Here we are with our blazing flames and just a few close friends. 我们在这和我们明亮的光芒以及几个亲近的朋友一起。

(Actually, it's just me and the cameraman.) (事实上，只有我和摄影师。)

But this question was written in by someone in response to a three-part series that I had done on the "Art of Asking Questions." 但这个问题是某位写来，回覆我在《问问题的艺术》做过的三部曲系列。

And this person just said, "Hey, can you give us some tangible questions to actually ask?" 这个人就说：“嘿，你可以提供我们一些明确的问题去真的发问吗？”

So, I will do that because that's such a great question. 所以我会提供，因为那真是个好问题。

Let's pretend you're at a party. This is how you do it. 我们来假装你在一场派对上。这是你怎么做的。

"Hi, what's your name?" “嗨，你叫什么名字？”

"Are you in school?" “你在上学吗？”

"Where did you grow up?" “你在哪长大的啊？”

"Tell me about your family." “跟我聊聊你的家人。”

"Come here often?" “常来这吗？”

And that's how it's done. Thanks for writing in. 就是要这样做。谢谢来信。

No—this isn't rocket science. 不－－这不是火箭科学那么困难的事。

Those are basic stock questions that I know you know how to ask—I know how to ask 那些是我知道你知道该怎么问的基本惯用问题－－我就知道怎么问

—but the difficult thing for you and me is listening to the answer. －－但对你我来说难的事是“倾听回答”。

So when you're at a party and you are...you know, see Bill and you're like "Hey, Bill." 所以当你在派对然后你...你知道，看到 Bill 然后你就像“嘿，Bill”那样。

And you wanna ask him some questions; ask him, you know, "What do you do?" "What are your hobbies?" or whatever, 你想问他一些问题；问他啊，你知道的，“你是做什么的？”“你的嗜好是什么？”还是什么的，

and then pay attention to what he gets excited about. 然后注意他对什么感到兴奋。

Listen to the verbal answer, but also the non-verbal answer. 倾听语言回答，还有非语言回答。

What does he get...you know, and so if he's like, "I, you know, I really love climbing trees blindfolded." 他对什么感到...你知道，所以如果他像这样：“我，你知道，我真的很爱蒙眼爬树。”

Wow—you know, sometimes we can go, "Well, I don't like climbing blind trees folded." What? 哇－－你知道，有时候我们会说：“嗯，我不喜欢对折爬瞎树。”瞎米？

I don't like climbing trees blindfolded, so I guess Bill and I don't have anything kinda in common. 我不喜欢蒙眼爬树，所以我猜 Bill 和我毫无半点共同处。

Guess I'll get back to the punch bowl. 我想我得回去找调酒大碗公了。

No—you go, Wow, this is something really unique about Bill, 不－－你要想：哇，这真是件关于 Bill 很独特的事耶，

and take the time to go, Okay, if he's excited about this, I wanna learn more. 然后花时间去想：好吧，如果他对这感到兴奋，那我想要知道更多。

Be inquisitive. 要有好奇心。

I don't know if it's our social media and being able to say what we're doing and how we're feeling all the time, 我不知道是不是因为我们的社群媒体还有能够无时无刻说我们在做什么，以及无时无刻说我们感觉如何的关系，

but I think we've kind of lost the ability to go, wonder what this person's thinking, wonder what they're, you know, passionate about, 但我觉得我们已经有点丧失能力去好奇：不知道这个人在想什么、不知道他们对什么有热忱，

so pay attention to that. 所以留意那资讯。

And then compare it to yourself and go, Wow, I don't have a passion for blindfolded tree climbing, you know,  然后将那和自己相比并思考：哇，我对蒙眼爬树没有热情，你知道，

or I don't even have the ability to do what Bill does. 或是我根本没办法做 Bill 做的事。

And just pay them a compliment, honor them, just because it's a nice thing to do—you know, 就给他们一个赞美、尊崇他们，只因为这是件很好的事－－你知道，

when someone is taking the time to say something nice to you. 在有人花时间对你说些好话时。

I think we have this fear of doing this. 我觉得我们有给人赞美的这种恐惧。

"What messages are we gonna send people?" No—get over that and just do it! “我们会传达给人什么讯息？”不－－克服那恐惧然后做就对了!

And then even more, what I love is, like, if I'm talking with somebody, and then somebody else comes up, 更甚至，我爱的事是，像如果我在和某人说话，然后其他人出现了，

and the person that I've been talking to says to that person, 而在和我说话的人告诉那个人：

"Hey, did you know that Joy's been doing this, this, and this?" “嘿，你知道 Joy 在做这个、这个还有这个吗？”

I mean, that makes you feel so cool. 我是说，那让你觉得很酷。

And so, I wanna make a practice of engaging anybody in that way, 所以我想要想要养成一个和任何人都以那种方式交谈的习惯，

where I listen to them, I pay attention to what excites them, I honor them, and then I honor them publicly. 我会倾听他们、我留意什么使他们兴奋、我尊崇他们，然后我公开对他们表示敬意。

If we can't do that in our regular friendships, 如果我们没办法在我们日常的友谊中做到那，

then when we're in the day-in and day-out of marriage and you just get used to somebody, 那么当我们在婚姻的日复一日里时，你就习惯了某人，

it's really gonna be difficult for us to stop, ask questions, listen to their answers, pay attention to their dreams 对我们来说会很难去停下来、去提出问题、倾听他们的回答、注意他们的梦想还有他们感到兴奋的事物，

and the things that they get excited about, and then honor them—privately and publicly. 然后尊崇他们－－私下还有公开地。

This is a practice we need to do now because I do believe it'll affect our marriage. 这是一个我们现在就要养成的习惯，因为我相信这将会影响我们的婚姻。

So, I know I've really stretched that out of, like, "How do I ask quetions at a party?" 所以，我知道我真的从那延伸很远，像是，“我怎么在派对上问问题？”

to, like, projecting onto your marriage. 到像是，投射到你的婚姻上。

But as you can tell, this is something I get passionate about. 但如你能发现的，这是一件我热衷的事。

So, I appreciate you asking the question and good luck at the next party with Bill, the tree climber. 所以，我很感谢你问那问题，然后祝你下次派对上和 Bill，那个爬树的人，一切顺利喽。

On the next Ask Joy, Joy finally attains full creeper status. 在下一次《请问 Joy 大大》中，Joy 终于到达怪咖状态。

Just go to a party, ask her what she does, see what she gets excited about—squirrels, treats, whatever... 就去派对，问她她是做什么的，看看她对什么感到兴奋－－松鼠啊、糖果饼干啊、随便什么的...

...fleas. ...跳蚤啊。