That gets applause? I just finished the Friday crossword puzzle and nothing. 那就能获得掌声吗？我刚做完了周五的纵横字谜，大家毫无反应。

I guess everyone knows Herbert Hoover's middle name. 所有人都知道总统赫伯特·胡佛的中间名吗。

Look what I got -- a throne for our little king. 看看我买了什么...我们小国王的宝座。

Do we have to put the toilet on the counter? I take my afternoon coffee here. 非得把马桶放在桌子上吗？我在这里喝午后咖啡的。

Let's fix one problem at a time. I've decided to potty-train Joe. 一次解决一个问题吧。我打算对乔进行如厕训练。

No, too soon. 不，太早了。

It's too soon for a Pearl Harbor joke, perfect time for this. 现在说珍珠港的笑话还太早，做如厕训练再合适不过了。

I don't want to rush him. Too much pressure and he will get traumatized. 我不想催促他。如果压力太大，他会受到精神创伤的。

He's grown up drinking from a breast bigger than his head. I don't think he scares easy. 他是喝着比自己头还大的胸部的奶长大的。我觉得他不容易被吓到。

The kid's ready, plus, if I'm being honest, I'm tired of buying diapers. 这孩子准备好了，而且要我说实话，我受够了买尿布。

Excuse me, where do you keep the diapers? 请问尿布在哪里？

Right over here, sir. 这边，先生。

You trying to be funny? 你在搞笑吗？

We have larger sizes. 我们还有更大的尺码。

He's gonna do great. 他会表现出色的。

Why wouldn't he? There's no one better than Joe, right? I'm better than Joe. 当然。没人比乔更棒了，对吧？我就比乔更棒。

At his age, I was counting to 10 in three languages. 在他那么大时，我就会用三种语言从一数到十了。

The bar is so low for that kid, except when they play limbo, they hold it up so high anybody can get under it. 那孩子的标准真低，除了他们玩过横棍的时候，他们把棍子举得好高，谁都能过去。

I didn't see you there. 我没看见你躺在这里呢。

Really? So, is that your creepy twin brother who's been staring at me from the window for the last week? 真的吗？上周一直在窗户里盯着我看的是你的变态双胞胎兄弟吗？

Uh, I could lie and say "Yes." You could pretend you weren't flattered, but why not just cut to the chase? 我可以撒谎然后说是。你可以装作你没觉得高兴，但我们何不直入主题呢？

And what would that be? 那是什么？

I could maybe touch something of yours? 我可以摸一摸你的一些东西吗？

Sure, and I could maybe kick something of yours. 当然啦，我也可以踢你的一些东西。

I like this tension. 我喜欢我们之间这么紧张。

Very "Will they, when will they?" 很有"他们会吗，什么时候？"的感觉。

Go back to your room, little boy. 回你的房间去，小男孩。

Got it. I'll see you from there. 知道了，我到上面去看你。