美国国家公共电台 NPR In 'Once More We Saw Stars,' Grief And Love Together

In 'Once More We Saw Stars,' Grief And Love Together

AUDIE CORNISH, HOST:

Four years ago, the unthinkable happened to Jayson Greene. His 2-year-old daughter Greta was visiting her grandmother. The two were sitting on a bench on New York's Upper West Side when a brick came loose from a building and struck Greta in the head. She died three days later. Greene began keeping a journal. It turned into a memoir¹, "Once More We Saw Stars," which has just been published. NPR's Lynn Neary visited the Greenes at their home in Brooklyn.

LYNN NEARY, BYLINE²: On first meeting Jayson and Stacy Greene, you'd be hard-pressed to see any sign of the tragedy that struck out of the blue four years ago. They are warm and welcoming, quick to smile and laugh. They seem very close, picking up easily on each other's cues. And they dote on their son Harrison.

(SOUNDBITE OF KNOCKING)

JAYSON GREENE: Come in.

NEARY: Jayson greets him as he arrives home from day care with his mother.

J. GREENE: Come on in.

STACY GREENE: Hey.

J. GREENE: Hey, Monkey Butt³.

S. GREENE: Can you say hi, Dada (ph)?

J. GREENE: You want to take your shoes off down here or upstairs?

HARRISON: Down here.

NEARY: It would have been impossible for Jayson to imagine such a scene in the days and weeks following Greta's death. And the Greenes did not get to this point easily. Back then, Jayson remembers, he had only one recurring⁴ thought.

J. GREENE: I was saying it out loud over and over again 'cause it was the only thought that I was capable of having - why don't I just die? It was as if my heart was beating and I was trying to will it to stop. I didn't want to have to do anything to make that happen. And I didn't want to leave my wife or my family necessarily. But I was very, very clear that what I wanted was for all thoughts and feelings and sensations to just stop.

NEARY: Jayson says they had to come to terms not only with Greta's death but with the way she died, an accident so random⁵ that it almost seemed malevolent⁶. Jayson, an optimist⁷ by nature, says it brought out an anger in him that he didn't know existed.

J. GREENE: There was such rage in me that bubbled up instinctively⁸. And it was my worldview confronting the randomness⁹ of the accident. And the idea that I might be so grievously angry that it would follow me around everywhere and that I'd want to scream and punch things struck me as monstrous¹⁰. I was horrified¹¹ that that was something that was inside of me.

NEARY: Not long after Greta died, Jayson had to get out of the house. He went for a run. And as he entered a nearby park, something happened that, even now, he can't really explain. He saw Greta.

J. GREENE: She stepped out from behind a tree. And I was deeply aware that no one else could see her but me. But yet, I ran over to her because it was so overwhelmingly real. And I picked her up. And she told me to go for my run. And so I ran to the park, and tears were just coming down my face. And I got to the edge of the park. And that's where I wrote down this sentence: there will be more light upon this earth for me.

NEARY: Jayson says he and his wife Stacy faced a grief so profound that they came to see a kind of beauty in it. They found themselves traveling down a spiritual path. They weren't religious. But Stacy says they were searching for answers, and they wanted to find a way to connect with Greta.

S. GREENE: Any religion, any spiritual practice that brought with it some sense of connection, we were open to. But we were also skeptical¹². And...

J. GREENE: Yeah.

S. GREENE: There's also - I think in some of the grief work that we've done, a lot gets talked about your heart. So it gets broken, and then it gets more open. You are kind of forced to change. But in that, you're more open to things that you wouldn't have been open to before.

NEARY: The process of opening themselves up also allowed them to see a possible future that would include another child.

HARRISON: The triceratops.

J. GREENE: (Laughter) What's next?

HARRISON: T. rex.

J. GREENE: With a powerful...

HARRISON: Powerful.

J. GREENE: ...Jaw¹³.

HARRISON: Jaw.

NEARY: Stacy says they know they are lucky they were able to have another child. They've met many grieving parents who could not. And they know they have to guard against their own fears and expectations for Harrison.

S. GREENE: He is his own person. We did not replace Greta. We had another child, and I think that was something that we really talked about, like just making sure that we weren't putting some burden on him to be something for us because that would be unfair to him as a person.

J. GREENE: You want to give that back to Mommy?

NEARY: We're not moving on, says Stacy, leaving Greta behind. But we are choosing to live. And that means moving forward, aware that grief is now a part of life. There is a way, says Jayson, in which grief and love becomes synonymous.

J. GREENE: Grieving her is, in part, a way to express our love for her, as is remembering her joyfully¹⁴. But we will always have had a daughter here with us on Earth who is not here. And so that will be an absence we contend with for every single day that we are here - until we're not anymore.

NEARY: We will always have two children, says Jayson. And we will always have space for Greta in our lives.

Lynn Neary, NPR News, Washington.

(SOUNDBITE OF FERNANDO ESPI'S "CAPRICHO ARABE")

1 memoir   

n.[pl.]回忆录，自传；记事录

参考例句：

• He has just published a memoir in honour of his captain.他刚刚出了一本传记来纪念他的队长。
• In her memoir,the actress wrote about the bittersweet memories of her first love.在那个女演员的自传中，她写到了自己苦乐掺半的初恋。

2 byline   

n.署名；v.署名

参考例句：

• His byline was absent as well.他的署名也不见了。
• We wish to thank the author of this article which carries no byline.我们要感谢这篇文章的那位没有署名的作者。

3 butt   

n.笑柄；烟蒂；枪托；臀部；v.用头撞或顶

参考例句：

• The water butt catches the overflow from this pipe.大水桶盛接管子里流出的东西。
• He was the butt of their jokes.他是他们的笑柄。

4 recurring   

adj.往复的，再次发生的

参考例句：

• This kind of problem is recurring often. 这类问题经常发生。
• For our own country, it has been a time for recurring trial. 就我们国家而言，它经过了一个反复考验的时期。

5 random   

adj.随机的；任意的；n.偶然的(或随便的)行动

参考例句：

• The list is arranged in a random order.名单排列不分先后。
• On random inspection the meat was found to be bad.经抽查，发现肉变质了。

6 malevolent   

adj.有恶意的，恶毒的

参考例句：

• Why are they so malevolent to me?他们为什么对我如此恶毒？
• We must thwart his malevolent schemes.我们决不能让他的恶毒阴谋得逞。

7 optimist   

n.乐观的人，乐观主义者

参考例句：

• We are optimist and realist.我们是乐观主义者，又是现实主义者。
• Peter,ever the optimist,said things were bound to improve.一向乐观的皮特说，事情必定是会好转的。

8 instinctively   

adv.本能地

参考例句：

• As he leaned towards her she instinctively recoiled. 他向她靠近，她本能地往后缩。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• He knew instinctively where he would find her. 他本能地知道在哪儿能找到她。 来自《简明英汉词典》

9 randomness   

n.随意，无安排；随机性

参考例句：

• The randomness is attributed to the porous medium. 随机性起因于多孔介质。 来自辞典例句
• Einstein declared that randomness rather than lawfulness is the characteristic of natural events. 爱因斯坦宣称自然现象的特征为不可测性而不是规律化。 来自辞典例句

10 monstrous   

adj.巨大的；恐怖的；可耻的，丢脸的

参考例句：

• The smoke began to whirl and grew into a monstrous column.浓烟开始盘旋上升，形成了一个巨大的烟柱。
• Your behaviour in class is monstrous!你在课堂上的行为真是丢人！

11 horrified   

a.(表现出)恐惧的

参考例句：

• The whole country was horrified by the killings. 全国都对这些凶杀案感到大为震惊。
• We were horrified at the conditions prevailing in local prisons. 地方监狱的普遍状况让我们震惊。

12 skeptical   

adj.怀疑的，多疑的

参考例句：

• Others here are more skeptical about the chances for justice being done.这里的其他人更为怀疑正义能否得到伸张。
• Her look was skeptical and resigned.她的表情是将信将疑而又无可奈何。

13 jaw   

n.颚，颌，说教，流言蜚语；v.喋喋不休，教训

参考例句：

• He delivered a right hook to his opponent's jaw.他给了对方下巴一记右钩拳。
• A strong square jaw is a sign of firm character.强健的方下巴是刚毅性格的标志。

14 joyfully   

adv. 喜悦地, 高兴地

参考例句：

• She tripped along joyfully as if treading on air. 她高兴地走着，脚底下轻飘飘的。
• During these first weeks she slaved joyfully. 在最初的几周里，她干得很高兴。