VOA慢速英语2019--Questions to Ask Before You Marry

 

From VOA Learning English, this is the Health & Lifestyle report.

Marriage. Is it a romantic situation with some practical parts? Or it is a practical situation with some romantic parts?

Couples and cultures differ. But experts on marriage warn that, in general, romantic love – you know, that excited feeling you have at the beginning of a relationship – lasts only for about a year. As the relationship continues, partners need to make sure they can still live together happily. In other words, they need to be compatible.

But how do you know if you are compatible with someone? Like in a job interview, you need to ask questions.

Several websites suggest questions you should ask your future bride or groom¹. We have collected here some of the ones that appear most often.

What kind of debt do you have?

A 2018 poll by the Pew Research Center found that money is one of the top five things couples fight about. Before tying the knot – another way of saying “getting married” – you should talk to your partner about any money each of you owes – such as student loans, house or car payments.

One reason to talk about debt is because married couples may want to make a costly² purchase together, such as a house. Debt could limit your ability to do so.

And do not forget about credit card debt. This probably tells more about a person’s relationship with money than any other kind of debt. That leads us to our next question.

What are your spending habits?

Some people are good at saving money. They take comfort in having extra in the bank. Others are good at spending money. Shopping, for them, can bring comfort.

If you and your partner spend money differently it could lead to conflict. Now is a good time to talk about savings³, budgets and how you will handle your finances together.

How do you feel about a clean house?

Cleaning up around the house may not seem like a big deal. However, the same poll noted⁴ earlier found that 62 percent of all Americans said sharing household duties is important to a successful marriage. How will you and your partner divide them?

When talking about cleaning the house, there is another related question.

How do you feel about clutter⁵?

For some people, living in a house with things everywhere can be very stressful. Other people have a hard time throwing anything away. It is important to know how you and your partner will deal with the everyday stuff of life.

How much time do you spend on social media or other technology?

Some people can spend hours on Facebook or playing video games. Other people hate using their time in such a way. Maybe they like to go hiking or play an instrument for hours instead.

So, at the heart of this question is this simpler but all-important one: “How do you like to spend your time?” Couples who share the same interests -- whatever they may be -- are more likely to succeed at being married.

Do you want children?

Okay, whether or not to have children is a big question.

In marriage, many areas are negotiable. Couples can find a compromise. However, the question of whether or not to have children is not one of these areas. For many people the issue of children can be a deal-breaker.

So, find out before you walk down the aisle⁶, find out if you both have the same expectations about babies – yes, no, how many and when?

Have you ever been arrested? If you have … for what?

This may sound obvious. But you may be surprised by what you learn. Before you marry someone, it is a good idea to find out if your partner has a criminal record.

But keep in mind that not having an arrest record may simply mean that they have never been caught. So, while you are on the topic, you could also ask about a history of gambling⁷, overusing alcohol or drugs or, perhaps, violence.

How much time alone do you need to be happy?

You can’t spend every minute together. Or can you? Best to ask.

Some people are most happy when they are around others. In fact, some people hate to be alone. But other people may need large amounts of time by themselves.

It is important to share where you fall on this line. Some people may take it personally if their partner does not want to be with them all the time. And the people who need to be alone may feel trapped by being with someone day in and day out, even if it is someone they love.

These are just some of the questions you may want to ask before getting married. These topics may be uncomfortable. But a couple hours of feeling uncomfortable is better than a lifetime of conflict.

Also, experts warn to be careful of someone who does not want to answer questions such as these. That is perhaps the greatest warning sign of all.

And that’s the Health & Lifestyle report.

I’m Anna Matteo.

And I’m Bryan Lynn. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Love and marriage

Love and marriage

Go together like a horse and carriage

This I'll tell you, brother,

You can't have one without the other...

Words in This Story

compatible – adj. capable of existing together in a satisfactory relationship (as marriage)

practical – adj. relating to what is real rather than to what is possible or imagined

romance – n. a love affair (romantic – adj. of, relating to, or involving love between two people

clutter – n. a crowded or confused mass or collection

negotiable – adj. able to be discussed and changed before an agreement or decision is made

compromise – n. a way of reaching agreement in which each person or group gives up something that was wanted in order to end an argument or dispute

walk down the aisle – idiomatic⁸ phrase to get married

deal-breaker – n. something that is important enough to you to prevent you from agreeing to something, buying something, etc.

obvious – adj. easily discovered, seen, or understood

1 groom   

vt.给（马、狗等）梳毛，照料，使...整洁

参考例句：

• His father was a groom.他父亲曾是个马夫。
• George was already being groomed for the top job.为承担这份高级工作，乔治已在接受专门的培训。

2 costly   

adj.昂贵的，价值高的，豪华的

参考例句：

• It must be very costly to keep up a house like this.维修这么一幢房子一定很昂贵。
• This dictionary is very useful,only it is a bit costly.这本词典很有用，左不过贵了些。

3 savings   

n.存款，储蓄

参考例句：

• I can't afford the vacation,for it would eat up my savings.我度不起假，那样会把我的积蓄用光的。
• By this time he had used up all his savings.到这时，他的存款已全部用完。

4 noted   

adj.著名的，知名的

参考例句：

• The local hotel is noted for its good table.当地的那家酒店以餐食精美而著称。
• Jim is noted for arriving late for work.吉姆上班迟到出了名。

5 clutter   

n.零乱，杂乱；vt.弄乱，把…弄得杂乱

参考例句：

• The garage is in such a clutter that we can't find anything.车库如此凌乱，我们什么也找不到。
• We'll have to clear up all this clutter.我们得把这一切凌乱的东西整理清楚。

6 aisle   

n.（教堂、教室、戏院等里的）过道，通道

参考例句：

• The aisle was crammed with people.过道上挤满了人。
• The girl ushered me along the aisle to my seat.引座小姐带领我沿着通道到我的座位上去。

7 gambling   

n.赌博；投机

参考例句：

• They have won a lot of money through gambling.他们赌博赢了很多钱。
• The men have been gambling away all night.那些人赌了整整一夜。

8 idiomatic   

adj.成语的，符合语言习惯的

参考例句：

• In our reading we should always be alert for idiomatic expressions.我们在阅读过程中应经常注意惯用法。
• In his lecture,he bore down on the importance of idiomatic usage in a language.他在演讲中着重强调了语言中习惯用法的重要性。