把你们的白屁股坐好了！

　　In our fast-changing world, traditions like the White House Correspondents' dinner are important.

　　在这个瞬息万变的世界，白宫记者晚宴这种传统是很重要的。

　　I mean, really!

　　我是说，真的吗！

　　What is this dinner?

　　这晚宴是个啥玩意儿？

　　And why am I required to come to it?

　　为啥我被要求参加？

　　Jeb Bush, do you really want to do this!

　　杰布·布什，你真愿意做这个么！

　　Because despite our differences, we count on the press to shed light on the most important issues of the day.

　　因为，摒弃前嫌，我们依靠媒体来报道日常大事。

　　And we can count on Fox News to terrify old white people with some nonsense!...

　　我们可以指望福克斯新闻用一些胡说八道来恐吓白人老人！...

　　That was ridiculous.

　　这太扯淡了。

　　We won't always see eye to eye.

　　我们的观点不可能总能达成一致。

　　And, CNN, thank you so much for the wall-to-wall Ebola coverage.

　　CNN，十分谢谢你们铺天盖地的埃博拉病毒报道。

　　For two whole weeks, we were one step away from “The Walking Dead.”

　　整整两个礼拜，我们差点儿就可以成为行尸走肉了。

　　Then y' all got up and just moved on to the next day.

　　然后你们又起床开始了新的一天。

　　That was awesome.

　　这很棒。

　　Oh, and by the way, if you haven't noticed, you don't have Ebola!

　　但是顺便说一句，你们可能没发现，你们根本都没感染埃博拉好嘛！

　　But I still deeply appreciate the work that you do.

　　但是我依旧很感谢你们所做的一切。

　　Y' all remember when I had that big old hole in the bottom of the gulf of Mexico, and then I plugged it?

　　你们还记得墨西哥湾海底泄漏么？是我给堵上的！

　　Remember that?

　　记得那个吗？

　　Which Obama's Katrina was that one?

　　那个是第几次奥巴马卡特里娜飓风？

　　Was that 19 or was it 20, because I can't remember.

　　是第19还是20次，我不记得了。

　　Protecting our democracy is more important than ever.

　　捍卫我们的民主比以往任何时候都重要。

　　For example, the Supreme Court ruled that the donor who gave Ted Cruz $6 million was just exercising free speech.

　　例如，最高法院裁定，捐助了泰德·克鲁斯600万美元只是行使言论自由。

　　Yes, it's the kind of speech like this, I just wasted $6 million.

　　这话的意思就是，我只是浪费了600万美元。

　　And it's not just Republicans.

　　这不仅限于共和党人。

　　Hillary will have to raise huge sums of money too.

　　希拉里也将不得不筹集大量的资金。

　　Aw yeah, she's going to get that money!

　　欧耶，她会得到钱的！

　　She's going to get all the money!

　　她将得到所有的钱！

　　Khaleesi is coming to Westeros!

　　卡利熙来到维斯特洛了！

　　Watch out! Woo!

　　小心！喔！

　　The non-stop focus on billionaire donors creates real problems for our democracy.

　　对亿万富翁捐助者无休止的关注为我们的民主创建带来了真正的问题。

　　And that's why we're running for our third term!

　　这就是我们为何要竞选第三届的原因！

　　No, we're not.

　　不，我们没有。

　　We're not?

　　我们没有吗？

　　No.

　　没有。

　　Who the hell said that!

　　刚刚是哪个煞笔说的！

　　But we need to focus on big challenges like climate changes.

　　不过我们需要关注像气候变化一样的大挑战。

　　Hey, folks, if you haven't noticed, California is bone dry.

　　嘿，筒子们，如果你们注意到了的话，加州已经干透了。

　　It looks like a trailer for the new “Mad Max” movie up in there.

　　那里看起来简直像一部《疯狂的麦克斯》电影的新预告片。

　　You all think that Bradley Cooper came here because he wants to talk to Chuck Todd?

　　你们都认为布拉德利·库珀来到这里，是因为他想跟查克·托德谈天说地？

　　He needed a glass of water!

　　他需要的是一杯水！

　　Come on.

　　来吧。