Strike one: A nudge.

　　Strike two: A shove or kick.

　　Strike three: He's out -- of the bed and down the hall to the guest room.

　　'It prevents anger in the morning from lack of sleep,' says Ms. Thomas, a sales representative from La Mirada, Calif. 'And I think it just may have saved his life, because I am sure I would have killed him by now.'

　　Isn't sleeping together supposed to be fun?

　　Well, maybe in the beginning. But as soon as we start trying to get some actual rest, we quickly realize what the bed really is: another stage to play out the power struggles that occupy the rest of our waking hours.

　　Bedroom bickering goes beyond sex and snoring. Couples argue about everything from what time to turn out the lights to who hogs the covers. Should you keep the window open or closed? Watch TV while your partner sleeps? Let the kids climb into bed with you when they're scared? It's a wonder anyone gets any shut-eye at all.

　　Recently, I've listened to friends complain about wives who stuff used tissues under the pillow and partners who place grime-encrusted suitcases on the sheets when they pack.

　　One friend who goes to bed earlier than his boyfriend admits he's spent up to an hour at night knocking on -- and even throwing things at -- the wall that separates the bedroom from the living room, trying to get his partner to come to bed. (He stopped after he accidentally clocked the cat with a book.)

　　When 26-year-old Jackie Vertuccio and her boyfriend moved into their first apartment together a few months ago, she says they worried about how they'd adjust to actually sleeping together, night after night.

　　According to Ms. Vertuccio, her boyfriend likes to go to bed early and wake up late. (She's the opposite.) She likes to cuddle. (He says it's too hot in the summer to do that.) And then there's 'Pinky,' the terry cloth blanket that her boyfriend has had since he was a child. Ms. Vertuccio thinks it needs to go.

　　Now, Ms. Vertuccio says the Queens, N.Y., couple has struck a compromise: He tries to sleep less and she tries to sleep more, so they can go to bed and wake up at the same time. There's a summer ban on cuddling -- and, in return, a winter ban on 'Pinky.'

　　Remember when you used to rip the covers off your partner in lust, not anger? Early in a relationship, we marked the turning points by bedroom firsts: the first time we had sex, first time we spent the night together, first time we watched our sleeping partner and thought 'I don't want you to leave.'

　　So what went wrong? We moved in together. And although we've had to learn to compromise in many areas of our coupled lives, the bed may prove to be the hardest. It's a small area to share. And we're often tired and cranky -- or flat-out unconscious -- when we're in it.

　　Is it any wonder, then, that almost one in four couples sleeps in separate beds or bedrooms, according to the National Sleep Foundation.

　　Yet here's the dilemma: No matter how annoying we find the body next to us in bed, we miss it when it's not there.

　　So how can we get a good night's sleep? Here, some ideas:

　　Wear a mask.Cliff Mugnier, a 66-year-old Baton Rouge civil engineering professor has one that conforms around the bridge of his nose with memory foam to block out the glare from the cable news shows his girlfriend insists on keeping on all night.

　　Get your own sheets and blankets.Stacey Scaravelli, a 44-year-old Wheat Ridge, Colo., environmental consultant tried this after her boyfriend began using all the covers to wrap himself up 'like a burrito' on his side of the bed.

　　Host bedroom 'visiting hours.'That's what financial adviser Greg Scherr and his wife, Valorie, did before he retired. She'd climb into bed with him at 8:30 p.m., then leave around 10 p.m., after he fell asleep. 'Both of us being in bed and awake and coherent at the same time was a major advantage to the physical part of our relationship,' says Mr. Scherr.

　　Build another bedroom. Forty-year-old Belton, Texas, insurance salesman John Farwell and his wife plunked down $22,000 and converted their three-car garage to a two-car one to make room for another bedroom. Now, whether or not the sheets are tucked in and the number times Mr. Farwell gets up to use the bathroom are non-issues. 'People in the 1800s were considered rich if they had separate rooms as married couples,' says Mr. Farwell. 'That is what we keep reminding each other.'

　　Use three beds. Pablo and Beverly Solomon have two -- both full-sized -- in their bedroom: One with a hard mattress and a light blanket for him and one with a soft mattress and an electric blanket for her. 'We took the easy way out,' says Mr. Solomon, 62, an artist.

　　So where's the third bed? In a guest room downstairs, which the Lampasas, Texas, couple uses for intimate moments.

　　'It's sexier that way,' says Ms. Solomon, 56, who does the sales and marketing of her husband's art. 'The bedroom is where you brush your teeth and go to bed. This is where we actually add some romance to the marriage -- to keep it rocking.'

　　罗谢尔?托马斯（Rochelle Thomas）早就厌烦了丈夫多年来的鼾声如雷，如今她自创了一套“三招惩罚规则”。每次被丈夫的鼾声或身体的颤动──床被摇得“像廉价汽车旅馆的振动床”──吵醒，她就会给丈夫一个惩罚。

　　第一招：轻轻一推。

　　第二招：猛推或踢。

　　第三招：三振出局──把他赶下床，赶到客房去。

　　托马斯是加利福尼亚拉米拉达（La Mirada）的一位销售代表，她说，“这样做可以避免早晨因睡眠不足而产生的负面情绪，我觉得这规则可能还救了他的命，否则我肯定已经把他杀了。”

　　难道同床共枕不该是一件乐事吗？

　　刚开始可能是。但是当我们想要真正休息时，很快就会发现床真正意味着什么：权力斗争的又一个战场，需要我们为之付出很多清醒的时间。

　　卧室里的争吵不仅仅涉及性生活和打鼾。夫妻或情侣们争吵的事情很多，比如什么时候关灯，比如谁又抢被子了。窗子该开还是该关？对方睡觉的时候你该不该看电视？孩子害怕的时候跟他们一起睡？这么多琐事，你能丝毫不为所动才怪！

　　最近听到了一些朋友的抱怨：妻子把用过的纸巾塞在枕头底下，另一半在收拾行李的时候把脏兮兮的箱子放到床上。

　　一个朋友上床睡觉的时间比他的男友早，他说，他曾花长达一个小时的时间敲打卧室与客厅之间的墙，甚至往墙上扔东西，试图让他的男友上床睡觉。（失手用书砸到猫之后就没敲过了）。

　　26岁的杰姬?维尔提斯奥（Jackie Vertuccio）和男友前几个月刚搬到一起住，他们的爱巢位于纽约皇后区。她说，他们对如何适应两人每晚都同床共枕的变化而担忧。

　　据维尔提斯奥说，她的男友喜欢早睡晚起（而她正好相反）。她喜欢相拥而眠（而他却说夏天这样太热）。还有就是“粉红小毯”──男友从小一直用的一条绒布毯子，她认为应该扔掉。

　　维尔提斯奥说现在他们俩互相妥协了：他试着减少睡眠时间，她试着延长睡眠时间，于是就能同时睡觉和起床了。夏天禁止相拥入睡，而在冬天不允许用“粉红小毯”。

　　还记得出于欲望而不是气愤抢爱人被子的时候吗？在恋爱初期，我们都会把卧室里的第一次视为转折点：第一次做爱，第一次一起度过一整夜，第一次凝视对方的睡姿时在想“我不想离开你”。

　　问题到底出在哪儿呢？因为我们搬到一起住了。我们在夫妻生活的很多方面都不得不学会妥协，床大概是其中最难的一部分。如此小的一张床却要两个人分享。在这张床上，我们会感到疲惫和暴躁──或者完全不省人事。

　　美国睡眠基金会（National Sleep Foundation）的数据显示几乎四分之一的情侣或夫妻选择分床或分房睡，也就不足为奇了。

　　但矛盾的是：无论我们怎么讨厌睡在旁边的那个身体，它不在的时候我们又会想念。

　　那我们怎么才能睡个好觉呢？下面的几个方法供参考：

　　戴面具。

　　66岁的克里夫?马格尼尔（Cliff Mugnier）是路易斯安那州巴吞鲁日市（Baton Rouge）的一位土木工程教授，因为女友坚持整晚都要让电视播著有线电视新闻节目，他就弄了个戴在鼻梁上的记忆海绵，以阻挡亮光。

　　各用各的床单和被子。

　　44岁的史黛西?斯卡拉韦力（Stacey Scaravelli）是科罗拉多州惠特里奇市的一名环境顾问，在男友开始把被子全抢过去将自己包裹得像“一个墨西哥卷饼”后，她就尝试了这一招。

　　安排卧室“探访时间”。

　　理财顾问格雷格?谢尔（Greg Scherr）和妻子凡尔瑞（Valorie）在他退休前就用了这一方法。她在晚上八点半和他一起上床，在他睡着后，10点钟左右离开卧室。谢尔说，“两人同时上床，一起醒着度过一段和谐的时光，这对于我们保持和谐的肉体关系起着至关重要的作用。”

　　再准备一间卧室。

　　得克萨斯州贝尔顿市（Belton）40岁的保险销售员约翰?法韦尔（John Farwell）和他的妻子拿出22,000美元把他们三辆车的车库改造成了两辆车的车库，多出来的空间又做了一间卧室。这样，床单是否卷起来、法韦尔先生起床上几次厕所就都不是问题了。法韦尔说，在19世纪，已婚夫妇有分开的卧室是有钱的象征，这也是他们俩一直谨记的一点。

　　用三张床。

　　62岁的帕布罗?所罗门（Pablo Solomon）是得克萨斯州拉姆巴萨斯市（Lampasas）的一位艺术家，56岁的贝弗利?所罗门（Beverly Solomon）为丈夫的艺术品做销售和营销。这对夫妇的卧室里有两张床──并且都是双人床。丈夫的床是硬床垫和薄毛毯，妻子的床是软床垫和电热毯。所罗门先生说，“我们的方法简单有效。”

　　那第三张床呢？夫妇俩在楼下的客房还准备了一张床用于亲热。

　　所罗门夫人说，“这是最性感的方式。卧室是刷牙洗脸和睡觉的地方，事实上第三张床为我们的婚姻增添了许多浪漫──让我们一直保持激情和快感。”