I was back on e-mail from my hospital room the day after giving birth. 生完孩子当天，一回到病房我就开始上网查看邮件了。

Over the next three months, I was unable to unplug much at all. 随后的3个月，我根本就不可能对工作完全撒手不管。

I checked e-mail constantly. 我总是在查看邮箱，

I organized meetings in my living room, during which I sometimes breast-fed and probably freaked several people out. 在起居室里开电话会议，这期间还可能要给孩子喂奶，一些人很可能会因此崩溃。

(I tried to set these gatherings for times when my son would be sleeping, but babies make their own schedules.) 我试过在儿子睡觉的时候开会，但小孩子可不会乖乖地遵从你的时间安排。

I went into the office for key meetings, baby in tow. 重要的会议我会带着孩子去办公室开。

And while I had some nice moments with my son, I look back on that maternity leave as a pretty unhappy time. 尽管我和儿子也一起度过了一些美好的时光，但回忆起来，那段产假休得并不开心。

Being a new mother was exhausting, and when my son slept, I worked instead of rested. 初为人母真累人，我儿子在睡觉的时候，我则在工作而不是休息。

And the only thing worse than everyone knowing that I was not sticking to my original commitment was that I knew it too. 每个人都知道我没有信守最初的承诺，比这还糟糕的是，我心里也很清楚这一点，

I was letting myself down. 我正在损害自己的威信。

Three months later, my non-leave maternity leave ended. I was returning to a job I loved, 3个月后，我所谓的产假结束了，我又回到了我热爱的工作岗位。

but as I pulled the car out of the driveway to head to the office for my first full day back, 但当我把车倒出车库，正要去办公室开始回归工作的第一天时，

I felt a tightness in my chest and tears started to flow down my cheeks. 胸口突然出现了一种重压感，接着眼泪就顺着脸颊流下来。

Even though I had worked throughout my "time off," I had done so almost entirely from home with my son right next to me. 虽然“休假”期间我一直在工作，但那时儿子基本上一直都在我身边。

Going back to the office meant a dramatic change in the amount of time I would see him. 而回到办公室则意味着我和他在一起的时间会急剧减少。

If I returned to my typical twelve-hour days, I would leave the house before he woke up and return after he was asleep. 如果我还是和从前一样每天工作12个小时，就得在他醒来时离家、在他睡着时到家。

In order to spend any time with him at all, I was going to have to make changes ... and stick to them. 若要保证陪孩子的时间，我就必须调整工作时间，而且要坚持下去。