I was trying to open the lid of my ice cream and I pulled so hard. I punched myself in the face.

当时，我只想把冰激凌的盖子给打开。结果用力过猛，一拳砸到自己的脸上。

lid n. 盖子

punch vt. 捶

Forgot I put a mirror in my room. Got up at night, thought someone broke in and tried to kick them. Broke the mirror and my toe.

我忘记自己在卧室放了一面镜子。一天起夜，看见有人破门而入的我准备把那人暴打一顿。结果，镜子和我的脚趾负伤而亡。

toe n. 脚趾

Flipped weed wacker over to unclog it, stepped on trigger, ended up weed wacking my belly hair off.

为了清理割草机，我把它翻了过来。可是不小心踩到了开关，结果肚子上的毛被剃光了。

weed wacker n. 割草机

unclog v. 使畅通

belly n. 肚子，腹部

trigger n. 开关，扳机

step on 踩上

When I heard that Jennifer Aniston got engaged, I sprained my ankle running into the kitchen to tell my mom.

听到Jennifer Aniston 订婚的消息，我狂奔到厨房告诉我妈，结果扭伤了脚踝。

ankle n. 脚踝（想起小时候第一次念成脚“果”，lol）

sprain v. 扭伤

I made microwave popcorn and when I opened the bag to smell it, the hot air burned my face.

我做好了微波爆米花，打开袋子，想要闻一闻香味。结果，一股热流灼伤了我的脸。

microwave n. 微波炉

popcorn n. 爆米花