美国国家公共电台 NPR Keeping Money Secrets From Each Other: Financial Infidelity On The Rise

 

DAVID GREENE, HOST:

All right. So there's marital¹ infidelity. What about financial infidelity? This is when people hide their accounts, their debts or their spending habits from their spouses² or partners. Studies estimate up to 40% of American adults admit to some form of this. And therapists and financial advisers³ say it can really undermine relationships because of all the lies. NPR's Yuki Noguchi reports on one couple's journey from deception⁴ to disclosure.

YUKI NOGUCHI, BYLINE⁵: Ann Blaine met Ed Coambs 15 years ago at a party he hosted in Houston. At 23, Coambs already had his financial act together.

ANN COAMBS: He owned a house already. And he had a job, and he managed his budget.

NOGUCHI: Blaine was three years older and saddled with dental school debt. She found his financial security super sexy.

A COAMBS: I thought, gosh, this - I've hit the jackpot. This is amazing.

NOGUCHI: They married and settled in Charlotte, N.C. They had some differing views about money.

ED COAMBS: Well, I never really had the idea that people would, in a marriage, keep their money in separate accounts or hidden from each other. Joint⁷ accounts was the way that my parents managed the household finances.

A COAMBS: I was real skittish⁸ about that, I guess 'cause my parents went through a not-very-pretty divorce.

NOGUCHI: But these differences, they negotiated.

A COAMBS: Eventually, I got around to saying, OK, let's do this. So, like, all of our accounts were mutual⁹ and shared.

NOGUCHI: That sharing extended to Anne Coambs's dental practice. Ed Coambs stayed home with their boys while his wife supported them. Later, he returned to school to become a therapist. But his counseling practice was slow to take off.

E COAMBS: I had a period of struggle. It had to deal with my own insecurities and what it meant for me to be a provider or not being a provider. And I borrowed more money and wasn't talking to my wife about it.

NOGUCHI: Ironically, his practice focused on financial therapy - counseling for couples fighting about money. Meanwhile, Coambs himself secretly borrowed thousands of dollars on a credit card. Over the following year, that debt metastasized to over $20,000. He told himself he'd repay it as he won more clients.

E COAMBS: I just need more time.

NOGUCHI: But every month, the debts grew. His wife? She didn't notice.

A COAMBS: I'll be honest. I was probably more oblivious¹¹ than I'd like to admit that I was.

NOGUCHI: Guilt¹² consumed Ed Coambs. He thought about it hourly.

E COAMBS: Even talking about this with you now, like, I have my own sense of shame that's coming over me 'cause I'm like, man, did I really do that?

NOGUCHI: He agreed to tell his story because he thinks it might help others in the same boat. The few academic studies on the subject say between a quarter to about 40% of American adults deceive their partners financially. Ted⁶ Rossman is an industry analyst¹³ for creditcards.com.

TED ROSSMAN: It does seem that financial infidelity is on the rise.

NOGUCHI: His firm's recent survey found millennials twice as likely to hide money or accounts from partners than other generations. And digital life makes doing so easier.

ROSSMAN: You can sign up for the account. You can get the statements. You can do your spending, all without anything showing up in the mail.

NOGUCHI: Ed Coambs kept his secret under wraps for a year. The debt grew. Even to him, it made no sense. His job, after all, involved helping¹⁴ couples navigate¹⁵ financial conflict. His wife called him Mr. Financially Responsible.

E COAMBS: It is ironic¹⁰.

NOGUCHI: He says the strain isolated¹⁶ and depressed¹⁷ him.

E COAMBS: For the most part, people thought, well, Ed's successful. He's smart. He's capable. Internally, I just - nothing else felt further from the truth.

NOGUCHI: Ultimately, the truth did come out. One night, after their three sons went to bed, he told her. Ann Coambs recalls the initial shock.

A COAMBS: In the span of, you know, a couple minutes, you're like - what just got swept out from underneath¹⁸ me?

NOGUCHI: Then she got angry.

A COAMBS: Everything in me wanted to just yell and, like, punch a pillow. And, like, I think when he's been so - we got to share everything, we got to do this for your business and my business together all the time - when that happened, the trust part was the hardest thing to get back.

NOGUCHI: Getting it back required couples counseling, apologies, transparency, time. Even in forgiveness, she admits, she resented repaying his debts.

A COAMBS: Like, I don't want to do that. I feel like you should bail¹⁹ yourself out for what you cost.

NOGUCHI: It's been over two years since he came clean. Ed Coambs says he's learned to empathize with those like himself, who break their own moral code, and people like his wife, who work hard to forgive.

And are people, generally speaking, able to move through that?

E COAMBS: You know, you heard me take a deep breath because it's easy to talk about on the phone in an interview, and it's harder work to do week in and week out.

NOGUCHI: To those still hiding in the shadows, both he and his wife say - come forward, the sooner the better. Yuki Noguchi, NPR News.

1 marital   

adj.婚姻的，夫妻的

参考例句：

• Her son had no marital problems.她的儿子没有婚姻问题。
• I regret getting involved with my daughter's marital problems;all its done is to bring trouble about my ears.我后悔干涉我女儿的婚姻问题, 现在我所做的一切将给我带来无穷的烦恼。

2 spouses   

n.配偶，夫或妻( spouse的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• Jobs are available for spouses on campus and in the community. 校园里和社区里有配偶可做的工作。 来自辞典例句
• An astonishing number of spouses-most particularly in the upper-income brackets-have no close notion of their husbands'paychecks. 相当大一部分妇女——特别在高收入阶层——并不很了解他们丈夫的薪金。 来自辞典例句

3 advisers   

顾问，劝告者( adviser的名词复数 )； （指导大学新生学科问题等的）指导教授

参考例句：

• a member of the President's favoured circle of advisers 总统宠爱的顾问班子中的一员
• She withdrew to confer with her advisers before announcing a decision. 她先去请教顾问然后再宣布决定。

4 deception   

n.欺骗，欺诈；骗局，诡计

参考例句：

• He admitted conspiring to obtain property by deception.他承认曾与人合谋骗取财产。
• He was jailed for two years for fraud and deception.他因为诈骗和欺诈入狱服刑两年。

5 byline   

n.署名；v.署名

参考例句：

• His byline was absent as well.他的署名也不见了。
• We wish to thank the author of this article which carries no byline.我们要感谢这篇文章的那位没有署名的作者。

6 ted   

vt.翻晒，撒，撒开

参考例句：

• The invaders gut ted the village.侵略者把村中财物洗劫一空。
• She often teds the corn when it's sunny.天好的时候她就翻晒玉米。

7 joint   

adj.联合的，共同的；n.关节，接合处；v.连接，贴合

参考例句：

• I had a bad fall,which put my shoulder out of joint.我重重地摔了一跤，肩膀脫臼了。
• We wrote a letter in joint names.我们联名写了封信。

8 skittish   

adj.易激动的，轻佻的

参考例句：

• She gets very skittish when her boy-friend is around.她男朋友在场时，她就显得格外轻佻。
• I won't have my son associating with skittish girls.我不准我的儿子与轻佻的女孩交往。

9 mutual   

adj.相互的，彼此的；共同的，共有的

参考例句：

• We must pull together for mutual interest.我们必须为相互的利益而通力合作。
• Mutual interests tied us together.相互的利害关系把我们联系在一起。

10 ironic   

adj.讽刺的，有讽刺意味的，出乎意料的

参考例句：

• That is a summary and ironic end.那是一个具有概括性和讽刺意味的结局。
• People used to call me Mr Popularity at high school,but they were being ironic.人们中学时常把我称作“万人迷先生”，但他们是在挖苦我。

11 oblivious   

adj.易忘的，遗忘的，忘却的，健忘的

参考例句：

• Mother has become quite oblivious after the illness.这次病后，妈妈变得特别健忘。
• He was quite oblivious of the danger.他完全没有察觉到危险。

12 guilt   

n.犯罪；内疚；过失，罪责

参考例句：

• She tried to cover up her guilt by lying.她企图用谎言掩饰自己的罪行。
• Don't lay a guilt trip on your child about schoolwork.别因为功课责备孩子而使他觉得很内疚。

13 analyst   

n.分析家，化验员；心理分析学家

参考例句：

• What can you contribute to the position of a market analyst?你有什么技能可有助于市场分析员的职务？
• The analyst is required to interpolate values between standards.分析人员需要在这些标准中插入一些值。

14 helping   

n.食物的一份&adj.帮助人的，辅助的

参考例句：

• The poor children regularly pony up for a second helping of my hamburger. 那些可怜的孩子们总是要求我把我的汉堡包再给他们一份。
• By doing this, they may at times be helping to restore competition. 这样一来, 他在某些时候,有助于竞争的加强。

15 navigate   

v.航行，飞行；导航，领航

参考例句：

• He was the first man to navigate the Atlantic by air.他是第一个飞越大西洋的人。
• Such boats can navigate on the Nile.这种船可以在尼罗河上航行。

16 isolated   

adj.与世隔绝的

参考例句：

• His bad behaviour was just an isolated incident. 他的不良行为只是个别事件。
• Patients with the disease should be isolated. 这种病的患者应予以隔离。

17 depressed   

adj.沮丧的，抑郁的，不景气的，萧条的

参考例句：

• When he was depressed,he felt utterly divorced from reality.他心情沮丧时就感到完全脱离了现实。
• His mother was depressed by the sad news.这个坏消息使他的母亲意志消沉。

18 underneath   

adj.在...下面，在...底下；adv.在下面

参考例句：

• Working underneath the car is always a messy job.在汽车底下工作是件脏活。
• She wore a coat with a dress underneath.她穿着一件大衣，里面套着一条连衣裙。

19 bail   

v.舀（水），保释；n.保证金，保释，保释人

参考例句：

• One of the prisoner's friends offered to bail him out.犯人的一个朋友答应保释他出来。
• She has been granted conditional bail.她被准予有条件保释。