Steve looked over the booklet. "This is Scientology!" he said. "A cult! I'm not going there. Are you out of your mind?" 史蒂夫把小册子看了一遍。“这是山达基!”“这是狂热崇拜！我不去那里。你疯了吗？”

What was going on was that Sterling Management was run by Scientologists and was a top recruiter for the church. 其实，斯特林管理是由山达基教徒管理的，是教会的高级扩员机构。

My mother said she finally had a purpose—she was joining the fight to save humanity! Steve walked out. 妈妈说她终于有了目标——她加入了拯救人类的战斗！史蒂夫出走了。

After that, Mom fell deeper and deeper into the church. LeClair was involved in her own life, acing school and getting accepted at the American University of Paris. 从那以后，妈妈在这个教会里越陷越深。勒克莱尔忙于自己的生活，在学校成绩优异，被巴黎美国大学录取。

That summer she took a job her mom had found for her at Sterling, selling management-training manuals. 那年夏天，她在斯特林做了一份妈妈为她找的工作，销售管理培训手册。

Then she had a near-fatal car accident that shook her to the core, and Scientology's teachings suddenly piqued her interest. 然后，她发生了一场几乎致命的车祸，把她吓得魂飞魄散，山达基的教义突然激起了她的兴趣。

I knew little about Scientology except what I'd gleaned from my mother—that practitioners gained self-knowledge and spiritual fulfillment through training fashioned after founder L. Ron Hubbard's Dianetics self-help book. 我对山达基知之甚少，只从母亲那里知道了一些——教徒们模仿创始人L.罗恩·哈伯德(L. Ron Hubbard)的《智力学》自助书籍的内容进行训练，借此获得自我认识和精神满足。

We were immortal beings with emotional baggage from our past incarnations. 我们是不朽的存有，带着我们前世化身的情感包袱。

Through courses and the counseling sessions of "auditing," we could address those issues and achieve a superior state of spiritual enlightenment. 通过“旁听”课程和咨询，我们可以解决这些问题，达到一种更高的精神启蒙状态。

Only Scientologists, as evolved, superior beings, could save the planet. 只有山达基教徒这种经过进化的高级生物，才能拯救地球。

As I began taking "auditing" sessions I finally understood what my mother had meant when she talked about a "higher purpose." 当我开始参加“审计”课程时，我终于明白了我母亲所说的“更高的目标”是什么意思。

It made sense to me. LeClair put her college plans on hold. 这对我来说很有意义。勒克莱尔搁置了她的大学计划。

She soon came to believe that no part of her life would be off limits to Scientology. 她很快就相信她生命中的任何部分都不会对山达基教有所保留。

"I want you to read this," the auditor said one day. It regarded homosexuality. Swallowing hard, I began reading. “我想让你读读这个，”一天审计员说。那是关于同性恋的。我忍气吞声，开始看书。

L. Ron Hubbard considered homosexuals and other "perverts" as "evil, untrustworthy, a criminal." My hands trembled. L.罗恩·哈伯德认为同性恋和其他“变态”是“邪恶的，不可信赖的，罪犯”。我的手在颤抖。

"Have you ever had homosexual thoughts?" she asked. “你有过同性恋的想法吗?”她问。

I realized the auditor must have been referring to my brief encounter with a classmate, which I'd confessed to another auditor. 我意识到审计员一定是指我与一位同学的短暂接触，我向另一位审计员承认了这一点。

"Yes," I said. "I had thoughts about a high school friend." "Thank you. Did you ever act on it?" "No," I said, telling a white lie. "I did not." “是的,”我说。“我对一个高中朋友有想法。”“谢谢。你曾经做过吗？”“没有，”我说，撒了个善意的谎，“我没有。”

I'd just assumed all girls experimented with each other. I had known enough not to broadcast it—not because I thought I was gay; it just wasn't something you talked about. 我只是认为所有的女孩都试过。我非常明白，不会到处说——不是因为我认为我是同性恋；只是你从来没聊到过。

The subject of dating came up during my sessions. Each time, I responded honestly that I couldn't find anyone I wanted to be with. I was told I was being too picky.  他们跟我谈到约会。每次，我都诚实地回答说，我找不到一个想与其共度一生的人。他们说我太挑剔了。