访谈录 2010-05-17&05-21 解读剩女现象-6（在线收听）

Sherri: Thank you for explaining for what black men go through. But I think you know, when you talking about men are intimidated by women, you do go through that. And a lot of times we have willingness to stick that out with you, but it seems like man starts to resent us, like we'll go out there, and we work another job, to try to…Because you are not accommodate with the job, they are not inviting to the parties, they are not, you know, you are not getting where you want to be. So we take on an extra load. Attend so Tea-like Candles, and had Avon parties, and Mary Kay parties to, top where to help my man, to do another job. But then what happens for me is then there is a level of success that comes, and I have been up there in the cut with him. So there, when I do go to my parties that I am invited to, gosh, I would like my man to be right there with me, but it seems like man has this problem being plus one. I'll let people know this is my man, I fight for this, I fight for this. And then you know, I expect, sometimes, I don't have time to validate you twenty four hours a day! I'm not here with you, yes, it is hard as you! (it's true, right, if we choose )and you don't want to be a plus one, you don't want to be the person introduced, you want to be the person introducing. And it's like there is a time when I go, I’ll stand behind you and be quiet. Can there be times when you stand by me sort of behind me and under girding me? And that's what I feel like, I don't have that!

Steve : See, here, here is another misunderstanding that's rampant throughout women. You keep use this term that a successful woman that you are intimidating, can I slow your role for just a second? You are never intimidating to a man. I. wanna introduce another concept to you, a real man, intimidate for what? how much you make, what you got, what you do, where you live, a real man, you can forget the intimidation thing. Pleases ladies, stop saying this, because you are adding an element that is not there. Let me introduce this to you, have you ever thought that instead of thinking that your man is intimidated, could not your man just be ashamed? Have you ever thought that for a moment? Because I hate to tell it to you, but we are! Sometimes we are just ashamed of the fact that we are not there yet, we are ashamed to the fact that we have not gotten to where we thought we'll be by this age in life. Have you ever considered that for a moment? But when you attach the term "intimidation" to it, you take on a superior role, that role are known to you excess itself out. And now all of a sudden, you are conducting yourself in a leadership capacity when you are really incapable of leading me nowhere. Sherri, you said just a second ago, but sometimes can I be in the front and you stand behind you begin you correct it saying as he stands it beside me? Because you have earned the type loved Miss. Sherri Sherperd and you should be proud of your accomplishment, I never tell a woman to dump it down. But men, you got to cool it out. Can I say for the two of you who are successful, attractive but famous?

Sherri: Well, that's what I wanna take it out of the real realm of the famous, the celebrity. I wanna take, because I wanna take it out him related to that.

Steve: Yeah, because you see every person sits now there ain’t got the fame gain work.

Sherri: But it's still what you said about, you know, still ,you are talking about whether you are a lawyer and you have to go to a party or you are an executive, you are the chief stuff in a hospital, you know,

Jacque: To be famous in your circle

Sherri: In your circle. And when I said a man can he walk behind me, and under gird me because it maybe my definition is wrong over partnership, but there are times you stand behind a man, and you under gird him to help him get up to this place. And then there are times when your man comes behind and you under gird you and lift you up, and then we do this. And we keep doing this so that we can both stay up here. So do I…so when I am saying behind me, I don't mean I am trying to lead you, I want you to be the man. I want you to be the man, and I want you to lead your family and protect your family. But I’m saying there is times when we as women, we need a man to go, where he is standing there, He don't need to be to hey it all the time, because he knows, because a successful partnership, a good CEO of his company can make his employees feel like they are No.1.

Steve: Yeah, I understand what you are saying, but that man have to feel like he is the man all the time. He got to feel like he is the man all the time. I'm sorry, that’s in our DNA (So what do I do?) Listen to me, were you feeling back that down? We are not backing that down so you can have a great day today.

Hostess: So men have got to wear the pants.

Steve: No. we are not intend to do that.

Hostess: Men have got to wear the pants.

Sherri: So, Steve, I gotta tell you all the time, all the time, for you to feel like a man, all the time, all the time, I gotta tell you, baby, the way you flush that toilet , nobody else could do that like you, baby, wow, you are the man!, That's what I am saying when you keep talking about a real man, Steve, I think a real man has to work out some of those issues within themselves, because we're total all the time is women. We're total all the time is women. Don't look into a man to give you your happiness. Don't wait to get your marriage to furniture your apartment, if you don't that develop within yourself, no man is gonna fulfill it. So you say, when you say a real man, all the time, I gotta give you validation, every time I look around, so you can feel like that?

Steve: No, no.

Jimi: Why did you choose them in the first place?

Sherri:  I chose them because like you said I look in their potential and I wanna a partnership and I wanna a friendship and I wanna us both to be here. But in order for both of us to be here, you can't do it alone, I am trying to help you too, and I am trying to do my thing. I’m not just go sit at home and cook, clean and have sex with you. I am trying to bring in some money as well! So why do I choose you? Because I see something in you and our willingness to stick in there but I need you to help me too when I need you to stand beside me too.

Hill: Sherri, Sherri, first of all, that's what a partnership is. And so don't think that, that just because a man wants to be a man doesn't mean that doesn't include, and it's not inclusive for him supporting you. That's again, just the way you said that, seems you suggest that and that's not true. A man understands that part of being a man is supporting his woman.

Sherri: But all of these, I want to know what you are going through, but you don't want to tell me what you are going through, you want to be store it, you don't want to say nothing. So then I come…You know how they say, men have six thousand words and women have thirty-five thousand words. So when you get home, you know, you don't want to use up those words but I don't know this, and I would like to.

Hill:  But have you ever taken the time of listening to anther example when we are talking about misinformation, we have taken the time to see how men actually communicate. Because we do communicate but we don't do the same way women do, but women expect us to communicate in their way.

Jacque: No, we see how, we know you communicate differently, but what you are communicating is not working for me in all cases. And that's, I know that you may not say it to me, I feel this way, but you may do things for me, you know what I mean? Or you may do things for me around the house, or do different things to show your love and affection.

Hill: Or how we choose to communicate I'll give you an example. This woman who we are talking to, I gave her an assignment. She says that I can't get my guy to communicate, when he come home, I’m sitting there and say "Can we talk?", I said men don't wanna communicate that way. I said next time you wanna have the same conversation, say "Hey, baby, let's go down the sports bar" "What? Really? OK, let's go” we go down there. Buy two shots of patroon, you know, patroon, watch the game, drink a little patroon, have a beer. And about, you know I say around half time may be third quarter talk about what you want to talk about. And I’m not saying the information is gonna come out. (You also say it here that you don't want me here), I'm not saying. (Two shots of patroon), OK, so what I tell is, it's about comfort and how we are used in communicating. We are go to sports, we are hanging out with our friends, but first thing we are not gonna talk about, when we sit down with our friends, about our relationships. This will talk about also to other things, and we will finally walk our way there.