I ran so fast, the librarian said, 我跑得超快，那个图书管理员说

"Stop running in the library," and I almost said, "This is different. I'm stealing." "不许在图书馆乱跑"，我差点就回他，"我不是跑着玩，我是偷书"。

Why are you still even looking through Martha Stewart living every month? 你为什么还每个月都看这本破杂志啊？

'Cause we might be mentioned in it. Martha said she hadn't forgotten about us. 因为她可能会在里面提到我们啊。玛莎说她没有忘记我们。

That's what my mother said, but I spent a whole day and night in that school parking lot. 我妈当年也是这么说的，最后老娘落得了在学校停车场等了整整一天一夜的下场。

Silver lining, I still know the whole rap part to TLC's Waterfalls. 不幸中的大幸是，我现在还会唱TLC乐队那首《瀑布》的说唱部分。

Well, I'm still holding out hope we're in this, even though I've been hurt two months in a row. 我还抱着我们会在书中出现的希望，虽然我已经连续两个月被伤透了心。

Oh, god, am I in an abusive relationship with a lifestyle guru? 天啊，我是不是跟一个指点生活的专家在谈一场虐恋啊？

Okay, let's get this over with. 好吧，我们快快过一遍。

"How to make him love your salmon." "如何让他爱上你做的鲑鱼"

"How to make him love your stretch marks." Hey, he just doesn't love you. "如果让他爱上你的妊娠纹"。拜托，他就是不爱你嘛。

Activia ad, activia ad, activia ad. 全是达能酸奶广告，广告，广告

We get it, Jamie Lee. You poop lot. 我们知道啦，杰米·李。你消化好排便畅。

"Get your oven Martha-clean," "Max's something cupcakes". Scarf, scarf, scarf. "让你的烤箱有如大师般洁净"，"麦克斯的什么小蛋糕"。桌布，桌布，桌布。

Wait, Max's cupcakes? You just said, "Max's something cupcakes." 慢着，麦克斯的小蛋糕？你刚是说"麦克斯的什么小蛋糕"吗？

I did? Wow, my ears are so not used to anything good coming out of my mouth. 是吗？我的耳朵还真不习惯听进我嘴里说出来的好话。

There. There. Look. "Max's homemade cupcakes is a Williamsburg must-have." 这里这里，你看。"麦克斯自制小蛋糕是威廉斯堡必尝好滋味"

What's this? What's my face doing? You're smiling, Max. No way! 这是什么，我的脸在干嘛？你在笑啊，麦克斯。不可能！

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It's a blurb. Everyone, we got a blurb In Martha Stewart Living. 天啊，天啊，这是商品宣传。各位，《玛莎生活杂志》在帮我们做宣传。

Can I get some more coffee? 能再给我来杯咖啡吗？

Are you insane? 你疯啦？

Hey, everyone. What's the excitement? Is it 'cause I'm here? 大家好啊。干嘛这么激动？是因为我来了吗？

Sophie, look, Max's homemade cupcakes got a blurb in Martha Stewart Living. 苏菲，快看，《玛莎生活杂志》在帮"麦克斯自制小蛋糕"做宣传哦。

Oh, that's funny, 'cause I got a blurb in New York Apartment Life. 真有意思，因为《纽约公寓杂志》也在帮我做宣传。

Look. "Sophie's choice cleaning service -- they clean like their life depends on it." 瞧  "苏菲的选择清洁公司，她们为了生活做牛做马，流血流汗"。

Well, that's not exactly the same. 那跟这个不一样啦。

No, 'cause, look, I got three plungers. Yeah, but I didn't want to brag. 当然不一样，瞧，我得到三个皮搋子。没错，我本来不想吹嘘的啦。

That must be andy wondering if I'm coming over to have sex tonight. Could my life get any better? 一定是安迪问我晚上要不要过去滚床单。我的人生还能再美好点吗？

Oh, my God. It could get better. There are, like, ten cupcake orders here. 天啊，还真能。我们有十个蛋糕订单。

Birthday, baby shower, bris. Can we do a bris? 生日派对，新生儿派对，割礼。我们可以接割礼吗？

Sure. I'll just make a little rosette foreskin and write around the outside, 当然，我做点玫瑰造型的包皮，然后在外面写上，

"Congratulations on not terrifying women in 20 years." "恭喜你，20年后不会吓着女人了"。