Jimmy Liao had a difficult relationship with his short-tempered father. But he fondly remembers the fishing trips he took with his dad each Sunday. Liao is now a fish biologist. He says that fish have taught him how to swim through life's rough currents
Welcome to This I Believe, an NPR series presenting the personal philosophies of remarkable men and women from all walks of life.
I believe in mystery.
I believe in family.
I believe in being who I am.
I believe in the power of failure.
And I believe normal life is extraordinary.
Today a This I Believe essay about life’s obstacles from Jimmy Liao, he is the son of a seamstress and gym teacher from Taiwan. Liao was now a post-doctorate fellow in the department of neurobiology and behavior at Cornell University in Ithaca, New York. Here's our series curator, independent producer Jay Allison.
In addition to being a scientist, Jimmy Liao is an adventure sportsman, he skydives and bungee jumps for instance, but his believe and his scientific study derive from a more venerable sporting activity, fishing. Here is Jimmy Liao with his essay for This I Believe.
I believe in using the turbulence in my life. I learned this studying fish.
My mother and father emigrated from Taiwan to New York City to raise a family. They bussed tables at a Chinese restaurant and worked double shifts for years. On Sundays, my father and I would go out with our fishing rods. I was 2 years old when I caught my first fish in Prospect Park with my dad. No water was off-limits: golf ponds, marble quarries, private estates. We packed a lunch and we took off. Sometimes we got in trouble and laughed about it later when we told the stories. Our best times together were spent trying to catch a fish.
But there was another side to my father. He had a temper, and sometimes he got angry and would hit me. In those moments of uncontrolled rage he could only see things his way; he would never let me win an argument. I was held under his will, unable to break out. When I challenged him, he struck me in the face. It didn't break me, but it left me petrified, powerless and resentful. Just the same, come Sunday, regardless of what happened that week, we would fish together.
Years later, I followed my interest in fish to graduate school in biology. I was always a good student, but was often wracked with insecurity. I didn't have much confidence. I felt it was beaten out of me. I tried to find my direction but just ended spinning around and dissipating my energy. Then one night something wonderful happened. I was researching how fish swim in turbulent flow and discovered that they could surf on swirling eddies without using much muscle. What I suddenly realized was that obstacles could actually help you struggle less. That was what I'd needed to know for a long time.
I dove into my experiments and published them quickly — culminating in an article that made the cover of Science magazine — and I received my Ph.D. from Harvard in 2004. My parents took a rare day off from the restaurant and were at my side holding my hand when I stood to receive my diploma on a cloudy afternoon in June.
I believe I can get around the obstacles in my life not by fighting them, but by yielding to them and pushing off from them. It is what Taoists call Wu Wei, literally: to go with the flow. Now I can take the energy of my father's violence and move through it, to surge past that turbulence. I could let my father be himself without giving up on myself. This is different from forgiveness. It's the way I choose to define the events in my life — by my response to them.
There are natural streamlines in our lives. I find by letting go I can harness the complex currents of my life to propel me forward. It was the fish my dad introduced me to that finally taught me this.
Jimmy Liao with his essay for This I Believe. Liao signs his correspondence to us with the word “upstream”, if you be interested in writing for our series, we will invite you to visit npr.org/thisibelieve to find out more and to find a link to our podcast. For This I Believe, I’m Jay Allison.
Jay Allison is co-editor with Dan Gediman, John Gregory and Viki Merrick of the book This I Believe: The Personal Philosophies of Remarkable Men and Women.
Support for this I believe comes from Prudential Retirement.
This I Believe is produced for NPR by This I Believe Incorporated Atlantic Public Media. For more essays in the series, please visit npr.org/thisibelieve.
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