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Katie Couric: Family law practitioner Mark Barondess has tried to demystify both marriage and divorce with his new book "What were you thinking?". Six hundred dollars per hour legal advice on relationships, marriage and divorce. Hi, Mark. Good morning. (Hi. Katie.) Nice to see you.
Mark Barondess: Good to be here.
Katie Couric: Well they say that you should write about what you know. And in many ways, this obviously since you're a divorce lawyer, you know intimately about a lot of different cases. But this is as much about marriage and how to avoid divorce, isn't it?
Mark Barondess: Well, it is. Because it became very clear to me during the course of all these years representing people in divorces that the number one problem was who they had selected to marry. That may seem sort, sort of simplistic, but people spend a lot of time planning a wedding; they don't spend a lot of time planning a marriage. That's a big mistake.
Katie Couric: And I would say probably there, there are a lot of great points and pieces of advice in this book. But perhaps the best is to be prepared like a boy scout, right? I mean, and you, you've talked about how to do that in a variety of ways, can you explain?
Mark Barondess: Sure, you have to be prepared. You have to really get to know your spouse. And you know, that seems simplistic again. But people don't take the time to understand where their value is, what are their true religious upbringings, what do they see themselves in five years, ten years. When it comes to time for children, what would the discipline be like for children? What would not be like? How are they gonna interact with in-laws. There are so many issues that will take place in the normal course of life. But they have to be talked about in advance.
Katie Couric: And it's interesting. I think one of the points you say think of your partner's most annoying habit, and realize it's only going to be more annoying as the years go on. (Sure. ) It is funny what you find sort of cute and quirky and attractive is really irritating ultimately, isn't it?
Mark Barondess: I saw the segment on your show earlier again about cell phones. And that's example that I used in my book. I mean if your spouse or your girlfriend talks very loudly in the cell phone now. By the time 5 years passed, she's gonna be sticking pencils in your eyes every time she makes a phone call.
Katie Couric: Yeah. You also talk about the number one reason for divorce and that is cheating, cheating, cheating, right?
Mark Barondess: Well, the number one reason for divorce is marriage. We can't ha...
Katie Couric: In fact you have a cute quote by Henny Youngman in here. I just want, the secret to a happy marriage remains a secret. And you also said Jack Nicholson said that there is any realistic deterrent to marriage, it's the fact you can't afford a divorce.
Mark Barondess: Jack is a very intelligent man.
Katie Couric: Yeah. But so marriage is the number one reason. But you also say cheating. (is, is...)
Mark Barondess: Cheating is clearly at least in my experience, there is a propensity in this country for people that are married to waver outside their marital vows. And you know it's just as much for women now as it is for men. Women are all out there cheating, having sex in this whole Desperate Housewives things if you will. All seems to support that.
Katie Couric: And in fact you cover a lot of different things in your book about Detectives, Good idea or Not, High-tech love, Beware? Know the judge and There is Hope of Second Marriages. But second marriages have a higher failure rate than first marriages.
Mark Barondess: Seventy percent.
Katie Couric: That is so depressing to me.
Mark Barondess: Seventy percent. Because people make the same mistakes twice. If I, if you were married to me and I was a workaholic and you divorce maybe because I was a workaholic. Chances are you will still marry another workaholic again. It's just people repeat the same patterns over and over again.
Katie Couric: And it's really important to recognize the patterns. So you get advice in this book from a lot of high- profile folks like Donald Trump. What does he have to say about divorce and urh, marriage rather, and why should we listen to Donald's hints.
Mark Barondess: Well. Because Donald at least points out that marriage is an extremely serious thing to be dealt with. He points out the reasons why you should have a pre-nuptial agreement. But there is advice from Doctor F. , from M. Williams, from Golfur, from Love Boat, GL, Jin Simens from Kiss. I mean we have the whole spectrums so that you get a good viewpoint in terms of what marriage and what divorce is really about.
Katie Couric: And you also talk about how to pick a divorce lawyer and sort of buyer beware on a couple of points flat out liars. Are there lawyers to, I mean, right? I mean aren't there some just bad news.
Mark Barondess: They are a lot of sleazy lawyers. I , mean (no). there are a lot of sleazy lawyers and. . . But,but...
Katie Couric: I always defend lawyers coz I was married to one.
Mark Barondess: Well, but the good thing is that there is a lot of great lawyers and what you have to do is you have to be selective, and find one of those great lawyers. If you do, then most likely you'll have an experience that would be palatable by the end of the day. I am not saying you'll throw a divorce party like you guys who were talking about earlier. It's a little strange.
Katie Couric: Yeah, yeah. While I think there is a lot of anger that people have to release in some ways following divorces so maybe that explains that. Are there some lawyers who just keep the divorce proceedings going coz they don't want gravy train to pull into the station?
Mark Barondess: Unfortunately there are. There are people that would take advantage of you in every profession whether it's a home contractor or it's a divorce lawyer, so you need to keep your eyes open. Follow the recommendation of a friend who is used to the divorce lawyer that has been very satisfied with the experiences, and most likely you'll have a satisfactory experiences as well.
Katie Couric: Well , it's a really fun book to read . I know that sounds funny since it's about divorce. But it's got some great advice and I think people who are contemplating marriage should read it, also maybe people who are thinking about divorce can enrich their lives by using some of the lessons and sustain their marriage.
Mark Barondess: Yeah, one of the things I did was to have this book be written for someone that was going to get married, in other words, if you had a daughter that was going to get married and said , Mum, I really love this guy. Well, read this book first and then if you still love him after reading this book. Then ok.
Katie Couric: Or at least follows some of the steps here.
Mark Barondess:Sure.
Katie Couric: All right,lawyer Mark Barondess. Great to see you(thanks, Katie) and it's nice to have Rose here-your beautiful wife, who also is our make-up artist at the times. Anyway, thank you so much and good luck of the book.
Mark Barondess: Thanks
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