Please be good. Okay. She writes like she cooks. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. 拜托是篇好论文。好吧。她写作煮饭一样烂。拼字。拼字拼字。拼字拼字。

What are you doing? 你在干嘛

Trying to use a Jedi mind trick to control Stephen Hawking. Play.Play 试图用绝地念力来控制斯蒂芬·霍金，拼字，拼字

He must be wearing a Tin foil hat or something. 他肯定头戴着防念力锡纸帽什么的

I did a bad thing. Does it affect me?No. 我做了件坏事会影响到我吗？不会

Then suffer in silence. Play. Play. Play. Stephen Hawking... 那你默默忍受吧。拼字，拼字，拼字。史蒂芬·霍金...

Stephen Hawking... Stephen Hawking. 史蒂芬·霍金...史蒂芬·霍金

Penny started taking a class. 佩妮报读了一个班

She wrote a paper, she didn't want me to read it, I went behind her back and I read it anyway. 她写了篇论文  但不给我看但我背着她偷偷看完了

Stephen Hawking hates me. 史蒂芬·霍金讨厌我

I don't know what to do. 我不知道怎么办才好

I mean, the paper's terrible. 她那论文写的糟透了

But if I tell her, she'll know that I read it and she'll get really mad. 但如果我告诉她，她就知道我看过了她一定会很生气

I was beating him so bad, he doesn't want to be friends anymore. 我把他虐得太惨他不想跟我做朋友了

Why does everyone love me except Stephen Hawking? 大家都喜欢我，为何史蒂芬·霍金不这样呢

Is it possible we're having two different conversations? 咱俩讨论的貌似不是同一件事吧

How would I know? I'm not listening to you. 我怎么知道  我又没听你说什么

Hang on. Okay. Here's what we're gonna do. Chess clock. 等一下。有了，我们接下来这么干，赛棋钟

We each get five minutes to talk about our problems. We'll take turns. 我们每人有5分钟说自己的麻烦。轮流说

Each turn will consist of a statement and a helpful response from the friend. Begin. 每一轮包括自我陈述以及朋友提出的有益建议，计时开始

I humiliated Stephen Hawking in a game of Words with Friends. 我在《填字游戏》中虐了史蒂芬·霍金

He stopped playing. And now we're not friends anymore. He's probably busy. 结果他不玩了，现在我们已不再是朋友了，他可能很忙呢

You're worried about nothing. Give it a couple more days. 你没必要担心，再给他几天时间

I'm sure he'll play, and you'll see that everything's fine. My turn. 他会玩的  你就会发现一切都没事，到我了

I can't let Penny hand in a bad paper, but how do I tell her it's bad without letting her know that I read it? 我不能让佩妮交这么一篇烂论文但我如何告诉她这件事又不让她知道我已经看了呢

Beats me. Now... I know Hawking's not busy because I can see he's playing other people right now. 这难倒我了，现在...我知道霍金根本没在忙因为我能看到他在跟其他人玩呢

Maybe since you're so good, he's taking his time to meet the challenge. 也许你太强了他得花时间去思考该怎么下

I want Penny to enjoy school... Wolowitz told me he's a big baby! 我希望佩妮能享受在学校...沃罗威茨告诉我他是个大孩子

But I didn't know that, and I played "Extract" for 82 points. 但我又不知道这事我连成了"Extract"这个词  得了82分

It's all Amy's fault. She told me to play it. 都是艾米的错  她让我拼这词的

I have got to cut her loose. 我得跟她割席断交

Sheldon, I wasn't done talking. 谢尔顿  我还没说完呢

She hands in the paper tomorrow. 她明天就要交论文了

I know I could help her. 我知道我帮得了她

And she's my girlfriend... II should be allowed to help her. 她是我女朋友...她，她应该准我帮她

Why aren't I allowed to help her? Yeah, I hear you, brother. No. 为什么就不准我帮她呢？我懂你的烦恼，兄弟，不行

You need to give me some advice. Fine. Women, huh? No... 你需要给我点建议。行啊，女人嘛，是吧？不行...

Specific to my situation. Blonde women, huh? 要针对我的情况给建议。金发女人嘛，是吧？

Empathetic! It sucks to be you.I quit. 设身处地的建议算你倒霉呗，我不玩了

Leonard, wait. No. I listened to your dumb thing. 莱纳德，等下。不要嘛我都听完了你的蠢事。

Leonard, come back. Leonard, come back. Leonard, come back. 莱纳德，快回来！莱纳德，快回来！莱纳德，快回来！

What? Oh, of course, it only works on the weakminded. 干啥？难怪呢，只有意志薄弱的人才会被操控

Good morning, sunshine. Leonard. It's 8:00 a.M. 早安，阳光小美女。莱纳德。才早上8点

It's like the middle of the night. 相当于三更半夜啊

I know, but I have to go to work, and I made you breakfast. 我知道，但我得去上班了。我给你做了早餐

Oh, wow, that's so sweet. 哇哦！这太贴心了

Hey, what's this? Uh, before you open that, um, are you familiar with the story of"The Shoemaker and the Elves"? 这是什么？在你打开之前我想问你听过一个童话叫"精灵和鞋匠"吗

Elves? Come on, Leonard. It's too early for Lord of the Rings. No, no. Listen, um... 精灵吗？拜托，莱纳德。现在看《指环王》也太早了吧。不，不。听我说

Once upon a time, there was this shoemaker and when he went to bed at night, elves would sneak in 很久很久以前，有一个鞋匠他晚上上床睡觉后，精灵们会偷偷地

and they would make all these amazing shoes for him. 趁他入睡时  做漂亮的鞋子给他卖

And when the shoemaker woke up in the morning, 当鞋匠第二天一早醒来时

he he would be super happy, not mad at the elves at all. Open it. Okay. 他...他会非常开心一点也不责怪小精灵们，打开吧。好吧

"An examination of the economic, cultural, and political roots of slavery in the Old South: 1619 to 1865." 1619至1865年  南北战争前从经济，文化，政治分析旧南方地区奴隶制度的根源

What the hell is this? Don't ask me. A little elf did it. 这是什么鬼东西？别问我，是一个小精灵做的

So let me get this straight. 让我理理清楚

You just assumed my paper would be bad so you wrote one for me? 你没看就猜我的文章会很糟所以你写了份新的给我吗？

No, I assumed it would be good. Then I read it. 不  我猜你的文章会很棒  所以我看了

What?!No, I... I mean, it was good. 什么？不是  我...我是说，的确不错

There were just a few things that needed a little polishing. 只是还有点地方需要稍加润色

W... You changed every word. That's not true. "Slavery." "1619," your name at the top that's all you. 什么啊？你把每个词都改了。那不是事实。"奴隶制""1619年"还有上面你的名字，都是你写的呀

You are such an ass. 你真是个混蛋

This is exactly why I didn't want to tell you I was taking a class in the first place. 这就是为何我报读时没第一时间告诉你的原因

Please don't be upset. II just... 请别生气  我只是...

I didn't want you ending up with a bad grade and get discouraged and give up on the idea of going back to school. 我只是不希望你得分太低然后灰心丧气，就不再想继续学业了

Right, because me being in school is so important to you. 是哦  因为我上学对你来说太重要了

That way, you wouldn't have to be dating someone who's only a waitress. 这样的话，你约会的对象就不仅仅是个服务员

Oh, come on, you know that's not true. 拜托  你知道我不是这个意思

Do I? Listen to me. I need to do this on my own. 是吗？听好了。读书这事得靠我自己

If I fail, I fail. If I pass, I pass. Do you get it? 挂科就挂科，及格就及格，你明白了吗？

I'm sorry. I was just trying to help. Yeah, well, next time don't. 抱歉，我只是想帮忙。下次别帮了

Oh, and since you like stories so much, this is not "The Shoemaker and the Elves," okay? 还有，既然你这么喜欢讲故事，这不是《鞋匠与精灵》明白吗？

This is, "Give a man a fish, he eats it. 这是  "给人一条鱼  他就吃了

Teach a man to fish, he... sells it or something." Whatever, I don't know! 教会他捕鱼，他...会卖鱼什么的"随便啦我不知道

It's just a lot better than what you did, you big jerk! 那也比你强多了  你个大混蛋

You ever hear back from Hawking? No. 霍金那边有消息吗？没有

It would appear as if I've lost him. Stupid brain. It'll be okay. 看来我失去他这朋友了，笨大脑。没事的

How can it be okay? 怎么会没事

Stephen Hawking's a genius and he talks like a robot. 史蒂芬·霍金是天才说话又跟机器人一样

It's everything I've ever wanted in a friend. 这可是我理想中的完美朋友

Yeah, but if he's a sore loser, maybe you're better off without him. You're right. 但如果他这人输不起没这个朋友也罢，有道理

I guess I just have to make lemonade out of the two of you. 我想我只有尽力把你俩变成柠檬水了生活给了你柠檬(苦难)你就把它变成柠檬水(幸福)

He played! He played! Coop and Rolling Thunder are together again. 他拼字了,他拼字了。鸡笼弟和雷霆之轮哥又和好了。

He was okay with that nickname. 他对这个绰号没意见

So, now all you have to do is let him win. 你现在只要放水让他赢就行了

Way ahead of you. I will play the word "At" 早想到了，我会拼"At"在

for two measly points, throwing the game and thus securing my friendship with the smartest man in the world. 获得微不足道的两分，输掉比赛以巩固我和世上最聪明的人的友谊

What are you waiting for? Hit "Send." I can't. 你等什么呢？提交答案啊？下不了手

Losing on purpose is intellectually dishonest. So don't do it. 故意放水是智慧上的欺诈，那就别这样

Oh, but I want to be Hawking's friend. So do it. 可我想做霍金的朋友，那就快发啊

No, but if I do, I'll be a phony, a sellout, a Hollywood poser. 但如果这样做，我就是个伪君子没节操像好莱坞明星一样假

Then don't do it. I won't. This feels right. 那就别这样做我不会，这样感觉才对

My mother always said, "to thine own self be true." Good for you. 我妈总是说，对自己要诚实。好样的

'Course she also told me that every animal in the world got on one boat, so what does she know? And send. 她也告诉我全世界的动物上了一条船。她懂什么呀？发送诺亚方舟

Haven't heard from you in a couple days.You still mad at me? Nope. 几天没见到你了？你还在生我的气吗？没

I have no reason to... "B" mad at you.Minus. 我没有理由生你的气(谐音be mad at you)B

That's right. On my paper. 没错,我的论文

Not yours, mine, you punkass elf. 不是你的  是我的得了B  你这个混蛋精灵

I don't know what to say. 我不知道说什么好

Hmm, how about, "Gee, Penny, you're smarter than I thought. 这样说"老天  佩妮  你比我想象中要聪明

You may be the one in school, but I'm the one who learned a lesson. 虽说上学的是你但学到一课的是我

I'm so stupid, Penny. Duh..." She sounds exactly like you! 我好蠢，佩妮，真滴"她学你学得惟妙惟肖啊

How'd it go with Leonard? 莱纳德有啥反应

I don't think he'll be making that mistake again. Good. 我想他不会再犯这种错误了，太好了

So, I know this goes without saying, but if either of you tell Leonard you helped me rewrite this paper, I will beat you both with a bag of oranges. 我知道我这是多此一举但如果你们告诉莱纳德你们帮我重写了论文我会用一袋橙子打爆你们俩

Got it.Understood. Now, ladies, we got a Bminus on this paper. 知道，明白。姐妹们，这次论文得了B

I think if we put our heads together, on the next one we could get an "A." 我认为如果我们一起努力下次就会得个A

Uh, but we got you a Bminus on purpose to make it believable. Believable? 可我们是故意让你得B的，这样才可信。可信

You saying I'm not smart? 你是说我不聪明吗

No, no! You're smart. That's better. 不是！你很聪明。这还差不多

I feel like I'm in high school again. 感觉我又回到了高中

Yeah, doing the prom queen's homework so she'll like us. I know. 对，帮舞会皇后做功课。这样她才喜欢我们。是啊

It's finally working. It's Stephen Hawking. 这招终于管用了。是史蒂芬·霍金

Answer it. I want to hear. 快接，我想听

Professor Hawking, how nice of you to call. Hello. 霍金教授很高兴你打电话过来。你好

I really enjoyed our game, Dr. Cooper. Oh, me, too. 我玩游戏玩得很开心，库珀博士。我也是

Or should I say Dr. Loser? Ha, ha, ha. 还是该叫你窝囊废博士呢？哈哈哈

Yes, congratulations. You won fair and square. 是的，恭喜你。你是实至名归的赢家

Uh, very impressive, sir. Do you like brain teasers? 非常厉害，先生？你喜欢"脑筋急转弯"吗？

Oh, I love brain teasers. What does Sheldon Cooper and a black hole have in common? 我爱玩"脑筋急转弯"谢尔顿·库珀与黑洞有什么共同点？

They both suck. Neener neener. 都很烂气死你！气死你！