美国国家公共电台 NPR In 'Strangers Tend To Tell Me Things,' An Advice Columnist Comes Home

 

SCOTT SIMON, HOST:

Amy Dickinson says she grew up in a town of leavers and stayers - Freeville, N.Y. - but she may be the only person to leave then return. The author of the Ask Amy advice column that appears in newspapers across the country and regular panelist on NPR's Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! has written a memoir¹ of marriage, parenthood, divorce, single parenthood, being on your own, moving back, saying goodbye, saying hello and starting over. Maybe I just should have said life. Her new memoir - "Strangers Tend To Tell Me Things: A Memoir Of Love, Loss, And Coming Home." And Amy Dickinson joins us from Ithaca, N.Y. Amy, thanks so much for being with us.

AMY DICKINSON: Oh, thank you, Scott.

SIMON: So what's a sophisticated urbanite² like you doing in Freeville, N.Y.?

DICKINSON: Oh, not much, you know. I mean, just today I was at the Queen Diner with my aunts because that's what we do once a week. We meet at the diner. You know, I live in my hometown. It's - I'm right back where I started surrounded by people I went to high school with. And I don't know if I could have done this at another phase in my life, but it just feels right.

SIMON: It's interesting reading this book. You learned a lot from the example of both of your parents, but they were substantially different lessons.

DICKINSON: (Laughter) Right. I was very fortunate to have been raised by my mother, Jane, who was a really - just a great parent. She was fun. She was lively, and she really seemed to enjoy being a mother. My father, on the other hand, old Buck³, was like a world-class abandoner. He left us. He left subsequent families. He left women. He left people in his wake. And he just - you know, I think of him now as, like, an old restless cowboy.

SIMON: That's being very kind.

DICKINSON: It is being kind (laughter) actually.

SIMON: With the advantage of a certain amount of hindsight now, did that make love more difficult for you?

DICKINSON: Oh, yeah, definitely. It's like he was this linchpin I measured all other men against, and I was often overcorrecting, may I say. So (laughter) yeah, I veered⁴ back and forth⁵. My first husband very, very, very unlike - as unlike my father as I could find, but that also meant that he and I didn't have a lot in common.

SIMON: So you get back home where you started in Freeville, and you meet all over again a guy named Bruno.

DICKINSON: (Laughter) Yeah. You know, I've known him most of my life. I think we met when I was 12. Bruno has never lived any more than five miles away from where he was born. And I came home. He is a very well-known local builder, and I came home, and I wanted to renovate⁶ my little house. And everybody said, oh, you should call Bruno, call Bruno. And I finally called Bruno, and he came to my house and he opened the door - it was fall. And, Scott, it was just - you know that scene in "The Quiet Man" when John Wayne opens the door to Maureen O'Hara's little cottage? And he...

SIMON: Yeah, hello, Mary Kate.

DICKINSON: (Laughter) Mary Kate Danaher.

SIMON: Yeah.

DICKINSON: He filled the door frame and these leaves were kicked up behind him. And it was this incredibly dramatic moment in my life when Bruno blew in, you know, in my door. Yeah, and we fell - we just fell in love immediately.

SIMON: In the course of this book, your mother declines and then dies. And that's very moving the way you trace that in the book. You don't like this term that we've heard so much over the past generation - closure.

DICKINSON: Yeah, really - I mean, do you have it (laughter)?

SIMON: No, no, no, I know exactly what you mean. You don't close it. You go on.

DICKINSON: Right. If you love someone fiercely, you're not going to close the book on that. And honestly, I felt that the whole closure concept was really a - you know, just thinking that I might get closure I think delayed my healing from this loss. My mother was frail⁷. She suffered. I was with her. I helped to take care of her. No one could have been more prepared for someone's death than I was. And I just had no idea that the loss would have such magnitude for me. It was very, very tough.

SIMON: You know what I've concluded, Amy? And I hope our children don't hear this (laughter). You don't really grow up until you lose your parents.

DICKINSON: It certainly puts you in a whole other life phase. It's incredibly profound, and the process - and I know you were with your mother and I was with my mother. And to me, it felt - it really did feel analogous⁸ to the birth process, this really potent⁹, very powerful life process. And I was glad that I was there.

SIMON: I finished the book and then turned back to the dedication¹⁰. (Reading) This book is dedicated¹¹ a memory of my mother, Jane Genung Dickinson, who taught me that life is a memory.

Not a cabaret?

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: Not quite.

SIMON: Why...

DICKINSON: Oh, but I wish, you know?

SIMON: Yeah, but why a memory?

DICKINSON: Well, she told me once that she wanted that on her tombstone. My mother had a very dreamy, introspective quality, and I think she always lived in her head to a certain extent. And I loved that about her. We were very different in that regard. But I always really treasured that about her, the idea that there was a lot going on that she wasn't necessarily revealing. I liked it.

SIMON: Do other people's problems ever - do you carry them home?

DICKINSON: I do. You know, when I run a letter in my column, for instance, about someone who has been sexually assaulted and is suffering or has been abused, say, by a parent, I will then hear from dozens, sometimes over 100, other people who have had a similar experience. And the magnitude of that will really, really weigh me down sometimes. And yet, that's exactly what this column is all about. It's just about our commonality. You know, I feel very, very connected to the people who write to me. And yeah, I have to work hard sometimes not to take on the weight of some of this stuff.

SIMON: Amy Dickinson - her new book - "Strangers Tend To Tell Me Things: A Memoir Of Love, Loss, And Coming Home." Thanks so much for being with us.

DICKINSON: Thank you, Scott.

1 memoir   

n.[pl.]回忆录，自传；记事录

参考例句：

• He has just published a memoir in honour of his captain.他刚刚出了一本传记来纪念他的队长。
• In her memoir,the actress wrote about the bittersweet memories of her first love.在那个女演员的自传中，她写到了自己苦乐掺半的初恋。

2 urbanite   

n.都市人

参考例句：

• More and more urbanite begin to pay attention to mental health.越来越多的都市人，开始注重心理健康。
• A study of German college students suggests that urbanite brains are more susceptible to stress,particularly social stress,than those of country dwellers.由德国大学生组织实施的一项研究表明，都市人的大脑与农村居民相比，要更容易受到压力的影响，尤其是社会压力的影响。

3 buck   

n.雄鹿，雄兔；v.马离地跳跃

参考例句：

• The boy bent curiously to the skeleton of the buck.这个男孩好奇地弯下身去看鹿的骸骨。
• The female deer attracts the buck with high-pitched sounds.雌鹿以尖声吸引雄鹿。

4 veered   

v.（尤指交通工具）改变方向或路线( veer的过去式和过去分词 )；（指谈话内容、人的行为或观点）突然改变；（指风） （在北半球按顺时针方向、在南半球按逆时针方向）逐渐转向；风向顺时针转

参考例句：

• The bus veered onto the wrong side of the road. 公共汽车突然驶入了逆行道。
• The truck veered off the road and crashed into a tree. 卡车突然驶离公路撞上了一棵树。 来自《简明英汉词典》

5 forth   

adv.向前；向外，往外

参考例句：

• The wind moved the trees gently back and forth.风吹得树轻轻地来回摇晃。
• He gave forth a series of works in rapid succession.他很快连续发表了一系列的作品。

6 renovate   

vt.更新，革新，刷新

参考例句：

• The couple spent thousands renovating the house.这对夫妇花了几千元来翻新房子。
• They are going to renovate the old furniture.他们准备将旧家具整修一番。

7 frail   

adj.身体虚弱的；易损坏的

参考例句：

• Mrs. Warner is already 96 and too frail to live by herself.华纳太太已经九十六岁了，身体虚弱，不便独居。
• She lay in bed looking particularly frail.她躺在床上，看上去特别虚弱。

8 analogous   

adj.相似的；类似的

参考例句：

• The two situations are roughly analogous.两种情況大致相似。
• The company is in a position closely analogous to that of its main rival.该公司与主要竞争对手的处境极为相似。

9 potent   

adj.强有力的，有权势的；有效力的

参考例句：

• The medicine had a potent effect on your disease.这药物对你的病疗效很大。
• We must account of his potent influence.我们必须考虑他的强有力的影响。

10 dedication   

n.奉献，献身，致力，题献，献辞

参考例句：

• We admire her courage,compassion and dedication.我们钦佩她的勇气、爱心和奉献精神。
• Her dedication to her work was admirable.她对工作的奉献精神可钦可佩。

11 dedicated   

adj.一心一意的；献身的；热诚的

参考例句：

• He dedicated his life to the cause of education.他献身于教育事业。
• His whole energies are dedicated to improve the design.他的全部精力都放在改进这项设计上了。