all the guys in my school went to a sleepover. 我们学校所有人都会在别人家夜宿

　　And every Monday they'd brag about it 然后每个周一他们都会在那些没

　　in front of kids who weren't invited... Like me. 受到邀请的孩子们面前吹嘘自己的周末...比如我

　　Man we ate so much cereal. 伙计们，我们吃了太多的燕麦

　　Yeah we did. Remember when Doug wet the bed? 确实是，还记得道格尿床了吗？

　　Sploosh! It's not a party till my sleeping bag's flooded! 四处飞溅呀！直到我的睡袋都被淹没了这才像是个聚会

　　Yeah. 是呀！

　　Sleepovers are corny as hell. 夜宿真是太粗俗了

　　Right? Those guys are so dumb. 可不是吗？那群家伙就是蠢货

　　Hey Eddie. Wanna come to my sleepover on Saturday? 喂，艾迪，你想周六来我家夜宿吗？

　　Yes! 好的！

　　Wait a minute. Why are you inviting me? Is this a trick? 等等，为什么你想邀请我？你想捉弄我？

　　No tricks. Trent told me about 没有，特伦特告诉我

　　you feeling up that old ladyat the block party. 在街区聚会上你和那个老女人亲热了

　　He touched her butt. She was like 25. 他摸了她的屁股，那个女人看起来像是25岁

　　Respect. You're gonna super appreciate 很牛逼，你这周六会

　　what I've got planned for Saturday. 对我给这周六定点计划很感兴趣的

　　I've got a dirty magazine. 我拿到了一本色情杂志

　　"Sports illustrated" swimsuit issue. “体育画报”女士泳装专题，

　　I hear Elle MacPherson's pretty. 我听说艾拉·麦克弗森（澳大利亚名模）很漂亮

　　Obviously none of us had seen a dirty magazine before. 很显然，我们之前都没看过色情杂志

　　It was 1995. 在1995年

　　It wasn't like you could just say "Siri find me boobs." 你不可能说“Siri找点露点的照片”

　　My big brother got a subscription 我的哥哥订了这书

　　under a fake name... "Todd Thickstone." 用了个假名，托德·吉克斯通

　　He's on an eagle scout's trip until Sunday 他周日前都在鹰童军训练

　　so it's all ours. 所以它是我们的了

　　I was mad psyched. 我真的太激动了

　　I was on the road to making some friends. 我马上能交上朋友了

　　No way. 没门

　　Why not? It's just a sleepover. 为什么不行？只是个在朋友家夜宿一晚

　　Because pedophiles. 因为有恋童癖的人

　　I saw it on the Nightly News. 我在晚间新闻听说这事

　　Back in D.C. my mom spent her days 以前在华盛顿的日子，我的妈妈一直

　　working at my Uncle's furniture store 在我叔叔家的服装店工作

　　and her nights karaoke-ing with her friends. 她的晚上都是和朋友在卡拉ok度过的

　　But since we moved to Orlando 但是自从我们搬到了奥兰多

　　she had a lot of time on her hands... 她空闲时间很多

　　Time she filled watching the Nightly News. 这些时间她大多用来看晚间新闻

　　Are you at risk for date rape? 你有在约会被强暴的危险吗？

　　Are deadly chemicals in your couch?  你的沙发里掺杂着致命的化学品吗？

　　Sexual harassment in the workplace... 工作场所的性骚扰...

　　can it happen to you? 会发生在你身上吗？

　　Yes it can. 是的，能

　　Fear mongering was made for my mom 妈妈听到这些恐怖消息之后

　　and her paranoia made the rest of us miserable. 她的妄想症也让我们大家感到痛苦

　　Uh... 额..

　　Are we still going to the movies? 我们还去看电影吗？

　　Only if there's something with Denzel. 只有丹泽尔的电影我才去

　　Movie theaters are a hot bed for disease. 电影院是疾病的温床

　　Nightly News. 晚间新闻说的

　　"Crimson Tide" is playing. 红潮风暴在上映

　　Start the car. 开车去

　　If you don't let me go to that sleepover 如果你不让我去参加同学的夜宿

　　I'm gonna stop eating. 我就绝食

　　Buddy... 老兄...

　　I overreached. I see that now. 我过头了，我明白

　　Eddie I already told you you can have the sleepover here. 艾迪，我告诉你了，你可以在咱们家举办夜宿

　　I know that we are not pedophiles. 我知道我们都不是有恋童癖的人

　　The guys won't go for that. 那帮人是不会因为这个来的

　　I don't have a dirty ma... 我没有色情杂...

　　it's just stupid here. 反正我们家不好

　　You won't believe what happened at work today. 你们肯定想不到今天上班发生了什么

　　What's going on? 怎么了？

　　A customer just asked to be seated 一位顾客刚刚想找个位子

　　but all the tables are full. 但是所有的都已经满了

　　Should we... start a waiting list? 我们可以开始列出等候名单吗？

　　And then we started a waiting list! 然后我们就列出等候名单了

　　That's amazing! It's what we've been waiting for! 太不可思议了，这是我们一直所期待的

　　Oh no. I was afraid of this. 哦，不，我有点害怕这事

　　Yeah. W-wait. What just happened? 是啊，等等，你说啥？

　　Eddie what's the thing you always say 艾迪，你总是说

　　that the fat brown man says? 那个胖胖的皮肤黑黑的男人说的什么？

　　Mo' money mo' problems? Yes that. 钱越多，事越多？对，就是这个

　　Now that we are close to achieving our dreams 既然我们正在慢慢靠近我们的梦想

　　we have to think about protecting them. 我们就要想办法保护他们

　　We don't want to be a target for frivolous lawsuits. 我们可不想因为小事而总被起诉

　　I saw it on the Nightly News. 我曾在晚间新闻看到过这种事

　　Why do you always find something to worry about? 为什么你总是杞人忧天？

　　Just relax. Our insurance covers everything. 放松就好，我们的保险涵盖所有的事

　　Food poisoning? Covered.  事物中毒？包括

　　Slip and fall? Covered.  滑倒摔跤？包括

　　Sexual harassment? Damn you're good.  性骚扰，该死的，算你狠

　　I knew there would be something. 我就知道会有这些事

　　We need to do a seminar so that we are not liable. 为了不负法律责任，我们需要举办些研讨会

　　I can do it. 我可以做这事

　　At my family's furniture store I handled employee grievances. 在我家的家具店，我就负责员工的投诉

　　The employees were you and your sister. 员工一共就你和你的姐姐

　　That bitch. 那个小婊砸

　　Jessica don't say itch-bay in front of of the k-i-d-s. 杰西卡，不要在小孩面前说砸婊

　　Dad we can spell. 爸爸，我们可以拼出来的

　　Of course you can little man! 当然你可以，小孩子！

　　Hey you know what? I'm gonna get you an applesauce. 喂，你知道吗？我去给你拿个苹果酱

　　Dad I don't want an apple... Okay I'll have an applesauce. 爸爸，我不想要苹果...好吧，我要了

　　Okay. 好的

　　My mom convinced my dad to let her 我妈妈说服我爸爸让她

　　give the sexual harassment seminar 来主持一次关于性骚扰的研讨会

　　by... Well pretty much harassing him. 她通过...额，骚扰老爸的方式

　　Welcome to the first official 欢迎来到第一次正式的

　　Cattleman's Ranch sexual harassment seminar. “牧场主人的牧场”性骚扰研讨会

　　Okay? 可以吗？

　　To make sure we always have a pleasant work environment 为了确保我们每一个人都能在舒适的环境下工作

　　flirting should be avoided at all times. 调情在任何时刻都是被禁止的

　　Unless you're a handsome man because who doesn't like that? 除非你是个帅哥，因为谁不喜欢帅哥呢？

　　Ladies let's discuss how to sit. 女士们，让我们研究下我们的坐姿

　　Your ankles should be crossed at all times... 你们的脚踝应该一直是交叉的

　　Unless your thighs make it physically impossible. 除非你的大腿粗到让你的腿并不拢

　　You cannot wear any shirts that expose your belly button 你们不能穿露肚脐眼的衬衫

　　especially if you have an outtie. That's just gross. 尤其如果你要是有外凸的肚脐眼的话，太恶心了

　　Dirty jokes in the workplace... not allowed. For example... 黄段子在工作场合要禁止，例如...

　　"A German broad with big honkers walks into a bar." “一个德国醉汉走进了酒吧”（美国经典笑话的开场）

　　Okay! That's uncomfortable. 知道了！这不适合

　　Thank you. 谢谢

　　Help yourselves to fig Newtons and milk 大家随便吃点无花果酥和牛奶吧

　　and laugh about what just happened. Okay. 刚才发生的事就一笑了之吧

　　And my brother said there's a foldout of Kathy Ireland 我哥说那杂志里有凯西·爱尔兰的的折叠画册

　　in a white bikini looking "cold" 她穿着比基尼“瑟瑟发抖”

　　if you know what I mean. 如果你听懂我的话

　　I don't. Me neither.  我不懂，我也不懂

　　But we'll find out on Saturday. 星期六我们就知道了

　　I have real bad news.I can't come to the party. 我有个坏消息，我不能参加聚会了

　　Sucks to be you... 你真是太逊了

　　'Cause I'm also getting a popcorn machine! 因为我搞到了一台爆米花机

　　Aw yeah! 真棒！

　　Dude! Nice! 真棒，老兄

　　Do you know what might be cool? 你知道什么比较酷吗？

　　Is if we do the party at my house. 就是在我家里聚会

　　Your house? No. 你家？不要

　　My magazine my party. 我的杂志，我的聚会

　　Besides does your bedroom have a mini fridge full of... 况且，你的卧室有装满，Hi-c ecto coolers（饮料）的

　　Hi-c ecto coolers? 小冰箱吗？

　　The official drink of slimer! 这可是Slimer（卡通人物）的官方代言饮料啊！

　　I was losing my audience. I had to do something quick. 我的观众要流失了，我需要采取措施

　　I have a dirty movie. 我有A片

　　Eddie's then? 那就去艾迪家？

　　The guys were coming over for a dirty movie... 那些家伙们会为了A片来我家的

　　a dirty movie I didn't have. 实际上我没有A片

　　To make some friends I had to break some rules 为了交到朋友，我拼了

　　and your boy was willing to do whatever it took. 我会不惜一切代价

　　Why are you wearing grandma's coat? 你为什么要穿奶奶的衣服

　　Because I'm gonna steal a dirty movie. 因为我要偷A片

　　You don't have to do this. Yes I do.  你干嘛要这么做，我必须这么做

　　The guys are coming over tonight. 那群家伙们今晚就来了

　　I'll tell mom. I'll draw butts on your homework.  我会告诉妈妈的，我会在你的作业上面画屁股

　　You win. I know.  你赢了，必须的

　　So that's where I'm gonna steal a dirty movie. 我要去那里偷黄片

　　Love isn't dirty. It's beautiful. 爱情不肮脏，它的美妙的

　　Shut up. Now let's do this. 闭嘴，你们听我的

　　You guys cause a distraction. 你们负责分散他们的注意力

　　One... Two three... Raisins! Raisins! They used to be grapes! 一，二，三，-葡萄干，葡萄干，它们的前身是葡萄

　　Raisins! Raisins! They used to be grapes! Four five six... 葡萄干，葡萄干，它们的前身是葡萄，四，五，六

　　Raisins! 葡萄干

　　Where are the cartoons? 动画片在哪

　　That's what I'm looking for 'cause I'm a kid! 因为我还是个孩子，我只能看动画片！

　　I knew it! 我就知道

　　I knew you didn't have a dirty movie 我就知道你没有A片

　　and that you'd come here to steal one. 你来这儿是想偷一个

　　But you totally failed. 但是你完全失败了

　　Are you gonna tell everybody? 你会把这事告诉所有人吗

　　Are you kidding? 开什么玩笑

　　It'll be much more fun to watch you crash and burn tonight. 看着你今晚悲痛欲绝会更有趣

　　Let's go raisin thrower. You're outta here. 走吧，扔葡萄干的人，快出去

　　Don't tell mom! She relies on me! 别告诉妈妈，我还指望我呢

　　30 31 32... 三十，三一，三二...

　　33 3... 三三，三...

　　Yep. Thank you. 谢谢

　　Okay we apologize if some of you felt sexually harassed 在上个性骚扰训练中，如果你们当中有人感觉受到了性骚扰

　　by our last sexual harassment training. 我们表示道歉

　　Who felt harassed?! Was it you? 谁受骚扰了，是你吗

　　I...I... Uh no. 我...我...没有

　　Okay stop. Stop. 好啦，打住，打住

　　Now thanks to my wife 当然“感谢”我的妻子

　　who opened up this can of worms for no reason 是她没无缘无故让情况变得一团糟

　　I've hired a professional to lead the seminar. 我聘了一位专家来主持这一研讨会

　　So everybody let's give a warm Cattleman's welcome 各位，让我们以牧场餐厅式的热烈欢迎

　　to Dusty Nugget! 致以，达斯蒂，纳盖特!

　　All right! 好嘞！

　　All right! Thank you! 很好！谢谢！

　　So... A little bit about me. 那么...简单的自我介绍

　　I was a repeat sexual harassment offender 我曾经是个屡次性骚扰犯

　　who thanks to a complicated plea deal 多亏了复杂的认罪协议

　　is now working for the good guys. 现在为正义的一方工作

　　That's right they Hannibal lectered me. 是的，他们让我改邪归正了

　　Don't be alarmed. I booked on showing not touching. 不要惊慌，我为展示而来，不是因骚扰而来

　　So... Let's start with the basics. 那么...从基础开始学起

　　Is sexual harassment good? Or bad? 性骚扰是好是坏？

　　Bad? 坏？

　　That's great. 答对了

　　Oh great job. Great great job. 做得很好，做得很好

　　Now I'm gonna give you a little kiss. 现在我要亲你一下哦

　　And freeze. 暂停

　　What am I doing wrong? 我哪里做错了？

　　What? 什么？

　　Sorry. I'm your neighbor... Eddie. 不好意思，我是你的邻居，艾迪

　　Yeah. I see you staring at me always. 是啊，你总是盯着我看

　　Cool cool. So I know it's weird 酷，所以我知道这很奇怪

　　but can I take a video of you doing anything? 但我能拍个你的动态视频吗

　　Like homework 像做作业

　　or washing that car over there? 或是清洗那辆车

　　No. 不

　　Hey mom ask me if I'll eat my carrots. 妈妈，快问问我有没有吃胡萝卜

　　No. I can't believe we're paying for all this stuff. 真是不敢相信，我们要为所有的东西付钱

　　Because of you. 还不是因为你

　　No one is fond of fondling. 没有人喜欢被爱抚

　　You know why it's so expensive? 你知道这些东西为什么贵吗

　　Hidden fees. 隐藏费用

　　I saw a Nightly News once where they talked... 我上次看到晚间新闻上说...

　　no more Nightly News! 不许再看晚间新闻了！

　　These are the snacks you got me for my sleepover? 这就是你为我的夜宿准备的零食吗

　　Squiddies? What are squiddies?  Squiddies？这是什么东西？

　　They were on sale 它们正好在打折

　　and there's a funny octopus on the bag. 袋子上还印着一只可爱的小章鱼

　　Who's squirting ink on a dog! 还把墨水喷到小狗身上

　　These are for dogs! 这是狗粮！

　　Dad help me out. 爸爸，快救救我

　　Eddie you'll be fine. Just play with the legos I bought you. 艾迪，没事，你就去玩我给你买的乐高吧

　　Legos?! 乐高？！

　　Oh welcome to our home! Come in! 欢迎到来，快进来

　　Eddie is so excited. 艾迪很激动

　　He's had such a hard time making any friends. 他交朋友到不容易啊

　　Okay mom. Thanks. 好了，妈妈，谢谢你了

　　There's pork bone stew on the stove. 炉子上煮的有猪肉骨头汤

　　It's good for your hearing. 对你们的听力很好

　　Mom...Bye Mrs. Huang.  妈妈，再见，黄女士

　　Thank you! 谢谢

　　Where's the dirty movie?  A片呢

　　Yeah Eddie. 对呀，艾迪

　　Where's the dirty movie?  A片在哪呢

　　Okay guys here's the thing... 其实，你们听我解释

　　Is this it? 就是这个？

　　I don't know what "harassment" means 我不知道“骚扰”是什么意思

　　but it's got the word "ass" in it. 不过有“骚”在里面哟

　　You two play in here okay? 你们俩在这里玩，好吗？

　　Give Eddie some time with his friends. 让艾迪和他的朋友一起玩

　　Grandma what's your favorite color? 奶奶，你最喜欢什么颜色

　　Prepare to sploosh. 做好狂射的准备吧

　　We'll see. 等下才知道

　　Dusty: The workplace is filled with inappropriate characters. 在工作场所总有人举止不雅

　　Let's meet some of them. 我们来看看都有哪些

　　Here we have the "persistent Romeo." 这个是“纠缠不清的罗密欧”

　　If you select me on Friday night 如果你在周五晚上选择我

　　I'll select you for the promotion. 我就给你升职

　　How about Saturday? 那周六怎么样？

　　Sunday? 周日？

　　Monday? 礼拜一总行了吧？

　　Then there's "the crooner." 这个是“自恋歌手”

　　And watch out for "tempting Tanya." 这个是“魅力十足的塔尼娅”

　　She'll use her sexuality to ensnare you. 她会用她的欲望诱捕你

　　Great job in the meeting today. 今天在会议上的表现真棒

　　This is amazing. 太赞了

　　I can't believe I'm actually watching a dirty movie. 我简直不敢相信我正在看一本A片

　　Obviously none of us knew what a dirty movie was. 很明显我们那时都不知道A片是个什么感念

　　You butthole. I can't believe you actually did it. 你个混蛋，我真不相信你真的偷出来了

　　Yo I always do it. 拜托，我是老手了

　　Next up... 下面是...

　　sensitivity regarding holiday party planning. 关于对节日派对计划的敏感性

　　Yeah! 爽！

　　My sleepover was a big hit 我的这次夜宿很成功

　　thanks to dad's sexual harassment video. 这归功于老爸的关于性骚扰讲座的带子

　　I couldn't wait to brag about it with my boys. 我等不及要在我兄弟面前炫耀一番

　　How about the part 那段话经典

　　where "one for the road Randy" is like  “让蜀黍下面给你吃”可以用在

　　come on Jen from accounting. Let's have one for the road"?  “来吧，会计部的珍，让蜀黍下面给你吃呗对吧？”

　　Yeah. 就是啊

　　What a sleepover huh? 昨晚的夜宿很棒，对吧?

　　Maybe I'll do it again next weekend. 也许我下周还会举办一次

　　Oh we don't need to go back to your place. 哦，我们不需要去你那里看了

　　We have our own copies. 我们自己都有了一份拷贝

　　How did you get those? From me.  你们哪里来的？我这里

　　You ganked my party so I ganked your video. 你夺走了我的聚会，我就夺走你的带子

　　You stole my tape? 你偷了我的录像带？

　　I had a kid in the media room make copies. 我有个小弟在多媒体教室复制拷贝

　　They all have the tapeso... They don't need you 他们都有带子了，所以...他们不需要你了

　　How do you sleep at night? 你这样晚上睡得着吗？

　　With two night-lights. I got a big room. 晚上开俩夜灯就行啦，我卧室可大了

　　Louis we need to install floodlights in the parking lot. 路易斯，我们得在停车场安装探照灯了

　　Why? 为啥？

　　Because bad guys steal babies from the backseats of cars. 因为有坏人会从后座偷小孩子啊

　　It's a baby selling scheme. 最近卖小孩的可猖狂了

　　I saw it on "60 minutes." 我在“新闻六十分”看到的

　　No Nightly News last night. 好吧其实是从晚间新闻看的

　　They aired a repeat of "Family Matters." 他们把“凡人琐事”重播了一遍

　　I know. I saw it. Urkel was hilarious. 我知道，我也看了，乌克尔超搞笑的

　　You need to stop being so paranoid. 你不要再如此偏执了

　　We don't know these people down here. 我们对这里的人还不了解

　　We don't know what they're... capable of. 我们可不知道他们能...干出什么事来

　　And freeze. 暂停

　　This is currently not sexual harassment 目前这个情况还不算是性骚扰

　　but if in the process of making up things got physical 但是再这样发展下去，有了肢体接触

　　well that is a workplace no-no. 那么，绝对是不能在工作场所出现的哟

　　What are you still doing here? 你怎么还在这里？

　　The state requires me to be here for one week 政府规定我还得花一周的时间检查你们

　　before I can give you your completion certificate. 然后你们才能拿到完整的证书

　　Uh... 呃...

　　I'll recommend you to everyone I know. 我会把你推荐给每一个我认识的人

　　It wasn't long 不久后

　　before that video spread all over the joint. 这个带子已经散播到各个角落

　　It was like the 1995 version of going viral 好像一种1995年的病毒

　　and it started a sexual harassment revolution 让性骚扰在我们学校

　　at my school. 成为一种革命

　　If you select me as your boyfriend uh 如果你选我当你的男朋友

　　I'll select you for the promotion. 那么我就给你升职

　　Nice kick in kickball today. 你今天球踢得不错

　　Well aren't you a tempting Tanya? 你可不就是那个魅力十足的塔尼娅？

　　I like it. 我喜欢

　　Hey girl. How about we have one for the road? 嘿，妞儿，让蜀黍下面给你吃吧？

　　What road? 下什么面？

　　Uh... 呃...

　　This got out of hand fast. 这情况无法控制了

　　I'm confused why we're here. 我不知道为什么要我们来

　　We traced this video back to your son. 我们追查到你们的儿子和这些带子有关

　　It's caused an epidemic. 带子很流行啊

　　It's just a sexual harassment training video 这只是个我餐馆用来做

　　from my restaurant. 防止性骚扰培训的带子啊

　　Oh I've watched the video. I know it's completely innocent. 哦，我看了，我知道这带子没问题

　　I'm confused why we're here. 我仍旧不知道为什么要我们来

　　If the boys think this is a dirty movie 如果孩子们认为这个是成人片的话

　　they obviously don't know what sex is. 说明他们对性不了解

　　We're planning a sex Ed assembly. 我们要开一个性教育班

　　But in the meantime we're encouraging parents 但是与此同时，我们鼓励父母

　　to have "the talk" with their sons. 要和他们的孩子们谈谈那方面

　　"The talk"? He's still just a kid. 谈谈那方面？他只是个小孩子啊

　　Here. We're giving all the parents a copy 给，我们给了所有的父母一份

　　of the district-approved textbook. 被审核过的教科书

　　"Flowers & watering cans"?  “花朵与喷壶”？

　　It's quite lovely. My wife did all the illustrations. 很可爱的，插画都是我老婆画的

　　Oh is that what your wife does with her free time? 哦，你老婆有空的时候就做这个吗？

　　My wife worries about sexual harassment 我老婆会担心性骚扰

　　razor blades in apples baby thieves 苹果里有没有刀片，人贩子

　　my favorite blue sweater getting me mistaken for a gang member... 还担心我最喜欢的蓝色毛衣让我被误认为是帮派成员...

　　it's a nice sweater...For a crip to get shot in. 这么好的毛衣被一个瘸子开枪打穿了不可惜了么

　　I'm going to apple bee's after this. 我一会要去苹果蜂（美国餐饮连锁店）吃饭

　　Do you think I'll be okay? 你觉得我这样穿会有事吗？

　　No I don't. 会有事的

　　You're bluffing. You don't have it. 你在唬我，你根本没有那么大的牌

　　I'm all in. 我全压了

　　She had it Evan. 她的牌有那么大，埃文

　　Guess he's not a kid anymore. 我觉得他已经不再是个小孩子了

　　I can't believe it's time to give him the talk. 我实在无法相信我们现在就要与他进行那个谈话

　　I know. 我懂

　　Well... I will let you know how it goes. 恩...我会随时向你汇报谈话进展的

　　Aw hell no. 哦，天哪，不

　　You created this whole situation. 你把事情搞成这样的

　　I'll handle this now 我现在要以父亲对儿子的身份

　　father to son. 来处理这件事

　　"Flowers &watering cans."  “花朵与喷壶”

　　I can't believe 我实在无法相信

　　this is how they teach kids about sex here. 在美国他们就是这么教孩子性知识的

　　Dad can you please just ground me or something? 爸爸，你还是罚我不许出门吧好吗？

　　Eddie... 艾迪...

　　Half the reason I come to this country 我来这个国家一半的原因是

　　is so you could have lots of sex. 这样你能够有更多滚床单的机会

　　What I mean is Taiwan was so conservative. 我的意思是，台湾太保守了

　　You couldn't really have sex before you were married. 你结婚前基本不能与人滚床单

　　You didn't know 你都不知道

　　if you and your wife were compatible that way. 你和你老婆在那方面是否和谐

　　It was dumb luck that your mom and I were. 不过很幸运的是我和你妈那方面挺和谐的

　　Yo! Sorry. 哟！抱歉

　　Look I don't want you to go out and have sex tomorrow okay? 听我说，我并不希望你明天就去外面滚床单，好么？

　　But this? 但是这本书？

　　This is just gonna confuse you. 这本书只会让你困惑

　　I will tell you the truth if you wanna hear it. 如果你愿意听的话我会告诉你事情的真相的

　　Yeah? Okay. 好么？好的

　　Hmm. Okay where to start? 恩，好吧，从哪里说起呢？

　　This will sound crazy 这听起来会很疯狂

　　but it's way better than video games. 但比电脑游戏强多了

　　You know how sneezes feel really satisfying in a weird way? 你是不是觉得打喷嚏有时候会有种满足感？

　　Stay away from Arkansas. 离阿肯色州远点

　　They outlawed all the fun stuff. 他们把所有有趣的东西（情趣用品）都列为违禁品

　　Spring break my God. 春假的时候，那叫一个爽啊

　　I am so excited for you. I might come with. 我为你感到兴奋，我可能也会一起去

　　That's a great question. 那是个很好的问题

　　I say maybe you burn about 200 calories? 我觉得可能可以燃烧大概200卡路里的热量？

　　If you pretend like you have a bad back 如果你假装你的背受伤了

　　you don't have to do so much work. 那你就不需要做很多动作

　　Three words...old "national geographic." 五个字...旧“国家地理”

　　I like having the lights out 我喜欢把所有的灯都关掉

　　so I can pretend like we're in a castle. 这样我就可以想象我身处一个城堡之中

　　These are not the type of crabs Maryland is known for. 这可不是马里兰州那个有名的螃蟹（梅毒）

　　And most importantly 最重要的是

　　like we always say during the "S.N.L." monologue 像我们经常在“S.N.L”独白中所说的

　　when a musician hosts 当一个音乐家主持的时候

　　wrap it up. 收工

　　How'd it go? Good.  谈话进行的如何，很好啊

　　I went over the whole book. 我通读了整本书

　　Did you tell him not to date rape? 你告诉他不要在约会时去强奸人家了么？

　　What? 你说啥？

　　I felt good after that talk with my dad. 跟我老爸谈过之后我觉得好极了

　　The other guys at school got a bunch of garbage 学校的其他家伙都只是知道了一堆

　　about watering cans and flowers. 喷壶和花朵的垃圾知识

　　"Mm let's kiss." "Okay."  嗯，咱们吻一个吧，好啊

　　But my dad gave me the real 但是我爸爸告诉了我现实是什么

　　and I was mad appreciative for that. 我对此真的非常感谢

　　I said to myself when I became a dad 我跟自己说，等我成为一名父亲

　　I'd treat my son with the same resp... 我也要这样对我的儿子...

　　Aah! Like that?!  啊！像这样？！

　　What are you doing?! You like that?! No?!  你干什么？！你喜欢这样吗？！不喜欢吧？！

　　Well girls don't either! No means no! Respect girls! 女孩子们也不喜欢这样!不约就是不约！要尊重女孩子！

　　Nightly News! 晚间新闻说的！

　　Okay okay I won't! God! Ow! 好啦好啦，我不会的！老天爷啊！啊！

　　Okay I may have overreacted. 好吧，我可能是有点反应过度了

　　Ya think? 你才知道？

　　Obviously I have too much time on my hands. 很明显，我是太闲了

　　I'm in the house all day and it's making me stir-crazy. 我整天呆在家里，都要抓狂了

　　I think I need to get a job. 我觉得我该找份工作

　　Here are the classifieds. I circled you several options. 这里是分类招聘广告，我帮你圈出来了几个合适的

　　And? 然后呢？

　　Do you have anything else you wanna say to me? 你没有其他什么想跟我说的？

　　Yes. Go get ready for bed. 有啊，快准备去睡觉

　　And that you're... 并且你...

　　His mother and that he still has a bedtime. 他妈妈，并且他依旧到了该睡觉的时间了

　　But you came at Eddie with a stuffed animal. 但你拿个大玩偶那样推艾迪

　　And now you're... s... 现在你...对...

　　Sewing it up. 对，要把玩偶缝好

　　Oh come on. 哦，不是吧

　　I don't have to say "I'm sorry" to him Louis. 我不必跟他说“对不起”路易斯

　　I gave birth to him. 我生了他

　　Life is worth a thousand "I am sorrys." 给予他生命可以抵消上千个对不起了

　　Thanks mommy. It looks as good as new. 谢谢，妈妈，它看起来跟新的一样好了

　　This belongs to grandma now. She won it fair and square. 现在它归奶奶了，她赢得公平公正

　　Oh that's poker baby. 哦，这就是玩扑克的规矩啊，宝贝

　　That's poker. 扑克牌的规矩

　　No. No no no. No no no no. No. No. 别，别，别，停下，停下

　　Okay students a state-licensed spokesman 好了，同学们，一名州立注册过的发言人

　　is here to tell us about our bodies. 要来这里跟我们聊聊我们的身体

　　One of our parents Louis Huang highly recommended him... 有位家长，路易斯，黄，强烈推荐了他...

　　Dusty Nugget! 热烈欢迎达斯蒂，牛街特

　　Okay! 好的

　　It's Dusty Nugget. Just "Nugget." 我是达斯蒂，纳盖特，叫我“纳盖特”就行

　　Okay kids what do you say we keep that applause going 好了，孩子们，你们能持续这热烈的掌声

　　for a special friend of mine I brought along to help us out? 来欢迎一位今天特意到来帮助我们的特殊的朋友吗？

　　Huh? They'll hear it for him! Huh? 怎么样?我们来听听他要说什么吧！

　　Yay! Thanks Dusty Nugget. 好的，谢谢啦，达斯蒂，纳盖特

　　Wow. What a cool guy huh kids? 哇哦，多酷的人啊，是不是，孩子们？

　　Hi! I'm Healthy Hamilton. 嗨！我是健康的汉密尔顿

　　And uh what do you say we just start with some questions huh? 让我们先从几个问题开始，好吗？

　　Do you have a penis? 你有没有小鸡鸡？

　　Kevin! 凯文！

　　No it's okay. 不，没关系

　　I prefer to think of it as a watering can. 我更喜欢把它想像成是一个洒水壶

　　So... You guys wanna hear the real? 那么...你们想听听真实的是什么吗？

　　Sleepover my house Saturday night. 周六晚上在我家夜宿吧

　　I'll tell you about spring break 我会告诉你有关春假的事

　　black spring break... no!  黑暗春假...不用了

　　Uh we're gonna have a sleepover at my house Saturday night. 额，我们周六晚会在我家夜宿

　　I just got... 我刚刚有了...

　　A bird that can talk! 一只会说话的鸟哦！

　　So... Eddie's house then? 那...就艾迪那吧？

　　Yeah they chose me Brock. 哈哈，他们选择了我，布罗克

　　Talk to your bird about that. 跟你的鸟聊聊这个吧