西部落：女人为什么会撒谎 II（在线收听）

Why women lie

Author Susan Shapiro Barash and relationship expert Argie Allen discuss the reasons females are carrying around deep, dark secrets.

And so obviously women do it deliberately. They think about it.

Well, you, you interviewed, uh.. I guess you put it on Craigslist. Right ? You asked women to contact. And, well, how many you did? Five hundred?

I actually have a contact list, I used 500 women's. I actually had more women than that. To answer the item, they were from all across the country, different ages; social strata; ethnicity and they all started the interview by saying to me: “Yes, I lie in some way. I feel I have to. ”

And they all what.. they lie about everything from sex to marriage, to work, to finances, everything, across the board. You have one woman who talked about shoplifting with her kids. Tell me about that.

That was a disturbing story. This was a young woman who had young children. And she thought if she got caught she could account for it. So she said she would put them in a cart. She would take them and she would steal small things and she thought if they stopped her she would say: “ Well, it was such a hectic day and I have my children with me.” That’s an acceptable lie when you think you can explain it that way.

So , Argie when it starts going down that path, it can be very very dangerous. And you say what you need to do is get to the root of the problem. The root of the problem is that, the secret or the lie or..?

The root of the problem is the secret, not necessarily the lie. The lie is the behavior. But many people, just as Susan said, we're trained to lie. And most people as you say. You know how many people have never lied? If they tell you they’ve never lied, that’s lying because most people have lied about something. So get to the root of the problem which is the secret and why they are perpetuating a lie. And it might be that their mother or their father who never, you know, don’t hurt their feelings, or every woman has to have their mad money. And really in all reality that then perpetuates the practice of a lie. But really it’s the secret and secret keeping, that’s not good for us.

And it actually can have an effect on your health.

Yeah, absolutely. When you think about it, holding a lie like perhaps maybe you are having an affair or holding a lie that you are mismanaging the money. That can have a toll on you physically, emotionally, spiritually and if you are holding those big secrets then you’re moving away from your own truth.

But all women kept so good at the lie and that they just lay the lie. (Again, it is dangerous)They have to really face it and says just isn’t helpful anymore. It’s harming me. It’s harming someone close to me.

But when you have so many layers, it’s awfully hard to peel them back and finally reveal the truth. Because your whole life is living.

That’s the problem. And that’s this lie that once enabled to you is now not helping . For instance, I interviewed a woman her brother was a drug-addict. So she gave him money and her mother gave him money. But finally they had to face that he needed help and that they weren’t helping him and that the family secret has to be let out.

And before we go, I mean men lie, too. That’s the. Right about that.

Not just women.

They are just not as good either.

Well, they don’t think necessarily through, but my thing is tell somebody about it. Especially if it’s a deep dark secret, you've got let that go because otherwise that’s gonna hold on to you. And it will affects the rest of your relationship.

At least tell one person. Alright, Argie, thank you very much. Susan as well.

很明显，女性是故意撒谎的。她们想这样。

那么，你采访了那么多。我猜你一定将它放在了克雷斯名单的后面。是吗？你让女性联系你。那么，有多少人联系你了呢？500？

实际上，我有一份联系人名单，我用了其中500个。实际上，我能联系到的超过500个。让我来回答这个问题，这些女性来自全国各地，来自不同的阶层，不同的种族。她们开始接受我的采访时总是先说：“是的，有时候我会说谎。我感觉我不得不说谎。”

她们都……关于任何事情都会说谎，包括性，婚姻，工作，财政，任何事情。你的采访对象中有一名女子跟她的孩子谈论了商店盗窃的问题。请告诉我一下详细情况。

这是一个很烦扰的故事。这名年轻女子有几个年幼的孩子。她认为如果她盗窃时被抓，可以利用孩子脱身。所以，她说，她会将孩子放进购物车内，偷一些小东西，如果被抓住了，她会说：“我太匆忙了，因为我带着孩子们呢。”如果你认为可以这样解释，这个谎言还是可以接受的。

一旦开始沿着这条路走下去，将会非常非常危险。你说，你需要做的是解决问题根源。问题的根源是，秘密或谎言……

问题的根源是秘密，而不一定是谎言。谎言是行为。但是许多人，就好象Susan说的，被训练说谎。就像你说的，大部分人都是这样。你知道，有多少人从来没说过谎？如果说他们从来没说过谎，他一定是在说谎。因为大部分人都在某件事上说过谎。所以，必须找到问题的根源——秘密，以及为什么会发展成谎言。可能他们的父母从来没有伤害过他们的感觉，或者每个女人都必须有他们自己的筹码。但是如果有秘密，而且一直保守秘密，这对我们并不好。

这会对影响你的健康。

是的，当然。当你想到这的时候，比如，你有一个秘密，可能你有恋爱关系，或者挪用公款。这会对你身体上，情绪上，精神上造成影响。如果你在保守那些大秘密，你会逐渐远离真实。

但是所有女人都很善于撒谎。（再次说明，这非常危险。）她们必须正确面对，这对任何人都没有好处，这会伤害到我，这会伤害到我周围的人。

但是如果你说了很多谎话，要收回谎话，澄清事实将是非常困难的。因为你的整个生活都是谎言。

这就是问题。以前曾经对你有好处的谎话现在已经不再有益。比如，我采访了一名女子，她的弟弟是吸毒者。她和她的母亲都给他钱。但是，最终她们发现，他需要帮助，她们并没有真正帮助到他，整个家庭的秘密必须公开。

我必须说，男人也会说谎。非常正确。

并不只是女人说谎。

男人说谎也不好。

他们可能不会认真去向，但是我要告诉大家这一点。尤其是，如果你在保守一个大秘密，必须说出来，否则你会收到伤害，也会影响到其他和你有关系的人。

至少要告诉一个人。好的，非常感谢Argie和Susan。