时代周刊 吸毒日记(4)（在线收听）

For some first responders, the recurring calls to the same addresses, the same victims, have created a calloused distance.

对一些急救人员而言，经常呼叫相同的地址，打电话给相同的受害者，会让他们对受害者变得冷漠。

For others, it has had the opposite effect.

而对于其他人而言，效果却恰好相反。

"We’ve become like hospice nurses," says Rader’s colleague Kishbaugh, the firefighter diagnosed with PTSD.

“感觉我们成了临终关怀护士，”雷德的同事基士堡说，他也是一名消防员，而且被诊断出患有创伤后应激障碍。

"We’ve hardened ourselves against severed limbs and burnt bodies, but it’s eating me up seeing the kids."

“我们已经把自己变得麻木，看到尸体被肢解或烧焦的场面已经不会有反应了，但看到孩子被折磨成那样还是会很揪心。”

The pain is deepest for the families of users, whose lives are swept up in a cycle of fear and hope, shame and despair.

不过，最痛苦的还是要数吸毒人群的家人。因为他们的生活已经被反复的恐惧和希望，羞耻和绝望吞噬得所剩无几。

They try to cope, but often never escape.

他们试过面对，但往往还是在劫难逃。

"I felt embarrassed, like ‘What did I do?’" says Justine Gingras-Gagnon,

“我觉得很尴尬，'我到底做了什么？'”贾丝廷·金格拉斯·加尼翁说到，

whose 24-year-old daughter Michaela struggled with addiction before she died in September.

9月，她24岁的女儿米凯拉去世了，在那之前，米凯拉一直在毒瘾中挣扎。

"Even though she was drug addicted, she was just so alive.

“即使她吸毒上瘾，她还是那么活泼。

She was funny, she was smart.

她有趣，也很聪明。

She was a 5-ft.1-in., 103-lb.dynamite."

身高1米55，体重93斤，身材非常好。

The actor Philip Seymour Hoffman, who fatally overdosed after years of battling addiction, left behind a family.

演员菲利普·西摩·霍夫曼，在与毒瘾斗争多年之后服用过量惨遭不幸，留下了他的家人。

"When Phil died four years ago, I was so overwhelmed, vulnerable and cracked open that anger became my protective shield, the only thing between me and collapse,"

“四年前菲尔走的时候，我悲痛欲绝，脆弱极了，我的心被撕开了一道口子，愤怒成了我的外衣，成了让我没有崩溃的唯一原因，”

wrote Hoffman’s wife Mimi O’Donnell, in an essay for this project.

霍夫曼的妻子米米··奥唐纳在为本项目创作的文章中写道。

"I wondered if I had talked to more people, asked for more help—screamed louder—if it would have saved his life."

“我就想，如果能挽救他的生命，我会不会去求更多人，会不会想更多办法，会不会再拼命一点。”

Billy Merrifield, a captain with the Rio Arriba County sheriff’s office in New Mexico, knows that feeling well.

比利·梅里菲尔德，新墨西哥州里奥阿里巴县治安官办公室的队长，对此深有体会。

He has spent his career saving lives—but was unable to save his own daughter.

整个职业生涯中他一直在救人 - 最终却没能挽救自己女儿的性命。

"I’ve experienced a ton," he says, "but you can’t prepare for it when it comes to your own child."

“我曾无数次出生入死，”他说，“但当它发生在你自己孩子身上的时候，一切准备都变成了徒劳。”

IN THE ABSENCE OF A MAJOR NATIONAL INITIATIVE,

在没有大型国家项目的情况下，

PEOPLE ACROSS THE COUNTRY HAVE gone to extraordinary lengths to help where they can.

整个国家的人们都在不遗余力地献出自己的一份力。

They bring food, medical supplies and clean needles to kids living on the streets of San Francisco, in the shadow of the tech world’s billionaire dream factories.

为流落在旧金山街头，生活在科技界亿万富翁梦工厂阴影之下的孩子们带去食品，医疗用品和干净的针头。

They work to steer people into treatment programs and out of the overburdened and ill-equipped prison system.

努力引导人们接受治疗方案，走出人满为患，且条件落后的监狱。

They adopt their own grandchildren, or foster kids whose own families can no longer care for them.

收养自己的儿孙，收养原生家庭无力照顾的其他孩子。

They open their own homes to pregnant users,

为有孕在身的吸毒人群敞开家门，

offering them a reason to believe that their life—and their child’s—can be different.

给他们相信自己，以及自己的孩子，可以过不一样的生活的理由。