好莱坞杜比剧院上演的年度好戏“奥斯卡”和往年一样爆笑不断，我们收集了今年的搞笑颁奖词。

Neil Patrick Harris’s diversity zinger:

尼尔·帕特里克·哈里斯（本届主持人，以下简称“哈里斯”）的反讽主持：

Tonight we celebrate Hollywood’s best and whitest, sorry… brightest.

今天，我们聚在一起庆祝好莱坞最佳最白，哦不，最闪亮的盛典。

Neil Patrick Harris’s Reese Witherspoon joke:

哈里斯调侃瑞茜·威瑟斯彭：

This next presenter is so lovely you could eat her up with a spoon.

下一位颁奖嘉宾是如此可爱，你可以一勺子把她吃掉。

Neil Patrick Harris’s Lego snub joke:

哈里斯调侃乐高爆冷：

[Before introducing the nominees for best animated film] If you’re at the awards party with the guys who made the Lego Movie, now would be a good time to distract them.

[介绍最佳动画电影提名之前]如果你和做乐高电影的人一起来奥斯卡，现在是时候分散他们的注意力了。

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson:

巨石强森的铁汉柔情：

I remember crying my eyes out when I watched the end of the Lion King.

我记得我看狮子王的时候差点把眼珠哭出来。

Laura Poitras’s Citizenfour acceptance speech:

罗拉·柏翠丝《第四公民》获奖感言：

We don’t stand here alone, it’s possible through the great organisations that support us. The disclosures that Edward Snowden revealed aren’t only a threat to privacy but to democracy, when the most important decisions made affect all of us. Thank you to Edward Snowden. I share this with Glenn Greenwald and other journalists who are exposing truth.

我不是一个人站在这里，还有那些支持我们我们的组织。爱德华·斯诺登披露的事实（美国安全局监控丑闻）不仅是对隐私的侵犯，还是对民主的挑战，重大的决策会影响每一个人。感谢爱德华·斯诺登，我与格林·沃尔德和其他报道真相的记者共享这个荣誉。

Neil Patrick Harris’s Edward Snowden joke:

哈里斯笑称爱德华·斯诺登无法登场：

The subject of Citizenfour, Edward Snowden, could not be here for some treason.

《第四公民》的主角爱德华·斯诺登，因为某些原因，无法来到现场。

Common and John Legend on Selma and Glory:

科曼、约翰·传奇《塞尔玛》最佳金曲获奖感言：

Recently, John and I got to go to Selma and perform it on the same bridge that Martin Luther King walked over. Once a landmark of a divided nation, the spirit of this bridge now for all people regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation or social status. This bridge was built on hope and welded with compassion. Common

科曼：最近我和约翰有机会在马丁·路德·金曾走过的同一座桥上演唱这首歌。这座桥曾是美国民族分裂的象征，而现在，它代表着我们不分种族、性别、性取向和社会地位的和睦精神。这座桥是由希望铸造、由同情之心焊接。

We wrote this film for events that happened 50 years ago but we say that Selma is now. We live in the most incarcerated country in the world. There are more black men incarcerated today than were in slavery in 1850. John Legend.

约翰·传奇：我们写的电影讲的是50年前的故事，但塞尔玛是指向当下的。我们生活在世界上监禁最厉害的国家，今天被监禁的黑人甚至比1850年的奴隶时期还要多。

Julie Andrews on the Sound of Music and film scores:

朱莉·安德鲁斯（音乐之声女主角）获得最佳电影配乐奖：

I can’t believe 50 years have gone by since that film was released. I blinked and suddenly here I am. We all really felt blessed and as for me; how lucky can a girl get. Great music does more than enhance a film, it cements our memories in the film going experience.

我不敢相信这部电影问世已经50年，我眨了下眼睛，就站在这里了。我们都感到非常幸运，而我，还有比我更幸运的女孩吗？好的音乐不只是点缀电影，它将我们对电影的记忆凝固在时间里。

Graham Moore’s ode to individuality:

格拉汉姆·摩尔致敬个性：

When I was 16 years old I tried to kill myself because I felt different and that I didn’t belong. Now I’m here, and I want this moment to be for that kid who feels weird or different. Stay weird, stay different.

我曾经在16岁时试图自杀，因为我觉得自己不一样，并为此感到恐慌。现在我站在这里，我希望此刻是给那个为个性而羞愧的小孩，保持个性，特立独行。

Eddie Redmayne goes gracious:

“小雀斑”埃迪·雷德梅尼获奖 惊呼好幸运：

I’m fully aware that I am a lucky, lucky man. This Oscar belongs to all of those people around the world battling ALS. It belongs to one exceptional family, and I will be its custodian and I promise you that I will polish him.

我真的发现自己是个非常非常幸运的人，这座小金人属于全世界各地与ALS（肌萎缩侧索硬化症）战斗的人，它属于一个特殊的家庭。我只是它的保管人，我保证会经常给它抛光。

Julianne Moore goes funny:

朱丽安·摩尔搞笑领奖：

I’ve heard it said that winning an Oscar means you live five years longer. If that’s true I want to thank the academy because my husband is younger than me.

我听说领一个小金人回家，可以让你多活五年。如果这是真的，我想要感谢组委会，因为我的丈夫比我年轻。

Alejandro González Iárritu does funny and serious:

亚利桑德罗·冈萨雷斯·伊纳里图既搞笑又严肃：

Maybe next year the government might impose some immigration rules on the academy. Two Mexicans in a row is suspicious. [On Mexican immigrants in the US] I hope they can be treated with respect of the ones who came before and built this incredible immigrant nation.

没准明年政府会对组委会出台什么移民条例：两个墨西哥人一块儿领奖是十分可疑的（讽刺美国的墨西哥移民政策）。我希望那些移民到这里，并创建了这个伟大移民国家的人民可以获得应有的尊重。

Alejandro González Iárritu does bonus backstage funny:

亚利桑德罗后台又搞笑：

Fear is the condom of life. It doesn’t allow you to enjoy things.

恐惧是生活的安全套，它不许你享受。