not gonna get you anywhere.

　　得给他来点狠的

　　Better pull out the big gun.

　　说得对

　　You're right.

　　咱来谈谈你祖母

　　Let's talk about your grandmother.

　　不要

　　No!

　　不许说我奶奶

　　I call no Meemaws.

　　想想看

　　Think about this.

　　你奶奶肯定得跟人上床  才会有你妈

　　The only way your mother was born was your Meemaw had sex.

　　我不想听这些

　　I don't want to hear this.

　　那就放手  走一边去

　　Then let go of the ring and walk away.

　　想都别想

　　Never.

　　好吧

　　All right.

　　我敢说  你奶奶

　　I'll bet your Meemaw

　　不仅仅是为了传宗接代才跟人上床的

　　didn't just have sex to have your mother.

　　我敢说  她肯定也享受性爱

　　I bet she had sex because she liked it.

　　别说了

　　Stop it!

　　对  奶奶也并不圣洁

　　Yeah,Meemaw did the nasty.

　　我叫你们闭嘴

　　I said stop it!

　　说到他痛处了

　　We're getting to him.

　　瀑布

　　Waterfalls!

　　什么

　　What?

　　瀑布

　　Waterfalls.

　　惊涛拍岸

　　Crashing waves.

　　潺潺溪流

　　Babbling brooks.

　　你这是干嘛

　　What are you doing?

　　潜意识信息

　　Subliminal messaging.

　　通过这让你们产生尿意

　　I'm going to make you want to pee.

　　滴水的水龙头

　　Dripping faucets.

　　漏水的水槽

　　Leaky gutter.

　　尿尿

　　Peeing.

　　这招根本不管用  伙计

　　It's,it's not working,dude.

　　已经管用了

　　Oh-ho-ho,it's working all right.

　　我想上厕所

　　I have to pee.

　　那就放开魔戒去啊

　　Then let go of the ring and go.

　　其实  我也想上了

　　No,actually,I wouldn't mind going,too.

　　好吧

　　Fine.

　　数到三

　　Um,on the count of three.

　　一  二

　　One,two...

　　等等  先说清楚

　　Wait,just to clarify.

　　数到三  是都站起来还是直接尿尿

　　When you get to three,do we stand up or do we pee?

　　都站起来

　　We stand up.

　　明智之选

　　Excellent choice.

　　三

　　Three.

　　我有预感

　　Something tells me

　　今天真不该穿绒面革皮鞋的

　　this was a bad day to wear suede shoes.

　　我做到了

　　I've done it!

　　我赢了

　　I've won!

　　魔戒是我的了

　　The ring is mine!

　　是我的了

　　It's mine!

　　得彻底清洗下  让它更漂亮

　　We're going to clean it up and make it pretty.

　　是我的

　　My own.

　　我亲爱的

　　My love.

　　我的宝贝

　　My precious.

　　谢尔顿华丽变身《魔戒》中的咕噜[Gollum]

　　魔戒呢

　　Where's the ring?

　　在联邦快递的盒子里  回它原来的地方去了

　　It's in a FedEx box on its way back to where it came from.

　　末日山的火焰之中

　　The fires of Mount Doom?

　　索伦在末日山的火焰中铸造了至尊魔戒

　　彼得?杰克逊  《魔戒》导演

　　彼得?杰克逊在新西兰的办公室

　　Peter Jackson's office in New Zealand.

　　本就不是我们的

　　It wasn't ours.

　　你早就退出了比赛

　　You quit the game!

　　根本没资格拿走魔戒

　　You had no right to take it.

　　我走进来的时候  你们都睡着了

　　I came in here,you guys were all sleeping.

　　魔戒掉在地板上  没人拿着

　　The ring was on the floor. No one was touching it.

　　那就该重新开始  直到产生最后的赢家

　　Well,so then we start the game over until there's a winner.

　　根本不会有什么赢家

　　There wasn't ever going to be a winner.

　　只会有一个手握魔戒的自私鬼

　　There was going to be a selfish,petty person with a ring

　　和三个反目的好友

　　and three people who used to be his friend.

　　你们真想这样吗

　　Is that really what you guys want?

　　真想的话  随便吧

　　'Cause if it is,fine.

　　我跟你们也没什么好说的了

　　I don't want anything to do with you.

　　还有  厕所里怎么回事我不知道

　　And I don't know what happened in that bathroom,

　　但我才不会去清理

　　but I am not cleaning it up!

　　我的宝贝

　　My precious.

　　我就知道

　　I knew it.

　　把宝贝还我们

　　Give us the precious!

　　-快给我  快给我  -放开我

　　- Give me! Give me! - Get off of me!

　　-把魔戒给我  -魔戒是我的

　　- Give me the ring! - It's mine!

　　真该跟健身房那笨蛋约会看看的

　　Ugh,gotta go back to dating dumb guys from the gym.

　　把魔戒给我

　　Just give me the ring!

　　把魔戒给我

　　Give it to me!

　　把魔戒给我

　　Give me the ring!

　　我让你给我

　　I said give it to me!

　　魔戒是我的

　　It's mine!