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We're in the after-show, we are talking today about how our young girls are in crisis. How we are raising a generation of daughters with no self-esteem. The Dove campaign for real beauty launched a global study found that only 2% of women around the world will describe themselves as beautiful. And that's what we are teaching our daughters; we are passing that message on to our daughters. Earlier in the show we were talking about your young daughter, er, who is 3 years old and obsessed with being beautiful.(Yes) And you wanted to say what?
My question to Dr Roben is, Phlisha S talked about that Mirror that, to look at your inner beauty but as a mother, I, I have failed to show my daughter that Mirror. So, what can I do when she comes out and says:I hate myself. I don't look beautiful.
Phlisha also said that the beauty has to start from within. So to give your daughter that message that she's beautiful, you're gonna have to first see that you are.
I've got something to say.(Yes)I kinda disagree with you.(Okay,good,so tell me)that because my wife is very beauti, beautiful and she said that she felt like that when she was younger. So, I have a 6-year-old daughter that she finds beauty in everyone. So, I, you know, I think she's felt..you know,her beauty for years now. So, if anyone, it would've been our 6-year-old daughter that would've felt that way instedad of my 3-year-old daughter.
I, I hear you except for I listen to what your wife said about herself.(But she, but she said)I'm wondering, I'm wondering did you hear what your wife said?
No,I heard her say when she was young. She had it ... and because we've been talked about it and she said, you know...
So, let me just, let me ask you. Do you think you are beautiful?
Right now where I'm in my life,yes.
And tell me what's beautiful about you?
I'm at professionally in a place where I help people. I, I um, give back to my church. I'm helping my community.
Those are tasks.(Well, and)I wanna know what in your core do you celebrate everyday that you wake up?
I'm raising children, which is a difficult task and I think I'm instilling in my children to be responsible and loving and caring and we have a nurturing home and so those...
You don't sound to me that you feel like you are beautiful. I, I heard your list. Em, I hear what you are saying that you're doing and accomplishing. I also watch your daughter who is hating herself.
But you also didn't see my 6-year-old daughter that is beautiful and loves everyone else.
So, so this you know what I love about this Oprah? This is great. Because what is happening is that we are getting into this, I'm gonna protect my ego and the reason I'm gonna address this is 'cause your child's life is on the line. Your child is in trouble. She is in danger. It is not happening outside of your home, it is happening in your home. It is not to blame you. But when I hear parents say, and this is now for everybody 'cause part of what I wanna talk about on the after show is, the question for all of us is how have we injured our children? Not have we, how have we injured them? It's not a question about if we have 'cause we have. So, to you, and this is not for you to answer right now, your response was I disagree with you. We have a happy home. It would be our 6-year-old. I, I got all that. What I'm saying is there's a 3-year-old who you're getting ready to lose. And so we can either focus on what's happening and what has she picked up that's making her so focused. You know, magazines and how have we not protected her spirit and her mind. Where did we fall short and if you can't answer that and all you can do is tell me what a great job you've done. And it's not just you,this is,this is...
Yeah, but you know this is a classic thing that happens in families where you know, my generation we call them the black sheep, and you're headed for having what we call a black sheep. You have a child at three year old who's saying to you is in strong tantrums and saying I hate you. Wait till that child turn 13 or 10 or,you know what I'm saying? But I'm just ..let me finish (OK),and so, the mistake that a lot of people make that I've seen from interviewing over the years is, is..they will say,but I did the same thing with my other children. And my other children are perfect. My other children don't have, this isn't an issue. My other children are wonderful. We did the same thing. Every child needs something different and you can't do the same kind of parenting. The same kind of parenting doesn't work for every..if you have 2 children, you can not parent them the same. Yes or no? That is true. So it means, it means, what, what you are doing in the house for that one child and you all know this if you come from more than one person in your family. Your parents do the same thing and they say well how come you acted this way, (right) and she acted that way. Isn't that true?
It is. That's true and the other thing is what we all... (Everybody does that)
Right.
My, my point is exactly what you said. I mean maybe we are doing something wrong and that if we could change it, we are all for it. But I'm saying you know, it seemed like it would happen with the older kid..
Well,what I'm saying is...let's get rid of the,let's get rid of the "maybe".
Can you answer his question, why didn't it happen to the older kid? That's what he's saying.
Well,this is,yeah,well I wanna really address that because you don't know what your older child's feeling. This is very very important. Kids who don't open their mouth about how they are feeling, who say they're feeling great, who do really well, who itself. It does not mean, particularly in girls, that they are not struggling with other ways of self-hatred that you don't think so.(Not at all) Just, I love that you are asking because you are really gonna help educate all of us. (OK!) That just because one child(Looks perfect)looks like they escaped. (yeah!) They didn't...
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