Cheerleaders: Go Girls. Go you Dewey Hooters. V V victory for var var varsity. Victory for
varsity, goooooo Hooters!
Loudspeaker: Mike Seaver to the principles office. Mike Seaver come to the principles office
immediately, Mr.
Girl a: Well I mean, its like a scientific fact that you can be cute, or you can be deep, but only
one in a million can be cute and deep.
Girl b: Yeah. It's like last summer I thought I might try being really deep this year, but....
Girl a: Ok. So then, um, what would you call someone like Carol Seaver?
Girl b: Pathetic.
Mike: Ah, look Carol. I need you to write me a note, to the principles office. In mums
handwriting.
Carol: What you do this time?
Mike: I don't know yet, so why don't you make it one of those all purpose deals, ok. Hey Tom.
How are you doing.
Carol: Stand still.
Mike: What are you nuts? You're my sister. You're a book head. You even study during lunch.
Loudspeaker: Scrap that last announcement. Carol Seaver come to the principles office. Please.
That's Carol Seaver.
Mike: Alright.
Loudspeaker: Sorry Mike. It was an honest mistake.
Mike: Hey , no sweat.
Carol: is mum home yet?
Ben: No.
Carol: Dad?
Ben: In with a patient, but I get to talk with him first.
Carol: Ah well, I want to talk to mum anyway. Ben! You know you are not supposed to be
pigging out like that.
Ben: yeah, well, it's not for me. It's for Mike.
Mike: Hey thanks Bennie.
Mike: So, Carol. Did the principle decide to name the school after you? Nerd High.
Carol: well, as a matter of fact, he called me in to say if I wanted to, I could skip a grade.
Mike: whoopee. Wo wo wo Carol. If you skip a year, then that means that we are both going to
be in the eleventh grade, together.
Carol: Well, only for a year, and then I'll move on to twelfth grade, and you can have eleventh
all to yourself again.
Mike: Hey!
Mike: Carol in my grade. This really sucks eggs.
Ben: Hey mike. It's jerry.
Mike: Look jerry. I can't talk now. I just got the worst news. No nothing you can say can cheer
me up right now. Oh yeah. How incredibly gorgeous is she. Are you serious? Oh wow. I don't
know man. It's a school night. She's a stewardess! Oh really. No no no no. I’m in on it. Just let
me run it by my dad. It makes him feel involved.
Jason: Well Mr Bendelle, for our next session, I’d like you to think about why it is you have so
much difficulty just talking to people. Well, ok then. I'll see you next week.
Mike: Hey dad!
Ben: Dad!
Carol: Mum, is that mum?
Mike: Dad, can I go out tonight?
Ben: I was here first.
Mike: I was
Ben: Mike!
Mike: Ben!
Jason: Boys!
Carol: Mum!
Jason: She's not home.
Maggie: Jason, I,m home.
Jason: Ok. Carol!
Carol: What?
Mike: Mum!
Maggie: Mike!
Mike: No Carol.
Carol: What?
Jason: Stop! Ben, what?
Ben: I want to play next door.
Jason: Fine. Carol?
Carol: I want to talk to mum.
Jason: Fine. Mike?
Mike: I want to go out tonight.
Jason: It's a school night.
Mike: What happened to fine?
Maggie: So Carol, what do you need to talk about?
Carol: Well, did the principle call you today?
Maggie: Oh no! What did Mike do now?
Carol: Nothing. It's me. I wanted to tell you first.
Jason: Sorry, you’re just not going anywhere until I have some details.
Mike: Yeah, alright dad. Man to man, the truth. I have agreed to go out on a blind date with
this shy young fragile girl who is only in town for one night.
Jason: A traveling high school girl?
Mike: Exchange student, yeah.
Jason: No!
Mike: Well, if it's ok with mum, is it ok with you?
J yeah, good luck!
Maggie: A whole grade. That's my girl. Carol this is absolutely fabulous.
Jason: What? What's fabulous?
Maggie: Oh Carol, your father doesn't know?
Carol: Well not unless the principle called him.
Jason: What did you do now?
Mike: Nothing. Carol's the one who got sent to the principles office.
Jason: Carol honey. What's the matter?
Mike: Carol. Honey! Sorry, there is something very wrong.
Maggie: Carol's going to skip a grade.
Carol: Well, I have to pass a tenth grade proficiency test, of course, but..
Jason: Well, that's nice.
Maggie: Jason!
Jason: It's very nice.
Maggie: Honey, he's thrilled.
Mike: Ah mum. Just listen real quick. Dad says I can go out tonight if it's alright with you.
Maggie: Ok.
Mike: Thanks.
Maggie: Nice?
Jason: I said very nice.
Maggie: I don't understand you Jason. Skipping an entire grade is a real achievement.
Jason: Well it can be, but there are some recent studies that adolescents..
Maggie: I don't want to hear about recent studies of adolescents. I mean this is Carol. Our
daughter. She's different. She has goals, ambitions.
Jason: Like her mother?
Maggie: Exactly. Something wrong with that?
Jason: You said you didn't want to hear about it.
Maggie: Well I wasn't ready then. I am now.
Jason: Ok. Well the question is, not whether she should skip the tenth grade, but why she
wants to. Is it because you want her to? Is it because with the additional work load, she won't
have time for the social activities she's not too comfortable with anyway? And won't she be
even more uncomfortable with kids who are a year more mature? And what if she fails? Is she
really ready for that kind of pressure?
Maggie: Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to be married to someone who's always so
rational?
Jason: Not a clue.
Mike: Excuse me. I would just like to express my thoughts on Carol skipping this grade. As an
older brother who cares for, no no, I’ll just say it; who loves his younger sister, I just like to
say....please don't let Carol skip this grade. I don't ask much from you guys. Just a little
allowance and some shelter from the rain. The odd burger now and then,
Maggie: Get up Mike.
Mike: No, I’m not asking for myself. No. Personally I would find having Carol in the class a
delightful experience. I'm asking on behalf of the entire eleventh grade.
Jason: And what's there problem?
Mike: Well basically, they feel that with Carol in the class, we will have exceeded our nerd
quota.
Jason: Oh really.
Mike: Yeah dad. You know how it is. It's a very delicate balance. One more nerd tips. Chaos.
Maggie: Honey, dinner will be ready in just a minute.
Carol: No. I lost my appetite mum. I'm studying about the Donna party.
Maggie: Oh listen Carol. Just one quick question.
Carol: Sure.
Maggie: This business of skipping a grade, you would be doing it for yourself right?
Carol: Of course.
Maggie: Ok. And it isn't to avoid a years worth of social activity and keeping your nose buried
in books instead of interacting with other kids? Is it?
Carol: No.
Maggie: Great. And you've thought about the additional pressures, right?
Carol: What pressures?
Maggie: What pressures! That's my girl.
Ben: I'm just curious. Does this seem wrong to anyone else?
Jason: Mike, help your brother with the dishes please.
Mike: Sure. Ben the dishwasher is just that way.
Carol: So, if we've finished talking about this, I have to go study.
Maggie: I'm finished Jason.
Jason: Go ahead Carol.
Maggie: see what I mean. She's thought this completely through. I don't know why I let you
get me so worried about it.
Jason: Well, I just can't help but wondering..
Maggie: Boy, if I'd have had that extra year, things would have been a lot different for me. I
would have graduated in 68. Had Ben in 74. Got back to work in 84. Why, I'd be a year
younger.
No wait.
Jason: Carol, if you skip a grade, wont you miss your friends?
Carol: Well, it's not like I’m going to be changing schools dad.
Ben: I think she should skip the grade. It's a chance to mess up Mike's whole year.
Carol: My life is good.
Jason: Well I do admire you determination. And you remind me of your mum.
Carol: Yeah, but I won't make the same mistake she did. With the marriage and family bit.
Maggie: Did she just say?
Jason: Yeah, she did.
Maggie: Marriage and family are a mistake. Where would she get such an idea?
Jason: Oh honey. Don't blame yourself.
Maggie: Me? Me? You're suggesting that I gave her that idea?
Jason: No. No no.
Maggie: I mean I love being married to you. I love my family. I mean there's time when I
think about it when I was gush.
Jason: I know that. I've seen you gush.
Maggie: Then where would she get such an idea?
Jason: Well probably from some adults she admires.
Maggie: Who?
Jason: I would guess someone close to her.
Maggie: A woman.
Jason: Yes.
Maggie: Oh I see. So now we're back to accusing me.
Jason: Well maybe she's misread your decision to go back to work. Maybe you do put a little
too much emphasis on excelling.
Maggie: Just like potty training.
Jason: What?
Maggie: Do it for mommy! Do it for mommy! Do it for Mommy!
Jason: Excuse me I have to go to the bathroom.
Jason: Carol, why don't you and I go out for an ice cream cone, and we'll discuss skipping that
grade. Ok?
Carol: Ice cream is fattening.
Jason: You haven't got anything to worry about.
Carol: I wasn't thinking about me.
(door bell)
Jason: You were saved by the bell.
Mike: I got it. I got it. I got it.
I’m: going to get it!
Kitty: Hi, I’m: Kitty from bravo airlines. You must be Mike. Hey did I luck out this time or what?
I mean I usually don't go out on blind dates, but I broke up with my boyfriend twelve and a
half days ago. He name was Rico and with like no warning what so ever, he dumps me. Talk
about immature.
Jason: Yeah, how do you do. I’m: Jason Seaver. I’m: Mike's dad. Mike!
Mike: Hi there.
Jason: Kitty I’m: sorry. Mike can't go out with you tonight.
Kitty: Oh why? Is he sick? No, he's young. Hey Mike. Why don't you take Kitty out on the
porch and you can explain further.
Mike: I, I, no dad.
Maggie: Jason. What’s going on?
Jason: Maggie, this is Kitty. This is the woman you gave Mike permission to go out with
tonight.
Maggie: I didn't. You did.
Mike: Ah Kitty. We must talk.
Jason: Well the usual punishment, or are you feeling creative tonight?
Maggie: I can't think about it now Jason. I have to talk to Carol.
Jason: Yes.
Maggie: Well Carol. Got a minute?
Carol: I've just got to pass that proficiency test.
Maggie: Well that's what I wanted to ..
Carol: You know I'll finish high school a year earlier, I’ll finish college a year earlier, start a
business a year earlier, become Time magazines woman of the year a year earlier.
Maggie: Well, before you hit retirement, I'd like to have a word with you.
Carol: What's wrong?
Maggie: I’m not sure. I mean I might be over reacting, and I probably heard you wrong. But I
thought you said some silly thing about marriage and family being a mistake.
Carol: Right.
Maggie: Right?
Carol: Yes.
Maggie: Where did you get an idea like that?
Carol: From you.
Maggie: Oh honey. You know that I don't feel that way at all. I mean I love being married to
your dad. I love raising you kids. Ask anyone we know. Give me the phone, I’ll dial.
Carol: Mum, why are you getting so excited?
Maggie: Why? Because I get the feeling we haven't been talking about you skipping a grade.
We've been talking about you skipping life.
Carol: But for as long as I can remember, you've told me to work hard and think about college
and a career.
Maggie: Oh sure I did.
Carol: So what’s the point of doing that just to get married, and give it up like you did?
Maggie: I haven't given up anything.
Carol: Mum you worked for Newsweek and quit to raise kids.
Maggie: Well yes, but, but now I've gone back to work.
Carol: For a local newspaper.
Maggie: The Long Island Herald is number one in Siocit and number two in Massapequa.
Carol: Exactly.
Maggie: Oh honey. I know this is a little bit complicated, I mean sure I’m sorry that I missed
the big time, but I’m not sorry at all about getting married and having three great kids.
Do you understand?
Carol: Yes.
Maggie: Are you sure?
Carol: Of course. You think you have to say this because you regret what you had to do.
Maggie: Oh no no, I don't.
Carol: Of course you do. And don't worry about it. Because I am going to make you so proud
of me that you are going to go crazy.
Maggie: I’m: already there.
Mike: So you see Kitty, I used to be much older than this.
Kitty: Oh dear!
Mike: It's an extremely rare disease.
Kitty: That is really amazing.
Mike: Oh and tragic too.
Kitty: I would think so.
Mike: I mean I was, as far as I know there are only two reported cases in the world. Me and
uh, Dick Clark.
Kitty: But you don't show your pain.
Mike: No, no I don't. I mean do you have any idea what it's like going through puberty
backwards?
Kitty: I can imagine. If they ever find a cure for this, give me a call.
Mike: You can count on it. (she kisses him) I have seen the future. And it is good!
Maggie: Jason, do me a favor. Shoot me. It will be quick and clean. We can do it on the front
lawn, turn on the sprinklers, no mess at all.
Jason: So it went well.
Maggie: Oh honey, this is all my fault. And do you know why? Of course you know why. You
know everything.
Jason: Well, it's my....
Maggie: She thinks I’m some kind of a saint who gave up everything for you and the kids.
Jason: Does she know that's the choice you made?
Maggie: Yes. And she didn't believe me. Oh I wish she'd been around before she was born.
Jason: You know that might work.
Maggie: Don't humor me when I don't make any sense. Oh honey if you have any ideas, I'd
love to hear them. I didn't think so.
Carol: Dad, what are you still doing awake?
Jason: Well, I just have something here I think you might be interested in.
Carol: Not another song by Gary Pucket and the Union Gap?
Jason: No, why do you say that?
Carol: Because every time you get out the old tape recorder, it's to play some terrible old
song.
Jason: Well Gary Pucket happens to be an artist. And that's not what this is about.
Carol: I still have a lot of studying to do dad.
Jason: Well just listen when you have a chance. Listen. It's a blast from the past. 1971.
Carol: It is Gary Pucket. (puts tape on)
Tape: (heavy breathing)
Doctor: You're in the way Mr Seaver.
Jason: I’m: a doctor
Doctor: So am I and you're still in the way.
Jason: Come on honey. One more push.
Maggie: Sure, where else am I going to go
Jason: Come on. One, two, three and push!
Maggie: Ooooh!
Doctor: Here it comes.
Jason: I see him Maggie. Just a little more.
Maggie: Ahhhhhh!
(sound of baby crying)
Jason: Wow. Just look at him. Her.
Maggie: Oh honey
Jason: Her. It's a her!
Maggie: We have a daughter!
Jason: Hello Alexis.
Maggie: Not Alexis.
Jason: But we agreed on ..
Maggie: But that's when I thought it would be a boy.
Jason: Nurse, well ah, we..
Maggie: Oh isn't she beautiful Jason? I don't care what we call it. This is the happiest day of
my life.
Jason: She looks like you.
Maggie: Where is she going to go to college?
Jason: Before we decide on a college, shouldn't we give her a name?
Maggie: Well Jason, maybe Carol won't go to college.
Jason: Carol?
Maggie: I've always liked that name. Do you?
Jason: Well, uh..
Maggie: Oh I don't care what she wants to do, just as long as she's as happy as I am right
now.
Jason: Carol it is then.
Maggie: Oh Jason, I love you.
(Baby crying)
Maggie: Does that sound like a woman who regretted her choice?
Carol: I always thought..
Maggie: Oh boy oh boy oh boy were you wrong.
Carol: So you did what you wanted to do?
Maggie: I still am.
Carol: So you're saying I should have a family?
Maggie: No.
Carol: So, you're saying that I should have a career?
Maggie: No.
Carol: Mum, I’m: really getting confused here.
Maggie: Good. Because that means that you are beginning to realize that you have options.
Jason: Well, as long as we are set up, why not have some classic Gary Pucket?
Mike: Hot? Was she hot? Let's just say that on a scale of one to ten, she was a seven forty
seven.
Girl a: So my mum says; take that blue blouse back young lady.
Girl b: Well your mother sounds great compared to my mother. I have, like, no choices. I
mean it's like she's sick of her life, so she wants to lead mine.
Carol: My mother's not like that.
Girl a: Are you talking to us?
Carol: Yeah. My mother lets me make my own choices. She wants me to make my own
choices. She expects me to make my own choices. Isn't that incredible?
Girl b: Too much studying.
Carol: Wrong. See, it's all up to me. Do I really want to spend every lunch hour studying? Do I
really want all the pressure? Do I really want to skip this grade? No. No. No I do not want to
skip this grade.
Mike: Alright! This is my day.
Loudspeaker: Mike Seaver. Mike Seaver I want you in my office in five minutes, and this time
there is no mistake.
Ben: Mum, mum, Carol just played that tape you made when she was born.
Maggie: Oh again.
Ben: Yeah. I didn't even know tape recorders were invented in the olden days.
Jason: Oh yes. We came up with that right after fire.
Ben: Well, when do I get to hear the tape you made when I was born?
Maggie: Your tape?
Jason: Ummm.
Maggie: You see Ben, old buddy. When, when first you have children, you want to capture
every moment. And then..
Jason: I think we packed yours in a different box. I'll get it in the morning.
Ben: Alright!
Maggie: Jason, we didn't make a tape when Ben was born.
Jason: Well, not yet we haven't.
Maggie: Wait a minute.
Jason: You remember how it goes. One two three push!