爱情宝典:如何和女友分手

 She did not dump me. It was a mutual¹ break-up, ok?Shut up!

她没有抛弃我，这是一次对等的分手好吗？闭嘴！

Have you ever been so completely in love with your girlfriend that you just knew you wanted to spend the rest of your life with her? Me neither. So I'm gonna tell you how to dump that bitch.

你有过如此深爱着你的女友以致你想要跟她共度余生吗？我也没有。所以我将告诉你怎样甩掉她。

 1.Insult her style

贬低她的穿着风格

How do I look? 

我看上去怎么样

You look like a cow.

你看上去像头奶牛

Well, fuck you! Asshole! 

混蛋！

Great!

棒极了！

 2.Play World of Warcraft

玩魔兽世界

Let tanks get aggro before you start DPS. What? NO! Don't stand in the fire. Go! OK. Oh God damn it! I need a healer up here.

在启动DPS前先启动坦克。什么，哦，不。不要呆在火里！上！好的。哦，该死！我这需要治疗。

What're you doing?

你在做什么

Shut the fuck up! I'm raiding.

闭嘴，我在袭击

Wow! 

哦天哪！

3.Cheat on her

劈腿吧

Hi, free for dinner? 

嗨，有空吃晚餐吗？

No, sorry. I'm busy tonight. Oh, Anthony, I love you so much. I love you too, new girlfriend. Yeah, so super busy tonight. Oh, come over here. Let me give you a blow torch.

不，抱歉，我今晚很忙。喔，Anthony，我很爱你。我也爱你，新女友。是，今晚实在太忙了。来这儿，我把喷灯给你。

Busted²

当场抓住！

4.Do an over texted message

传分手短信

You wanna break cups with me?

你要跟我“摔杯子”？

Damn you auto-correct!

该死的自动更正！

5.Always mention your ex

总是提起你的前任

You like that? 

你喜欢这吗？

Brandy did it better, but whatever.

Brandy做得更好，不过，无所谓啦。

You know I never leaned how to tie a double knot. 

你知道我从没学过系双结

Shoe noob.

鞋带小白

6.Act like a five-year-old 

表现得幼稚

Alright, I get the jokes. Stop it. 

好吧，我听懂这个笑话了，不要再说了

Alright, I get the jokes. Stop it. 

好吧，我听懂这个笑话了，不要再说了

I mean it! 

我是认真的！

I mean it! 

我是认真的！

My name is Anthony. I'm a douche.

我叫Anthony，我是个白痴

My name is Anthony. I'm a douche.

我叫Anthony，我是个白痴

Oh my God! I can't take this anymore!

哦我的天哪！我受够了！

Copy this, you son of bitch!

照做吧，你这混蛋

Suicide bonus.

意想不到的收获。

7.Fake a pregnancy³ scare

制造怀孕的恐慌

The condom broke. 

这避孕套破了。

Wait. We've never had sex. 

等等，我们从没有过性行为

Then explain why I'm pregnant.

那么解释一下为什么我怀孕了

Congratulations.

恭喜

8.Never talk to her again.

不再理她

Anthony, hi. 

Anthony，嗨

Oh, hey. This is my wife Maggie. 

嘿，这是我妻子Maggie

Wait. What do you mean wife?I'm still your girlfriend

等等，你的意思是妻子？我还只是你女朋友。

I thought completely ignoring you made it pretty obvious. 

我想，完全无视你，这已经很明显了。

I've been waiting for ten years! Dick! 

我等了你10年！Dick!

Ruined a life. 

毁了别人的一生

9.Fake your own death

装死

Why?

为什么

Because you are a bitch.

因为你是混蛋

Wait. What?

等等，什么？

Sometimes the dead can send a message from beyond. You have beautiful eyes.

有时候死者可以从远方传来信息。你的眼睛真美

What the hell!

这是怎么了！

Sloppy⁴ seconds.

混乱的关系！

10.If all those fails, be honest with her.

如果这些都失败了，对她实话实说吧

I just don't think things are working out. I just think we should break up

我不认为我们的关系会有进展。我想，我们该分手了。

Yeah. I don't think that's a good idea. 

是。我不认为这是个好主意。

Why? 

为什么

My daddy is a cop.

我父亲是一名警察

Stop right there. You are a great guy and have a stable job. Don't break up with her!

站在那儿别动！你是个不错的人并且有稳定的工作。不要和她分手！

I'm sorry. I just don't love her anymore.

我很抱歉，我只是不爱她了

Finger bangs

手指开枪

1 mutual   

adj.相互的，彼此的；共同的，共有的

参考例句：

• We must pull together for mutual interest.我们必须为相互的利益而通力合作。
• Mutual interests tied us together.相互的利害关系把我们联系在一起。

2 busted   

adj. 破产了的，失败了的，被降级的，被逮捕的，被抓到的 动词bust的过去式和过去分词

参考例句：

• You are so busted! 你被当场逮住了！
• It was money troubles that busted up their marriage. 是金钱纠纷使他们的婚姻破裂了。

3 pregnancy   

n.怀孕，怀孕期

参考例句：

• Early pregnancy is often accompanied by nausea.怀孕早期常有恶心的现象。
• Smoking during pregnancy increases the risk of miscarriage.怀孕期吸烟会增加流产的危险。

4 sloppy   

adj.邋遢的，不整洁的

参考例句：

• If you do such sloppy work again,I promise I'll fail you.要是下次作业你再马马虎虎，我话说在头里，可要给你打不及格了。
• Mother constantly picked at him for being sloppy.母亲不断地批评他懒散。