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David Gregory: Clinical psychologist Dr. Judith Coche is here with some advice to keep you from dumping a bowl of punch over those bad-gift givers? Dr. Coche, good morning. Thanks for being here.
Judith Coche: Good morning. My pleasure.
David Gregory: So, the, the whole notion of it being the thought that counts for the holidays is, really nobody buys that anymore, coz' it's just not true, is it?
Judith Coche: Well, it isn't "it isn't". I mean giving is actually part of loving. And we want to love well. So when somebody doesn't give us a gift, we very often think that if we have to ask them, it means that we don't love them.
David Gregory: That they don't know us well enough, they don't know what we like, you know, what we don't like.
Judith Coche: Yes, we shouldn't have to ask, and I think that's wrong, David, I think you can ask somebody what they want. (Really? ) And if I come to you and I say, David, I wanna give you a present.
David Gregory: Right.
Judith Coche: Is that an OK thing to ask you?
David Gregory: Like for an anniversary gift, (Anything, yeah) if you say to your wife, 'if I get you a belt. Is that OK?' (Yeah) Using...
Judith Coche: Or a gun rack, right. . Gun rack, Yeah.
David Gregory: Yeah. A gun rack, right. Yes. There, a lot people think there , there can be a meaning behind a gift, right? (Yes, sure. ) So, if you get kind of a thoughtless gift or sometimes it doesn't really suit you, you are wondering, am I with a thoughtless person(Right. ) or whether it's your spouse, your girlfriend, boyfriend or a relative.
Judith Coche: Right. Giving is actually more about the giver than the receiver and we all know challenged givers. I mean they're all challenged givers. And if somebody is a challenged giver then they are going to give the same bad gift over and over again. So everybody has a bad year. (So, ) But once is once (Right, if you'd better keep it, so ) and a series of onces is not once. Excuses.
David Gregory: The question is how, how, should you pretend that you like the gift? To be polite, I guess it depends upon a setting. But if there is somebody that's close to you, at some point, you confront the person and say, you know, this is not getting you down.
Judith Coche: Both. (Really? )So, in public, the last thing we are going to do is to say, 'oh this is a terrible gift, why did you give it to me?' (Right. Right. ) because everybody in the room is gonna be really, really uncomfortable. But later, you can go to somebody, especially if you know them well and say, let's talk calmly. Can we please talk about Christmas on the gun rack? You know, wasn't it such a good idea?
David Gregory: Okey, let's go though some of you top tips here on the, (Sure. ) for the bad-gift givers to give you something good to (sort of) turn this person around. Eh, accept clumsy gift givers. We just have to accept them from time to time, that, they may not be the... Try to educate, like / you were saying, describe to them. .
Judith Coche: Calmly, quietly. In the peace of after the holidays, not during the holidays.
David Gregory: OK, evaluate relationships. Accept what you can't change in your gift giver and, and, and finally the holidays are about loving, right? And to give is to love.
Judith Coche: Holidays are about loving, awards and all.
David Gregory: Right. OK. Important advice. Thanks very much.
Judith Coche: My pleasure.
David Gregory: Happy holidays. (You too. ) Dr. Judith Coche.
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