我知道这不是我们以前用的高级货

but I'm telling you, used moving blankets are gonna be in this year.

相信我，搬家包家具的毯子今年将会是时尚尖端

Who's a trendsetter?

创造潮流，非你莫属啊

We're really lucky November is so warm.

今年到11月还这么暖和，真是幸运

Another thing I'm giving thanks for this Thanksgiving-- global warming.

今年感恩节我还要感谢一样东西，就是全球暖化

I think the three remaining polar bears would disagree.

我想仅存的三只北极熊可不同意

Max, it's time to teach me how to bake.

麦克斯，是时候教我烘培了

Okay, well, if we're doing that, first I have to go get baked.

可以，不过要我教你的话，得先等我抽爽了

I'm serious.

我是说真的

It's the beginning of the holiday season,

节日季开始了

and with all the potential Christmas cupcakes and festive gift baskets,

到时候没准会需要圣诞小蛋糕和节日礼品篮

you're gonna need as much help as you can get.

你会需要一个帮手的

Festive holiday gift baskets?

节日礼品篮

No way.

不要

I'm not into all that crap.

我才不想掺和进这些破玩意儿

Oh, no. Are you gonna be one of those,

别啊，难道你是那种

"I am too cool to believe in the wonders of Christmas" type of bitches?

"我成熟到不再相信圣诞节的神奇"的贱人吗

I am so many types of bitches,

我是很多种类型的贱人

I've lost count.

多到我数不过来

And the only wonder of Christmas I'm aware of is...

我唯一注意到的圣诞奇迹是

I wonder how you're gonna keep up that attitude through Christmas this year.

我好奇你这种心态是否能保持到今年的圣诞节

Why, because this is my first holiday without any money?

为什么，因为这是我第一次一贫如洗地过节吗

Uh, yeah.

正是如此

Money isn't what makes the holidays special, Max.

节日的特别不是靠钱堆砌出来的，麦克斯

Uh, yeah.

正是如此

The holidays are totally about money.

节日完全是靠钱堆砌出来的

It's about spending money to buy things to stuff into the giant black sucking hole

花钱买东西来塞进我们心中那个深不见底的黑洞，

in the center of each of us that reminds us life is hard and then we die.

以此来提醒我们在死之前，日子都不会好过

And that's my Christmas card.

这就是我圣诞卡的祝语

Max, I'm aware this holiday season will be challenging,

麦克斯，我知道这个节日季节会不好过

will I miss my 20-foot Christmas tree decorated by ten gay men? Yes.

我会想念我们家由十位男同精心布置的高达二十英尺的圣诞树吗，会

Will I miss those ten gay men outing my cousin Steven before he was ready? No.

我会想念十位男同在我表弟斯蒂芬做好心里准备前就逼他出柜吗，不会

My holiday spirit is bigger than my money.

我的节日精神更胜我的钱

So come on, teach me how to bake.

所以拜托，教我烘培吧

We only have a couple weeks.

我们只剩两周时间了

Fine. Pour a cup of milk into the mixer.

好，倒一杯牛奶进搅拌器

This will be fun.

这肯定会很好玩

When I was little, I used to make my father cakes in my easy-bake oven.

当我还小，我常常用我的儿童简易烤箱做蛋糕给我爸爸吃

My easy-bake oven was repossessed.

我的儿童烤箱被人没收了

So, um, speaking of your father, are you doing okay?

既然说到你爸，你还好吧

I mean, this is a hard time of year for people who have feelings, and just...

我是说，每年的这个时候人们最容易胡思乱想了，而且...

With your father in prison, how are you doing?

你爸还在监狱，你真的没事吗

I'm doing great.

我没事

I actually just found out that since it's Thanksgiving,

其实我刚发现正因为是感恩节

they're allowing me to come see him for the first time.

他们准许我第一次去看他

Well, that excitement will probably taper off after the full-body cavity search.

那股兴奋劲儿很快就会随全身洞口搜查而逐渐变弱

I don't know. I might like it.

不知道，或许我会喜欢呢

It's been a while since I've had any cavities searched.

很久没人给我做"洞口"搜查了

All right, pour the milk, slut.

好啦，倒牛奶吧，小骚货

One cup milk.

一杯牛奶

There, how's that? Good.

搞定，怎么样？不错

Now into the mixer.

放进搅拌器

There, how was that?

搞定，怎么样

Uh-uh. We're not playing "Rich girl gets a trophy every time she does something normal"

我们又不是在玩"富家女每做一件正常事就赢一座奖杯"的游戏

Just cover the bowl with the towel so it doesn't splash out, and turn it on.

用布把碗盖起来，这样就不会溅出来，然后打开开关

Oh, it's not plugged in.

电源忘插了

Right.

收到

No, not without the towel!

不，别把毛巾拿开

Christmas comes but once a year, and I think it just did.

一年一度的圣诞节刚刚大驾光临了