It's ridiculous.

　　亏你还是漂亮女王团的前成员(该团成员的着装偏好白色)

　　Says the former member of the Corn Queen's Court.

　　求你试试这件吧

　　Please just try this one on.

　　好吧

　　Okay.

　　反正我现在穿啥

　　But anything I put on now

　　你都会指责一大通

　　is only going to suffer in comparison.

　　这也太荒唐了

　　This is absurd.

　　简直就是个小丑

　　I look like a clown.

　　那么 Sheldon...

　　So,Sheldon...

　　近来可好?

　　how you doing?

　　你的心理治疗谈话 就这样开篇?

　　That's how you start a psychotherapy session?

　　"近来可好?"

　　"How am I doing?"

　　你可是承诺说 要在我的潜意识里

　　I was promised a riverboat journey

　　带我进入丛林中 开始一段河船冒险之旅

　　into the jungles of my subconscious.

　　结果你跟我说的话 与在Ralph意式餐厅

　　Instead,I get the same question I hear

　　为我切大红肠的女服务生的话是一样的

　　from the lady who slices my bologna at Ralph's.

　　抱歉 我重来

　　I'm sorry,I'll start again.

　　先诉说我做的梦的话 对你是不是有帮助?

　　Would it be helpful to you if I told you about my dreams?

　　不清楚 也许会吧

　　Um,I don't know,maybe.

　　我最近做了一个梦 我是个巨人

　　I recently had a dream that I was a giant.

　　但周围的事物 也变的无比巨大

　　But everything around me was to scale,

　　看上去没什么异常

　　so it all looked normal.

　　如果周围事物都变大的话

　　How did you know you were a giant

　　你是怎么发现自己成了巨人的?

　　if everything was to scale?

　　我穿的裤子是一百万码的

　　I was wearing size a million pants.

　　我们还是正常聊天吧?

　　Why don't we just talk?

　　好的

　　Ah.

　　纯粹的聊天

　　The talking cure.

　　经典弗洛伊德派 真好

　　Classical Freudian. Good choice.

　　如果这样有助于快点解决问题的话

　　If it will help speed things along,

　　我的标准罗夏墨迹测验(弗洛伊德的经典投射法人格测验)答案是

　　uh,my answers to the standard Rorschach inkblot test are

　　A 一只蝙蝠 B 一只蝙蝠

　　A) a bat,B) a bat,

　　C 一只蝙蝠

　　C) a bat,

　　D 我爸用皮下注射针头杀害了我妈

　　and D) my father killing my mother with a hypodermic needle.

　　还是我来说吧?

　　Why don't I just start?

　　有时候

　　Sometimes

　　人们拒绝赞扬

　　people have trouble accepting accolades

　　是因为潜意识里 觉得自己配不上

　　if,on a subconscious level,they don't feel they deserve them.

　　你有没有觉得 现在我们就是这种情况?

　　Do you think maybe that's what's happening here?

　　你说呢 Leonard?

　　Really,Leonard?

　　你是又想用阿德勒的"自卑情节"学说

　　You're just going to try to recycle Adler's doctrine

　　来忽悠我了?

　　of the inferiority complex?

　　那我还不如去找Ralph意式餐厅那位服务生呢

　　I could probably get that from the woman at Ralph's.

　　她还会让我免费试吃几块奶酪呢

　　And she'd let me taste some pieces of cheese for free.

　　但那或许就是你的结症所在

　　But it could be part of your problem.

　　我给你举个例子吧

　　Let me give you an example.

　　当我八岁的时候

　　When I was eight,

　　我做了一个叫"听古典音乐能加速菜豆的生长"的实验

　　I won a ribbon at the science fair

　　在科学展览得了奖章

　　for my project,"Do Lima Beans Grow Better to Classical Music."

　　可我妈说 那不过是

　　But my mother pointed out

　　我哥作品的老调重弹

　　that it was just a rehash of my brother's earlier

　　他的实验是 "听摇滚音乐能减缓菜豆的生长"

　　"Do Lima Beans Grow Worse to Rock & Roll."

　　我觉得很内疚 便把奖章还了回去

　　I felt so guilty,I gave the ribbon back.

　　哦 你是什么感觉呢?

　　And how did that make you feel?

　　糟透了

　　Terrible.

　　我做那个实验 花了好大力气

　　I worked really hard on that project.

　　为了等菜豆发芽

　　I stayed up all night singing the clown's aria from Pagliacci

　　我唱了一夜歌剧"丑角"中的"小丑咏叹调"

　　to a lima bean sprout.

　　继续诉说

　　Go on.

　　又不是我的错

　　It wasn't my fault.

　　我从没看过我哥的项目

　　I had never seen my brother's project.

　　我妈本可以提前告诉我

　　And my mother could have told me before

　　而不是在颁奖仪式上 当着所有人的面前

　　instead of at the ceremony in front of everyone.

　　哦 我能听出来

　　So,I hear you saying

　　你很生你妈的气

　　you're angry with your mother.

　　太对了 我是生我妈的气

　　Damn right,I'm angry with my mother.

　　看在上帝的份上 那年我才8岁

　　For God's sake,I was eight years old.

　　她当众羞辱了我

　　She humiliated me.

　　就是从那时起 我又开始尿床了

　　That's when the bed-wetting started again.

　　谢谢你 Leonard

　　Thank you,Leonard.

　　谢我什么?

　　For what?

　　如果像你这样 受过如此打击的人

　　If someone as damaged as you

　　每天都能从床上爬起来 面对生活

　　can find his way to crawl out of bed each morning,

　　那我也能应付一个简单的颁奖仪式

　　I think I can face a simple award ceremony.

　　等等 这就完了?

　　Wait,that's it?

　　我想着我们要进行一整个小时呢!

　　I thought we had a whole hour!

　　女士们先生们 晚上好

　　Good evening,ladies and gentlemen.

　　我是Leonard Hofstadter博士

　　My name is Dr. Leonard Hofstadter,

　　很荣幸能够在这里介绍本年度

　　and it is my very great honor to introduce the winner

　　总理科学奖的获奖者

　　of this year's Chancellor's Award for Science

　　我最好的朋友 Sheldon Cooper博士

　　and my good friend,Dr. Sheldon Cooper.

　　在介绍他之前

　　But before I do,

　　我想先和各位分享一封来自

　　I'd like to share with you a letter from Sheldon's mother,

　　今晚不在场的Sheldon的母亲的信

　　who couldn't be here tonight.

　　很温馨吧?

　　Isn't that nice?

　　他母亲还专门写了封信

　　His mother sent him a letter.

　　她为他而自豪

　　She's proud of him.

　　我多希望自己也能有这种经历

　　I wonder what that feels like.

　　总之

　　Anyway,

　　"亲爱的Shelly"

　　"Dear Shelly."

　　这是她对他的爱称

　　That's what she calls him.

　　Shelly... 这是小名

　　Shelly... it's a pet name.

　　你们知道我母亲给我取的小名是什么吗?

　　You know what my mother's pet name for me is?

　　就是Leonard

　　Leonard.

　　跑题了哈

　　But I digress.

　　"亲爱的Shelly..."

　　"Dear Shelly..."

　　哦 天啊

　　Oh,dear.

　　怎么了?

　　What's the matter?

　　我有点儿晕了

　　I'm getting dizzy.

　　别紧张

　　Don't worry.

　　你的C战警就在你旁边

　　You're surrounded by your C-Men.

　　我不行了

　　I can't do this.

　　我要晕倒了

　　I'm going to faint.

　　给 喝点儿

　　Here,drink this.

　　会让你放松点儿

　　It'll relax you.

　　酒?

　　Alcohol?

　　我不喝酒

　　I don't drink alcohol.

　　那就算了 晕吧

　　Fine,faint.

　　没什么变化

　　I don't feel different.

　　这酒是次品

　　This alcohol is defective.

　　来 试试这个管用不

　　Here,see if this one works.

　　首先

　　First of all,

　　这两个实验完全不一样

　　the projects were totally different.

　　我是想表现出

　　I was showing

　　用古典音乐培育菜豆可以

　　that classical music nurtures lima beans

　　促进它们生长 但是我妈妈

　　and makes them grow,but my mother

　　根本不听我的

　　didn't hear me.

　　如果你们想知道

　　If you'd like to look at the relationship

　　培育和生长的关系 我要说明的是

　　between nurturing and growth,I'd like to point out

　　我哥哥足足比我高了八英寸!

　　that my brother is eight inches taller than me.

　　我准备好了

　　I'm ready.

　　喔

　　Oh.

　　好的

　　Right.

　　女士们先生们 有请我们的贵宾

　　Ladies and gentlemen,our guest of honor

　　Sheldon Cooper博士

　　Dr. Sheldon Cooper.

　　谢谢啦 小矮个 接下来就是我的时间啦

　　Thanks,shorty,I'll take it from here.

　　好的 你们想要找点儿乐子吗?

　　All right,you people ready to have some fun?

　　你们懂不懂

　　You have a basic

　　微分的基本概念?

　　understanding of differential calculus

　　有没有至少学过一年的代数拓扑?

　　and at least one year of algebraic topology?

　　好的 我要开始讲笑话了

　　Well,then here come the jokes.

　　小鸡为什么要穿麦比乌斯圈(拓扑学中的单面环)?

　　Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?

　　为了去同一边... 对了!

　　To get to the same side... bazinga!

　　下一个 一个中子走进一家酒吧 问道

　　All right,a neutron walks into a bar and asks,

　　"一杯酒多钱?"

　　"How much for a drink?"

　　酒保说 "对你免费"(与"无电荷"谐音)

　　The bartender says,"For you,no charge."

　　在听吗?

　　Hello?

　　我知道你们就在那

　　I know you're out there.

　　我可以听到你们在呼进氧气

　　I can hear you metabolizing oxygen

　　呼出二氧化碳

　　and expelling carbon dioxide.

　　在座有很多学术界的权威人士

　　Looks like we have some academic dignitaries in the audience.

　　地理系的Randall博士...

　　Dr. Randall from the geology department...

　　[跟take for granted谐音]

　　唯一一位别人说他"花岗岩脑袋"  也很开心的少有之人

　　only man who's happy when they take his work for granite.

　　哈哈哈!

　　Ba-da cha!

　　我开地理学家的玩笑呢

　　I kid the geologists,of course,

　　只是因为我对这个领域很不屑

　　but it's only 'cause I have no respect for the field.

　　接下来我们严肃点

　　Let's get serious for a moment.

　　我们为什么会在这里?

　　Why are we all here?

　　因为我们都是科学家

　　'Cause we're scientists.

　　科学家研究什么呢?

　　And what do scientists study?

　　宇宙

　　The universe.

　　宇宙是由什么组成的呢?

　　And what's the universe made of?

　　很高兴你们问了这个问题

　　I am so glad you asked.

　　[The Element's Song 化学元素周期表歌]

　　* 它含有锑啊 *

　　* There's antimony *

　　* 有砷啊 铝啊 硒啊 *

　　* arsenic,aluminum,selenium *

　　* 有氢啊 氧啊 氮啊 铼啊 *

　　* and hydrogen and oxygen and nitrogen and rhenium *

　　* 还有镍啊 钕啊 镎啊 锗啊 *

　　* and nickel,neodymium,neptunium,germanium *

　　大家一起来!

　　Everybody!

　　* 有铁啊 有镅啊 *

　　* and iron,americium *

　　* 有钌啊 铀啊 铕啊 锆啊 *

　　* ruthenium,uranium,europium,zirconium,*

　　* 有镥啊 有钒啊 *

　　* lutetium,vanadium *

　　亚裔唱!

　　Just the Asians!

　　* 还有镧啊 锇啊 *

　　* and lanthanum and osmium *

　　* 有砹啊 有镭啊... *

　　* and astatine and radium... *

　　Penny Leonard啊

　　Penny,Leonard.

　　你们能不能回答我

　　Would you be able to answer some questions

　　昨晚发生了什么?

　　I'm having about the events of last night?

　　好的

　　Sure.

　　第一个问题...

　　Question one...

　　我的裤子呢?

　　where are my pants?

　　你可以上YouTube看看

　　You might want to check YouTube.

　　搜什么?

　　What do I search?

　　已经缓冲好了 直接播放吧

　　It's already loaded. Just hit play.

　　好的 现在我们开始探讨数学吧

　　All right,people,let's get down to the math.

　　是三维思想

　　It is only three dimensional thinking

　　限制了我们的想象

　　that limits our imagination.

　　我能从头上把裤子脱下吗?

　　Can I take my pants off over my head?

　　当然不行

　　Of course not.

　　上身挡着呢

　　My body's in the way.

　　[视频名：物理学家斯文扫地]

　　但是如果可以进入更高维度

　　But if we had access to higher dimensions,

　　我们就可以通过四维

　　we could move our pants around our bodies

　　让裤子在身体周围移动

　　through the fourth dimension

　　我们就要告别脱裤子的时代了

　　and our days of dropping trousers would be over.

　　哦 天哪...

　　Oh,Lord...

　　丢脸丢到家了

　　This couldn't be any more humiliating.

　　继续放

　　Give it a minute.

　　接下来

　　Now,for the astronomers

　　在座的天文学家 准备好

　　in the audience,get ready to see

　　来看看月球的另一面吧

　　the dark side of the moon.

　　[Uranus 谐音your anus菊花]

　　还有天王星呢

　　And here's Uranus.