As the landlord was finishing up his “how to keep a clean apartment” speech, he opened the door and a squirrel ran out.

当房东刚跟对我发表了“如何让公寓保持整洁”的长篇大论后，他打开门，里面跑出来一只松鼠。

landlord n. 房东

squirrel n. 松鼠　

I was home alone, sneezed and heard “bless you !” come through the wall bordering the other apartment.

我独自在家，当我打了一个喷嚏，听到从另外一个公寓传来了一声“保佑你”。

My first apartment was so small that I had to put my bed in the kitchen. I called it a “bitchen.”

我第一间公寓太小了，我不得不把我的床开到厨房里。因此，我叫它“bitchen"。(bedroom与kitchen的结合体）

sneeze vi. 打喷嚏

Neighbors were arguing on the balcony and I looked out to see her holding a beer case over the edge and him screaming, “NOT MY BEERS!”

我的邻居们在阳台争吵。我跑过去看到一位邻居正拿着一瓶啤酒丢向另外一位，然后那位便尖声叫道：“不是我的啤酒！”

balcony n. 阳台

scream vt. 尖叫，呼喊

I had a light switch cover with a naked baby urinating into a pot.

我曾经有拥有一个开关罩子，是个光屁屁的小男孩正向一个壶里尿尿。

switch vt. 转换

urinate vi. 小便，尿尿