时代周刊:“不好也没关系” 哺乳期妈妈需体谅(2)（在线收听）

I gave birth with no complications.

生孩子的时候没有出现并发症。

I had reliable childcare.

请了可靠的托儿服务。

I wasn't experiencing postpartum sadness or anxiety.

也没有经历产后抑郁或焦虑。

I was checking things off my list at work, albeit sometimes because I was finishing them in the evening.

工作按部就班地来，尽管有时还是会拖到晚上。

I'd also done this before.

这事我以前也不是没干过。

But as soon as my friend said it, I felt relief.

但我朋友一说出来，我反倒觉得轻松了。

Of course.

当然。

Those two words, so matter-of-fact, validated an experience I didn't fully realize I was having.

这两个字，她说得那么的实事求是，反倒成了我自己都没有充分意识到的当前生活状态的佐证。

If you ask whether a woman has "bounced back" after pregnancy, people know what you mean:

如果你问一个女人是否已从孕期“恢复过来”，大家不会不明白你的意思：

Has she, after carrying and delivering a baby, returned to her previous size and shape?

她，在怀完孩子，生完孩子之后，有没有恢复到原来的身材和体型？

The question is not just shallow, it's lazy, focusing on what can be ascertained with a glance.

这个问题不止肤浅，还很懒惰，因为它关注的只是一眼就能得出答案的东西。

Less discussed–and harder to answer– is whether a new mom has "bounced back" in other ways.

而大家更少讨论，也更难回答的是，新手妈妈在其他方面是否已经“恢复过来”。

Between changing hormones, erratic sleep and trying to keep alive a brand-new human while relying on trial, error and Google, what does O.K. even mean?

激素水平变了，睡眠不规律了，还要靠试错和谷歌搜索养活刚来到人世的一位人类，如此种种，究竟怎样才算“还好”？

But unspoken as it may be, the expectation for many women is that at a time when you're just trying to hold it all together,

尽管大家似乎都已心照不宣，社会对很多妈妈的期望都是，就算这个时候你在很努力地维持体面，

you must somehow figure out how to pick up where you left off.

你也必须自己想办法弄清楚如何从休假那天迎头赶上。

Some of the pressure is societal:

社会也是哺乳期妈妈压力的来源：

for women fortunate enough to have time off, once you go back to work, you’re right back in it.

有产假的那部分女性还算幸运，因为复工的时候你还能直接回原岗位工作。

The fact that your baby is cluster-feeding or staging a sleep strike is not really an excuse for missing a deadline.

但无论是你的宝宝还处在密集喂食阶段，还是它正处在睡眠罢工阶段，都不是你错过截止日期的正当理由。

But the haze of new motherhood has a way of warping your own perception of what you should be able to handle.

然而，初为人母的迷糊会扭曲你的认知，对自己应该具备怎样的能力的认知。

When getting through the day requires a certain amount of autopilot (and coffee),

当你需要靠身体的肌肉记忆（和咖啡）才能维持一天的运转的时候，

there’s not a ton of time to reflect on what caring for a new life while meeting the demands of your own is doing to you.

你并不会有太多时间去反思拥抱新生活的同时还要满足自己的需求给你带来了多大的负担。

With a passing comment, my friend helped me see my own situation more clearly.

朋友的一句无心之语反倒让我看清了我自己的处境。

Now when friends with young babies confess that they’re struggling,

现在，但凡有带小宝宝的朋友跟我吐槽她们感觉力不从心，

even though they’re getting back into a routine, even though nothing is technically wrong,

即便已经回归原来的生活轨迹，即便严格来说并没有出现什么问题，他们依然感觉力不从心时，

I tell them about the night I accidentally dined and dashed.

我都会跟她们讲我吃完饭就冲出了餐厅的那个夜晚的故事。

Sometimes we need someone to assure us that things are going to be O.K.

有时，我们需要有人对我们说，一切都会好起来的，让我们安心。

Other times what we really need to hear is that in that moment, they’re not supposed to be.

但有时，我们真正想听的是，那种情况，过得不好才是正常的。