Do you think the chef will send an amuse-bouche to the table? 你觉得主厨会送咱们一份开胃菜吗？

No, but this morning I shaved a smiley face into my bush, and it's very amusing. 不会，不过今早我"那里"剃了个笑脸出来，也很开怀哦。

You know what? It's just so fun to get dressed up and have someone wait on us for a change. 你知道吗？盛装打扮一番，然后让别人来服务我们，真的很好玩。

I even bought new panty hose from dooahnay rayahdey. 我还特意从"装腰店"买了一双新的连裤袜。

You mean Duane Reade? 你是说药妆店吧？

Oh, is that how you pronounce it? 那店是这么叫的吗？

Well, we're here. Better get in line. 我们到了，快去排队。

Oh, there's a line. Popular place. What's the name? 哇，还要排队，很受欢迎嘛。餐厅名叫什么？

"Soup kitchen." That's a cute name. Very Williamsburg. "施粥坊"。名字真可爱。有威廉斯堡的穷酸感。

Like, "let's take our upscale urban bistro and make it seem like it's just a soup kitchen open to everyone, 感觉像"老板故意把高档小餐馆，弄得像是为大众开放的食物救济站，

but it's not really a soup kitchen." 但其实不然。"

Oh, that's nice. They let them use the bathroom. And sit at a table. 真好，这家店的厕所谁都能用。桌子也谁都能坐。

Oh, my god! This is really a soup kitchen. 天啊，这就是一家食物救济站。

This is your idea of treating me to lunch? We're not homeless. 你说请我吃饭，就是来这里吃吗？我们又不是无家可归的人。

No, but we are soup-less. And it's not just homeless people who eat here. 但我们是无汤可喝的人啊。而且又不是只有无家可归的人来这里吃饭。

Okay, maybe they're the target audience. 好吧，或许他们是主要客群。

Look, there's a lot of other people who can't afford to go out to eat. 瞧，这里还有很多其他人也没钱下馆子吃饭。

You're right. Why are there so many hipsters here? 你说得对。为什么这里这么多嬉皮士？

Because this place isn't just for people who don't have jobs, it's for people who don't want them. 因为这里不但有没工作的人，也有不想工作的人。

Well, it does smell good. 好吧，闻起来还不错。

Excuse me. We'd like to take a look at your lunch menu. 打扰一下。我们想看看你的午餐菜单。

Menu changes every day. Also, there is no menu. There's, like, four things. 菜单每天都在变。而且我们这里没菜单。这里只有四种菜。

Oh, okay. So what do you recommend? 那好吧，你有什么好建议

Oh, what do I recommend? Don't share needles, and and use condoms. 要听听我的建议吗？别共用针头，记得要戴套。

But you didn't hear that last one from me. 不能跟人说我教你们戴套哦。

Are nuns even allowed to be sarcastic? 修女可以这么毒舌的吗？

If they are, I have some serious thinking to do about my future. 如果可以，那我要认真思考下未来的职业了。