Mike: Ah, perfect! O, Ben! Ben!
Ben: What?
Mike: Hey, Ben, look! I need your help, OK? Here's what I want you to do, first...
Ben: Is this gonna get me in trouble again?
Mike: Ben, I'm your elder brother. No, I'd never get you into trouble.
Maggie: Hi, guys!
Ben: Hi, mom.
Mike: Hey, mom!
Maggie: Who left the paper scattered all over the sofa?
Mike: He did.
Ben: What?
Mike: Don't worry mum, I'll clean it up then I'll explain to little Ben where he went astray.
Maggie: I’m sorry. I thought this was Seaver home.
Ben: That’s gonna cost you.
Mike: Yeah, all right, all right. Ben, look. If you help me out tonight, I’ll do your homework for
you.
Ben: You’ll do my homework? Mike, I can’t afford it.
Mike: Ok, all right, look. I’ll pay ya
Ben: A hundred bucks.
Mike: 200 bucks
Ben: Deal! What do you want me to do?
Mike: Ok, first. Come here. Now I want you to get Dad down here, and have him sit on the
sofa right here, Ok? And then ask him a question.
Ben: About what?
Mike: It doesn't matter. Anything. Just tell him you wanna talk to him. Dad’s pushing over
when one of us wants to open the channels of communication.
Ben: Then what?
Mike: I’ll take it from there, thanks.
Ben: Dad! Dad!
Jason : What?
Ben: Will you uh, sit right here and explain sex to me?
Jason: Now?
Ben: I’ve got to know by 5 o’clock.
Jason: You’ve been watching Dr. Ruth again. All right, Ben, look…
Mike: Hey, guys! Ah, dinner smells great, Dad. I see you’ve been reading the paper. Anything
interesting?
Jason: Well…I…
Mike: Ah! Very interest… Dad. Did you know that teenage drivers with drivers’ education have
incredibly good safety records?
Jason: Ahhhh…
Mike: And Dad, would you believe what they says here? Car insurance fares for teenage boys
are at their lowest level in years.
Jason: Would you believe that, Ben?
Ben: You got to admit it. The guy is smooth.
Mike: Ahhhh! Dad, look at this. My dream car, 1972 V.W red top for a mere 2795.
Jason: Um, but not smooth enough. Come on, Mike. We’ve been through all this before. Now
We’re not gonna buy you a car. You are going to have to prove that you are responsible
enough to own a car by earning the money for it. And since that means getting a job it’s
conceivable you won’t own a car in our lifetime!
Mike: Hey! Great news, Dad! I got a job. Yeah. I start working tomorrow afternoon at the
World of Burgers. Here’s a proud consent for my work permit. Just sign here.
Ben: Like I said, the man is smooth.
(Music)
Mike: Why can't I have parents who yell?
Karol: What you do this time?
Mike: Ha! For your information, they just having a meeting deciding whether let me take a job
at World of Burgers.
Karol: Somebody hired you?
Mike: Oh, fine, fine. Go ahead and laugh. But I just happen to know that Mom and Dad have
great deal of faith in me.
(In the room)
Jason: I have no faith what so ever that he can handle both job and school.
Maggie: So we agree.
Jason: At the same time, we can’t just give up on him.
Maggie: You’re going to say that for the first time in his life he wants to work for something,
so why don’t we give him the chance.
Jason: Yes, and…
Maggie: And you think that getting this job could be a turning point for him.
Jason: Yes, and then…
Maggie: I know. And you think when you love your kids it involves some risks.
Jason: Exactly! Do I think anything else?
Maggie: No, that about covers it.
Jason: Well, I think I know what you gonna say, too. You are gonna say that with this job he's
gonna forget about his school completely. And then we've got a drop-out with a car and a lot
of time on his hands.
Maggie: All right.
Jason: And then the first time he takes that car out he’s gonna meet a 23-year-old woman.
And then he’s gonna quit his job because he has no time for burgers any more, you know
what I mean? Coz all what he wants to do is drive, and he wants to drive so fast coz he's
going to Lovers Lane. Yet he’s gonna to Lovers Lane so fast that the car spins out of control
and hits another car-bomb! And there’s a bull, but that’s another story. And even though
nobody’s hurt, thank Godness, Ah, Mike’s still in trouble. Woo…He let us car insurance expire.
No! And next, look out at the door. there she is a 23-year-old woman. Yes, that one. And here
she is, heavy with child. Yes, and she wants to marry Mike now. Now we got a kid with a kid,
and no job, no income, no insurance and no future.
Maggie: You read my mind.
Jason: Huh, you think you're over-reacting just a little?
Maggie: Huh, me?
Jason: Ok, we both see both sides of the question.
Maggie: So what do we do?
Jason: Well we do with any sensative, loving caring parents would do. And I call heads.
(he opens the door)
Maggie: Ah, Dad! Ah, you know, I, ah, just picking up this glass, someone throws it on the
floor, probably Ben.
Jason: Well, we were just discussing your job.
Maggie: Job? What job? O, World of Burgers. It just slipped my mind, you know, I’ve been
studying so hard.
Jason: Umm. Well, Mike. We’ve been giving careful consideration of both sides of this question.
And after carefully considering it, we think that we will be taking a great chance. But, we're
gonna sign those papers…
Maggie: Yeah! All right! Dad, you guys will not regret this!
Jason: You just make sure your grades don’t…
Mike: You know, Mom, Dad. I will promise I will make a solid D average.
Jason: I think we were hoping for something more.
Mike: Oh, wait. Whatever you want? D-plus grade. YEAH~!
Maggie: Jason, this nickel has two heads.
Jason: What’s your point?
(In W.O.B)
Scooter: Now, e, this is the beverage center. Ok. Large. Extra large. Colossal.
M: Ah~! Woo!
Scooter: No, no. This is colossal, and this is Woo.
M: Oh!
Terry: Excuse me, Mr. Krassener
Scooter: Now, Terry. I told you before. I like my employees call me by my first name.
Terry: Ok. Scooter. I think those watch-you-ma-callit things are clogged
Scooter: Not the Greace traps?
Terry: That’s it.
Scooter: Oh my God! Excuse me.
M: Hi.
Terry: Hi. Are you new here, too?
M: Yes, its my first day.
Terry: It’s my second. I don’t know. It’s all so… complex.
Mike: Are you kidding?
Terry: Mr. Krassner, Scooter, Says if I really apply myself, I could get to be employee of the
month. Just like Joey Scavuglio
Mike: Duh, its a dream
Little girl: Titanic Cheese Burger, considerable fries and a Woo beer, a diet quota.
Mike: You talkin to me?
Little girl: Oh, brother…
Mike: ok. No sweat, I can handle this, Ok.
Little girl: That’s a colossal. I said, a Woo.
Mike: O! Right. Sorry. All right with you. Ou! Ha, ha, ha, ha…
Little girl: You forgot my Titanic Burger.
Mike: Right. You’re right.Be right with you in just a ...
Little girl: Amateurs.
Mike: Ok. That’s one Mad House no nuts, one Titanic Burger, hold the ice burg lettuce, with
one considerable fries, two ice teas, one Woo, one colossal no ice, one patti melt-down with
nuclear dressing. Fries on the side
Jason: I knew it was right, ...Look at him go.
Maggie: Patti melt-down
Karol: I'll bet five dollars he messes up to change.
Ben: I’ll take that action.
Mike: Nine and ten. Thank you and as we say at WOB, don’t get any onion. O! What a
charming little family here. Welcome to the World of Burgers! How may I help you?
Jason: Well, we just came to look.
Mike: Well, you got to order something, Dad.
Bike: Ok. I'll take a meal on a stick...
Maggie: No, you don’t. No junk food.
Mike: Mom…
Maggie: We had a nice dinner already at home. I don’t want him loading up on grease.
Karol: Double or nothing, he's out of here in 10 minutes.
Jason: Mike, we've just never have an employee of the month in our family. We just came
down to see you work.
Maggie: I’ve always been a sucker for a man in uniform.
Jason: Yeah, you have?
Maggie: Mike, we have a little surprise for you.
Jason: Oh, a little surprise.
Maggie: Anyway. Be sure you come straight home after work. OK?
Mike: Ok.
Scooter: Hi! I’m the manager. Is there a problem here?
Jason: No, none whatsoever. I was down here for breakfast this morning, and this young man
gave me such incredible service. I just wanted to bring the whole family down to meet him in
person. So kids, we’d better be going. But, I want you to remember this day, always.
Terry: Mike, I don’t know what to do. This guy wants extra ketchup. I tried to talk him out of
it.
Mike: Terry, Terry, would you just relax.
Terry: I can’t relax. Mike, if I mess up again I'm out of here?
Mike: You’re not gonna mess up, Ok?
Scooter: Terry! Your register draw is open!
Mike: Ah, look, Scooter. That’s my fault. Since you just came back from a break and I was
handling both registers while she was gone.
Scooter: Mike? I, I, I don’t believe it! You’re the employee of the month!
Mike: Yeah, look, I’m sorry. Scooter, look, I have learned my lesson, my heart is just beating a
mile a minute here.
Terry: Huh, Mike. That was so nice of you. If there is ever anything I could ever do for you,
Don’t hesitate to ask, Ok?
Mike: Well…
Scooter: Mike!
Mike: Oh, yes, Scooter!
Scooter: This cash register is 37 dollars short!
Mike: 37!
Scooter: I, I, I, I just don’t know what to say.
Mike: Look, Scooter, I’m sorry. It will not happen again.
Scooter: I know.
Mike: What does that mean?
Scooter: I’m sorry. My hands are tied. You, you’re fired.
(In the house)
Mike: Ah, fired! Mom… Dad? Dad something's happened today?
All: Surprise!
Maggie: A little something for our employee of the month.
Jason: Mike, we’re so proud of you!
(All speak at the same time.)
Jason: Mike's still sitting there behind the wheel with his mouth hanging wide open.
Karol: Has he start drooling yet?
Maggie: Carol, if you'd stop making fun for one second, you might learn from your brother’s
example.
Karol: I might learn from Mike?
Jason: Yes, his grades are up, he's doing very well at the job. And instead of wasting his
money on Scritty Polity records he saved almost all of it.
Karol: I have straight A's, I do all my chores around here and I’d sooner kill than spend a
nickel on Scritty Polity
Maggie: But you have always been a good kid.
Karol: That’s my crime?
Jason: Oh, Carol. What we're saying is that even a model child like you can learn something
from Mike’s accomplishment.
Karol: So if I'd spent my whole life as a total screw up, and then did just one thing right, I'd
be given a car too.
Mike: Wanted sales representative for international cosmetic firm. Looking for young
aggressive self-starter. Interested in 6,000 a month minimum, is fluent in Turkish. Always a
catch!
Ben: Take me to Disney World, step on it!
Mike: I’m gonna step on you!
Ben: You don’t look like a new responsible Mike.
Mike: Who said that?
Ben: Dad did on the way home from World of Burgers, and mom was crying.
Mike: Crying?
Ben: Well, like she did when Carol joined Mensa.
Mike: You know, life was a lot better when mom and dad thought I was garbage.
Ben: I think you’re garbage, Mike.
Mike: Thanks.
Ben: Can I stay?
Mike: Why not?
Ben: You wanna know how much the car cost?
Mike: No.
Ben: 2,605 dollars!
Mike: Ben!
Ben: Plus tax, license and dealer prep.
Mike: Look, if you say one more word of how proud they are of me, you gonna have to leave.
Ben: Ok.
Mike: I, I didn’t ask them to have faith in me, did I, right? Yes or no?
Ben: Um, no.
Mike: That’s right.
Ben: Good.
Mike: They should know I’m gonna find a way to mess things up, right? What’s the problem?
Ben: You messed up?
Mike: No!
Ben: Oh.
Mike: I mean. I’m not about to go in there and break their little hearts. I can’t do something
like that. Can I, Ben?
Ben: Sure.
Mike: No!
Ben: Ah, that’s what I meant.
Mike: So, now I have to do what I have to do.
Ben: Right.
Mike: Look, Ben. If you want to save yourself a lot of grief, don’t let mom and dad expect
great things from you. Let them know your a real disappointment now.
(music)
Jason: Maggie!
Maggie: Jason!
Jason and Maggie: Oh, you’re here.
Jason: Maggie!
Maggie: Jason!
Jason: Thought you were gonna answer.
Maggie: I thought you were.
Terry: I know you are in there. I can hear you.
Jason: Hello?
Terry: Hi! I’m Terry, is Mike home?
Maggie: No.
Terry: Is his burger uniform home?
Maggie: No, he’s wearing it.
Terry: Oh, that is so sad.
Jason: Terry, I’m a psychiatrist.
Terry: Well, I, I’m the new assistant manager at World of Burgers, and I need his uniform.
Jason: Oh, well, Mike needs it.
Terry: For what?
Jason: For work.
Terry: That’s great! I felt so bad when he got fired. Well,
Jason: Hold it!
Terry: Hold what?
Jason: Mike was fired?
Terry: You didn’t know? O, boy! I did it again.
Jason: Seems like Mike did it again.
Terry: I lied. Ah, he didn’t get fired. Look, I, I don’t even know him. I’m just an insane girl
who collects Burger uniforms. Ah, just forget I ever came by here, Ok? This never happened.
So, bye, bye!
Ben: Hey, dad! How about some one on one?
Jason: No. I’m too busy right now, Ben.
Ben: Doing what?
Jason: I’m sublimating my angers so I get my negative emotions under control and have a
more constructive attitude, Ok?
Ben: Oh! Good luck! Hi, mom.
Maggie: Hi.
Ben: He’s busy.
Jason: You were right.
Maggie: I was?
Jason: We never should have let Mike take that job.
Maggie: Oh, Jason. I didn’t want to be right about that.
Jason: Look at this. Look. What do you see here?
Maggie: A grease spot.
Jason: It’s not just a grease spot. This is a symbol of my gullibility. A 26 hundred dollars
symbol of my gullibility. Plus tax, license and dealer prep, whatever the hell that is.
Maggie: Oh, honey. I wouldn’t call you gulable, I'd say you were...
Jason: Stupid?
Maggie: Well, I was going to say trusting.
Jason: Well, with Mike, trust is stupid.
Maggie: Oh, honey. Trusting Carol is easy, and Ben’s no problem because, well, he’s smaller
than us. But trusting Mike is a real…
Jason: Ah, very good. You're back to stupidity again. I’m not trusting him any more, Maggie.
Maggie: Jason, I know he let us down, but maybe there is some…
Jason: Oh, you know, he lied to us for a solid week just so he wouldn’t lose that car. And I
really sick of Mike thinking of nobody but himself first.
Maggie: you know, Jason. Maybe you shouldn’t talk to him when you’re this angry.
Jason: Absolutely.
Maggie: But you will.
Jason: Absolutely.
Mike: Hey Dad!
Jason: Well, if it isn’t my hard working son and his well deserved car?
Mike: Yeah, that’s us, Dad. You know I’m really bushed today, Dad.
Jason: So how you go down at the World of Burgers? Looks like you got some onion.
Mike: Yeah, well, to tell you the truth, Dad.
Jason: Excuse me, the what?
Mike: Tell you the truth. Ah, I don’t know, I’m getting a little bummed with WOB
Jason: Oh, but you’re the employee of the month.
Mike: Yeah, you know, there’s a lot of pressure there, dad, and I don’t know. They are talking
about making me an assistant manager. That would mean I'd have to go to burger college
and… I just don't know if I'm university material.
Jason: So you’re telling me that you’re considering quitting this job?
Mike: Well, I’ve already got a better job to lined up, Dad. Yes, in the auto-motive industry.
Jason: Ah! Ford? General motors? Crysler?
Mike: Burney.
Jason: Burney?
Mike: Yeah, Burney’s car wash. I want to be a rag man, Dad. Tips galore and a great future.
Oh, I can’t do this. I can’t look you in the face and lie. What is it, some kind of magic power?
Jason: Mike, I have…
Mike: Dad, I got fired. Ok, it wasn’t even my fault. Dad, I mean, I was covering for this girl
named Terry who left her register draw open. Sorry, I wanted to tell you but I guess that was
the day you gave me this car. What was I supposed to say then?
Jason: Oh, yes. You didn’t want to risk losing the car.
Mike: Oh, dad. It wasn’t because of the car. I mean, it was, but…not the way you mean. It was
just such a new experience, I mean, how could you be so proud of me? It confused me.
Jason: Well, it confused me, too.
Mike: So don’t you see, dad? I mean, I just didn't want you to think I was some loser who
Couldn’t be trust with any responsibility. Just when you started having faith in me.
Jason: Well, you’ve got to have a little faith in me, too.
Mike: Oh, come on, dad, no. If you had somehow found out that I was fired, you’d be out here
pacing, telling mom how stupid you were to trust me.
Jason: Well, possibly we may…
Mike: Dad, don’t you see, you know how hard it’s been for me to keep the truth from you?
Jason: So you lied to me for me?
Mike: Yeah, I just didn’t wanna let you down. No matter what happened to me it didn’t matter.
Jason: Well, I appreciate that.
Maggie: Michael? We’ve been waiting for you.
Jason: And Maggie, Mike just told me he lost his job at the Burger place last week.
Maggie: Oh he did.
Jason: I was shocked.
Maggie: You were? Jason, he’s been lying to us for an entire week!
Jason: Yes. Is that a great kid or what?
Jason: So there’s a difference between doing the wrong thing for the wrong reason, and the
wrong thing for the right reason. Any questions?
All: No, no, no.
Jason: Ok.
Ben: Mom, wait, I have a question. Last month I broke some of mom’s good china, how come
I didn’t get a reward for it?
Jason: See there’re wrong things and there’re right things. Now the wrong things sometimes
do.......