2019年经济学人 哭泣的白手帕(3)（在线收听）

哭泣的白手帕(3)

Yet she also feared the light. It was too hard to reveal this. She buried it deep in shame, and so did those closest to her. When she was reunited with her mother in the labour camp, lying tearful with relief in the hollow of her arms, and her mother stroked her bald head, bald because she had cut off her hair in a bid to make the officers avoid her, she briefly told her. Her mother could not cope with it, and they said nothing more.

但是，奥赫恩也害怕灯光。吐露这样的事情太艰难了。她深感羞愧，将它埋藏在心里，她最亲近的人也是一样。奥赫恩和自己的母亲重聚时，躺在母亲的怀里，松了一口气，泪流满面。母亲抚摸着她的秃头，她简短地告诉母亲，为了让军官们不去找她，自己剃了秃头。奥赫恩的母亲没办法应对这件事情，他们没再多说什么。

She told a priest, since she still hoped to be a nun, but he deflected her as something sullied. When she met Tom Ruff, the British soldier who became her husband, she spoke of it once, then never again. She longed to scream out the details of what had been done to her, but instead she was expected to get on with life as though nothing had. In a way, she succeeded. She and Tom married and moved happily to Adelaide. She did not want sex, but bore it, and after surgery to mend her she had her daughters. Their house was full of music, and she sang in choirs. When Tom became an invalid, her faith helped her bear that. Outwardly she was smiling and serene. Inside was another story.

她告诉一位牧师，她仍旧希望成为一名修女，但是牧师认为她已经被玷污了。当奥赫恩遇到后来成为她丈夫的英国士兵汤姆·拉夫时，她只说了一次，后来就再也没说过。她想要喊出自己遭遇的细节，但是她却被期望像什么也没有发生过一样继续过她的生活。在某种程度上，奥赫恩成功了。奥赫恩和汤姆结婚了，愉快地搬到阿德莱德。她不想做爱，她对此感到厌烦，手术后她又生了几个女儿。他们的家里充满音乐，而且奥赫恩在唱诗班唱歌。汤姆生病时，奥赫恩的信念帮她承受了这些。表面上她面带微笑，神态安详。在内心里又是另外一个故事。

All kinds of things reminded her, but especially the handkerchief in the drawer. A woman at the camp had passed it to her as she left for Semarang, and on the veranda of the brothelone evening, as they waited for that dreaded dark, she had asked the six other girls to sign it. Miep, Gerda, Els, Annie, Betty and Lies had written their names in pencil and she had sewn over them. Sometimes she would hold it to her face and cry.

所有这些东西都提醒着她，但是尤其是抽屉里的手帕。劳改营里的一个女人在她去三堡垄港市的时候把手帕给了她，那之前，他们在妓院的阳台上等待着那可怕的黑暗时，她让其他的六个女孩在手帕上签了名。梅普、格尔达、埃尔斯、安妮、贝蒂和利斯用铅笔写了他们的名字，她把它们缝了起来。有时她会用手帕捂着脸哭泣。